please tell us a little about your history, your country, your age, your profession and your dreams.
Is it okay if I skip a few details? (Eg. Age, country n so on)
My name is Márcio, I’m 25 years old. I was abandoned as a child by my parents and taken in by a humble family. At 6 years old I was raped and then I became a homosexual. Depressive falls into pornography and a lot of masturbation. Unhappy and full of hate. But at age 15 I heard the Truth that sets me free and stopped homosexuality. I still fight against masturbation today, but I believe that one day I will also win and I am already winning, because I decided not to accept. I am happy for the rest of my life And I believe in better days.I am from the Brazilian nation and I enjoy my nation.
All right, my great friend. Do whatever you want. I will hear you with joy of heart.
My story starts with someone whom I really loved
I went nice for a while. Later it went ugly. She got bored (I’m not an object to keep her entertaining, got my limits like everyone else)
I loved her too much and that became a problem. I became a loser, blind in love.
Before that, I was going through what we can call “civilizational crisis”
My own thoughts hurt me so much that I had to seek doctors as it was affecting my body very much. Glad I didn’t seek an allopathy one. I went on to alternative medicine (Ayurveda)
Then she came into my life, it was good for a while. I was an addict to porn and fapping (due to depression) and when she came into my life it increased even further (we’d talk dirty sometimes, and imagine doing that, never did it in real tho, but mutually we did assist)
And when she got bored of me, she blamed it on me. This birthday was the worst one in my life when she said “let’s break up”. I cried so much. I wasn’t used to it. Later I thought okay, I can let her go. So I did (but due to stress my fapping increased upto 5-6 times a day). She then came back, crying herself and saying that she can’t live without me (yeah yeah). Then more quarrels, more patch ups. This would continue for 4 months. My fapping was on peak. However in the middle of that I got some answers regarding my “civilizational crisis”. The answers I’ve been looking for 3 years. And so a big burden went down. Idk why I was so pessimistic and optimistic about her at the same time (for the 4 months). I repeatedly deleted her pics off my phone. Yet tried to console her. In the end she just proclaimed that she’s no longer feeling it and then dumped me. This was different from those other countless times. It hurt so much, to the point I got numb towards it. I called my teacher, talked to him regarding this. He scolded me (I deserved it anyway)
Next day, I got so angry that I decided not to fap anymore (because it reminded me of her)
That day, I just laid in bed. Didn’t check my phone and didn’t do anything. Just watched my urges coming and going. It was a big leap for someone who fapped 5-6 times a day. Next day again. I didn’t feel like it. I came to this forum (I was here before, but not much serious) and then decided to go on a full on mode against masturbation. I decided to become a monster. After some time I realized that only not fapping won’t do much. On day 18th, I decided to start working out. I did it. Took me a while to adapt to it. I’ve been working out twice a day now.
On Day 37, I relapsed. I have an irrational fear of exams. And then I resisted for 4 subjects. I made a lot of progress in those. I gave up youtube, and social media too. I used my willpower so much. I got fever but I kept going. I finally gave in to last one (after 12 days). I hated that relapse so much that I spent 2 days just thinking about it(just like when I was dumped). In between I also started using my willpower which is taking a toll on my body. After fever, now I’m having another round of withdrawal symptoms. Today I had loose motion (almost got rid of it)
And here Iam, it hurts and my body is screaming. I’m not gonna go back to my old ways even if this hurts so much. I was depressed till the end of the day. I’m back on my feet again.
So this is my story
I’m glad you’re still holding on. That’s the way to do it. Holding on to the right thing. It hurts, but it’s all worth it in the end. You’ll make it
Every day we have a blank page to write a new story. A new day, dreams, goals. Son, I wish you well.
One of the most important things in life is people and not things, money and power. You are very important to me son and I would like to see your smile and your testimony of overcoming. When you come to Brazil I want to give you a big hug.
Well, I’m myself 22 so
Thank you. I appreciate that. Very genuinely. I have a goal too. I have to make a difference. I want to bring on a very big change around.
In our culture, we call son people who are loved and special. I believe that the greatest revolution happens to the man who learns that life is simple. Friend, nothing can be more revolutionary in this life than loving people and knowing that my life only makes sense if I live for the most despicable and destroyed on earth. I love people who understand they are people and who also love people.
tell me. Have you had lunch today?
You can easily do 90 days. Keep going again & again. Push your limits.
Good words. Yes my friend
I’m addicted to it from a very young age, at the age of 10/11. I first watched p* at age 7.
I was in class one, I had 2/3 friends who used to talk dirty things. I knew many words regarding sexuality from them. One day I went to one of them house, he showed me p*, it was my first time seeing this, at the age of 7. I was like uncomfortable with that, so I didn’t saw much. Few days later I went to another friend’s house and he also showed me P*. Then I started watching p* on my own. Few years later, at age of 10 one of my friends taught me musterbating. Porn + musterbation it was like gold that time. I didn’t realised I was addicted until I tried to quit. I mainly decided to quite for religious reasons and it was hampering my study. I tried to quit many years, but failed. I understood I have fallen in a big problem. Then I started searching about it and realised I’m addicted. I’m still trying. I’m glad I found this forum, everyone here is so helpful and supportive, they are like a strong family trying to make their lives better.
I’m now 18, in college. That’s all about my journey.
I’ll start reading your story now, my friend. Glad you wrote. Very happy to meet you. My name is Márcio and I am happy for your existence.
You are great brother @Marcio. You’ve gone through many hard times, but you are still not losing hope. Proud of you brother, keep going, my love and support is always with you. I’ll keep you in my prayers.
You Saim is the reason for my perseverance. People like you make my life meaningful. Every time I meet people like you I get one more reason to smile even though I’m in the darkest valley. The best gift that God can give me are people like you for me to love. Son thanks for your prayers. If I had the biggest arm in the world I would now extend my arm to you and give you a big hug with all my heart
@Saim The bush is very fragile, yes, the bush is very fragile. Plus the fire that surrounds it makes it indestructible. You are admirable.
Well my story is a bitter pill to swallow, but here I go.
I probably started masterbation at the age of 11 when I kinda explored my own body and felt this strange feeling when playing with my member and it felt good. So I kept practicing it and sometimes just rubbed my member and pillows or bed and discovered it felt that same good.
Things kinda hit rock bottom for me at the age of 14. My nephews 13 yo and his his brother age 4 slept over quite often. So we had to compromise alot in teaching our younger nephew how to bath and bathe him as he kinda was difficult at times. So to help in this process we all three bathed together also in peeing we usually peed together too since my little nephew was still learning the ropes.
Basically it became a habit and didn’t care to see each other nude. We played trutg dare and command often and one afternoon our parents just quickly went out to get some takeaways we played it and then my nephew said he had a “bright idea” before his turn to ask me to do a dare or something.
All gutsy I chose the dare since we did stuff like do 25 jumping jacks or stupid stuff like that as we didn’t want to get into trouble like the one time we broke a window because of a dare.
Anyways my nephew dared me to kiss him like they dare one to kiss one on the movies. Just like a casual peck nothing serious. I agreed since it wasn’t that ‘bad’ of a thing and we are practically brothers and we were so open and comfortable with one another.
The kiss was good and it became our way in private. In front of others we shook hands and afterwards kiss or when they left we kissed in my room and shook hands at the car.
It was cool having him as a ‘brother’ since I only had sisters and I didn’t know what real brothers did. So it felt right and good.
Until one night, we were naughty in the afternoon as we just slipped out of the house with out telling someone we are going bicycle riding and we wanted to avoid our little nephew going with. So we rode our bikes and it became late like 6 or 7pm. I didn’t have my phone and my sister drove around the neighbourhood to look for us and then we arrived home.
He spent the night and we were grounded in my room for the rest of the evening. That night my nephew started talking about him seeing some pics and he knew porn. So being all dumb and so he lent my phone and said I don’t have to worry he watched it before and knows how to let anyone not find out.
So our trouble started here. After seeing some of the stuff we casually spoke about sex stuff I knew a lot more than him about it since I have read a ton of books about it. And then we masterbated together. Covered by the sheets.
After this indecent a year later we did a bit more. Like me and him always challenge each other whose stronger. So we wrestled each other usaually out on the lawn, but it rain so we played inside my room. The bed was the arena and also we went full wrestlers. Stripped down to our underwear and wrestled. It was arousing as fuck and it became more sexual in a way when we held each other to tap out and our parts touching and that kinda stuff happend.
So later that night we explored a bit further. We touched each other and it then became a habit. We all 3 slept in the same room too since my nephew got nightmares and usually slept in by us in the middle of the night. I have gotten a dubble bed and we all slept on the same bed.
So yeah when we did these sexual things we waited for him to fall asleep. So touching happend and also cuddling. We would also peck kiss now and then.
Then things became intense again. Since we both wanted to explore french kissing and we both wanted to know what it is like. To see people kissing like in the movies. So it too started out casually and then it became a frequent thing.
Watching porn, kissing, touching and touching of parts and cuddling. It was a routine with us a habit. A true friends with benefits tipe of relationship. It felt good in a way and at that time I didn’t care much about it. For me it was all about getting him and having a kissing session and such sessions. No attraction only hunger for the fapping and kissing. I tried stopping it the following year, but it didn’t last long as sometimes I was sad due to a brake up with my girl and I would tell him and he’ll console me and one thing leads to another.
Also sometimes he would kinda go pass the point of like a french kiss is a payment to change my mind about something I said no to. I too resisted sometimes, but other times I would be like fuck it okay as he’ll nag me plenty to go bike riding or go to the park or to play video games.
So yeah it was rough to handel. And this continued back and forth. There wasn’t any anal penetration and for me it was not a attraction or being gay. Due to this stuff happening I concluded that I don’t wanna be gay. I also had asked my nephew why we are doing it or why it started.
I understood in part as he explained it in this year when he was hammered and on wa. He said it was his way of exploring, and I didn’t judge him for doing this stuff and it was an enjoyable experience. Since he always wanted to do some stuff like, the kissing and touching which he couldn’t dare with his brother and obviously no one does it with their dad as it is kinda sick. So me being that close and allowing this tipe of stuff was just to kill the need and alsk get closer to me.
I felt good as I said I was in it for the pleasure, but it bothered me a lot in the end and being okay with it was just a lie I told myself to get my fun out of it.
I haven’t seen my nephews from the age of 17 till recently as they moved 1000’s of km away from us so I could only text them trough WhatsApp , eventhough me and my nephew don’t talk to each other since our talk erupted in a fight and yeah ended up being blocked.
So yeah since from 18 I actually started feeling less pleasure in my orgasms as fapping was like a daily thing for me and porn was like a luxury I had as a once a month thing or when I celebrated something like an exam mark.
In vacation time porn was a once a week thing as I did it incognito and didn’t wanna get caught.
So I was turning 19 I had an awesome opportunity to go to Germany and do some sight seeing in my gap year. I was there for 3 months and then my first accidental nofap journey started.
I was in a new environment and also the flight was super long like 10 hours to dubai and then from dubai to Germany was I think 3 hours plus I had a wait of 3 or what hours on dubai.
So no sleep due to the excitement and also to wait for my flight I skipped and in Germany it kinda continued in to the start of month 3. The urges hit me so hard I just gave in. But I then from then had a on and off streak.
The best was maybe a week or 2 and then I’d relapse and maybe skip a day and fap a day. And porn was also there as maybe I’d watch it once every 3 months or so.
But then it was once a in a blue moon I’d watch porn, but the urge to watch it would hit me unexpected. I didn’t make a lot of friends at the college as I wasn’t really liked by guys as I am labeld as ‘gay’, I am use to be called that since I was mocked in high school about it. No one knows of this story and I don’t talk about it much, but it became a need to talk about it and also outing it really helped me to heal.
Also I am a nerdy tipe of person so I aced a lot of exams and all I cared about is studying and not so much socialising as I was kinda a loner and it was my style and had a friend or acquaintance here and there and I felt good.
Since I made ‘best friends’, actually more like a good friend to others rather as these relationships are brief fir a week or so.
Since I am also boring as I am not into drinking myself silly or go out to party often or smoke or dig porn that much. I was actually glad I wasn’t added in our college group since the guys would rant about the latest vid or pic so I kept in the loop due to their words.
Also I felt pretty bad for one guy that they grinded one day and gave him some sex pointers in class when our lecturer stepped out briefly to fetch some administrative papers we had to sign for the college of new rules and stuff they had implemented.
During this course it was also on and off with fapping. When I had a small job last year for experience to qualify for my qualification test I would be writing soon, I am just waiting for it. I made two month streaks twice, but I had a relapse month in between. And this on and off continued. Till I started getting fed up in November It continued this on and off and at the end of November I was so tempted to install a porn blocker, but then saw this app. I ponderd about it and then I said enough is enough and installed and joined up.
I wanted to make 3 months so bad, and also gave some insight in my journey. I joined a 100 day challenge. And then passed it with flying colours. It felt good!
Actually technically I was on a 230 or 240 something streak since I intentionally reset my counter reaching 120 and I made a challenge to change and be more productive. I also did this for 30 days where I pushed me into learning German, do 30 push-ups a day for 30 days. I was very miserable and wanted to leave the forum countless times and was very indecisive.
I had a break from the forum thanks to troubles with my phone. Intentionally relapsed 2 days ago on my next challenge and I gained major experience and insight due to this. And now I know to stay committed to Nofap and my next journey I wanna do more for the community and that’s also why I did it!
Well sorry for the long and detailed version, but that’s my story and that’s what got me to this point! I hope to inspire on this journey and what to say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. And NO MORE porn and NO MORE masterbation.
Good luck and stay strong and awesome !
You are lovely. Thank you for reporting your story. May you achieve not only that goal, but that all your dreams are realized my friend. May you successfully overcome the past and have the strength to look beyond the horizon.