So, I have few friends in enegineering. They fap almost daily. They almost laugh at me when I tell them that I am doing nofap. Also, their social life, their studying habits are not bad. They do well overall in the subjects, projects. But I seem to get distracted by it. It effects me a lot when I fap. Does any one have explanantion why is it so? Why for many people it doesn’t affect them.
True, also have that kind of friend but I assure you that they are not addicted… Yet xd
We were also like they, for us also seems to bo no any influence of using porn. But time had passed and we have all the negative sights of using porn. It depends on many factores for example how person using porn… Maybe they only watching one or two videos and go to sleep and some other people will be watching all night 7 hours before find something that will be enough good to get off. Second person is more likely to be addicted but it depends. The best what we can do is just not to watch it at all and those I’m sure 100 procent. @raushan
It’s true. There is an element of addiction. Some people just masturbate daily without any addiction. I thought to do that but not at all possible for me. @udaCisie
For example I have a friend who masturbate once a week sometimes without porn and everything seems for him ok. But masturbating with porn isnt ok at any case.
I think the most harmful is binging, watching porn all night, masturbate few times in a raw. Person who masturbate 1 a day and only once can harm thwmselves few time less than person who do it few times a day and watching videos few hours what doesn’t mean that the first person don’t do himself harm. Also do, only slower @raushan
In long perspecrive slowly getting addicted is even worse becouse person usually don’t see what caused symptomes when they appear
@udaCisie I don’t want to masturbate at all. That’s for sure. But I thought PMO addiction should be the same for everyone. I thought everyone would get addicted the same way.
It is addictive but like somke one ciggaret doesn’t make you a smoker, or be drunk once in a while doesn’t make you alkoholic immediately. But we know that the more we smoke, drink or using porn the more possibility is that we get addicted. This is not the same way for all but it is addictive for all. @raushan
I agree with you on that analogy.
There are many reasons. They are not stuck on porn edging for hours. They do not fantasize. They also do not think about for long focusing on other things with strong focus and motivation once they are done.
I used to be that person… masturbation has no effect on me PMO was nothing …but they were seeds of my destruction…
It’s a trap! Get out of it… ask your friends to steer clear as well… if they laugh at you …you laugh back and say ‘one day you will remember me as a bringer of change and new hope’
Each individual is different.
Even if two people are given porn daily and the after effects will be different.
Some are extrovert while some are introvert.
Some shows side effects outside while others suffers it inside ( mental pyschos )
Some develop back issues while some develop eye issues.
Some have hair problems while some have social anxiety.
Your friend as you told is good in studies and he laughs & looks fine to you but you cant tell his inner problems & mental issues he might be facing
Some people dont tell their weakness as they find it stupid to tell & it is wise not to tell it to the friends.
Forget about them, you do what is best for you.
Just commenting here to let you know. Cool username bro, do you mind if i steal. Lol
Also, don’t expect that others don’t have problems, just because they don’t show it.
When I first decided to go to a therapist i was wondering why I have to do that. Why do I have problems and others don’t.
After some time, I started to talk to my friends about it and figured out that I know non who haven’t thought about going to a therapist or didn’t have any other kind of problem.
I think in our society, we are trimmed to not show weaknesses.
You got it incomplete, my friend… I used to fap twice a day, still have thick hair, got many hot women attracted, i was amazing at school, univ, basketball, and guitar and singing…
BUT i could not distinguish the best, mature, caring woman from the hot women… I could not concentrate without fapping first… And kept feeling the guilt after the satisfaction
So, listen to your heart… BUT don’t ever follow it, LEAD IT, that is a true man (man is mankinds, not males only)
I am gonna be neutral in this case.
As mentioned PMO is handled differently between individuals. In some cases yeah guys tend to obses over sex all day long and this makes us super counterproductive.
The thing is once we quit this habit we still are in this sex mode it just effects us all differently depending on porn use etc. Also we get on nofap for different reasons. Main point is to actually focus on avoiding porn use in most cases.
What I think about this is we all search something to blame when we are in this “sex mode state of mind”. So when we stop we don’t really do much but just have withdrawals and constant thoughts.
I believe that in this we have build a nofap journey not based on killing the sex mode state rather than to see how can I improve myself overall and we tend to get stuck on being a super man with a crazy schedule.
As we follow the guy who did it before us and we read that this guy completed a year of nofap and he did this.
- Woke up everyday at 4 am.
- Did exercise or yoga for 30 min
- did a cold shower
- Meditate or pray
- Eat breakfast
… etc .
You know just constantly doing stuff every sec of the day not wasting a moment.
The problem is that this is Self improvement and not really nofap. Yes sure nofap can be used to improve oneself, but not in a sense of changing who you are.
The thing what I wanna get at here which is critical is this nofap journey is not a miracle thing you do and all your problems are solved at the same time.
The thing why this guys life works out okay with fap is because it is part of his day to day and he is content and not stressed or forced into doing shit he don’t really feel like.
Also I think why it seems so odd is sometimes the nofap life is tough, because you have to stress when your alone or nude you know trigger times and places. Already not to think about relapsing and also on top of that you got to do millions of tasks and don’t feel like doing them or feel bad or guilty for not doing it.
Also when we tend to fail stuff we need something to blame. For me I think we blame ourselves being lame or a loser for failing nofap as we actually make it a true 100% life changer to change everything. And it is easy and also feels good to blame fapping for it instead of ourselves and also don’t wanna acknowledge how we actually failed the true way of being a reall 100% Nofapper who quits no task. We tend to fall on this guilt hole and not really focus on how to deal with the relapse and rather beat ourselves up about relapsing because I skipped a cold shower.
And not really go and say I didn’t feel like a cold shower and I have relapse, but because I was to weak to do the cold shower.
This kinda becomes a ruler to everything. Skipped that workout how stupid of me. Etc .
We make ourselves suffer and struggle with all the negatives instead of building that reassurance on it is okay to skip a workout, but I got to still watch out on relapsing. Also should I relapse, it is okay I can try again and I will win it.
So build up rather to break down. Important!!
The other thing here is a comparison trap. Comparing oneself to another is also a stress, because you see this guy is doing great and he faps everyday and here I am escaping from it and struggling. This only causes harm to your thoughts and will doubt nofap and why you do it in the first place.
There is a proverb on this however.
A flower doesn’t compare how it looks against another flower it just blooms.
Important here is to also notice your own inner growth and whats right for you!
Yes the act of masterbastion isn’t that good, but in a way a natural process/feeling. Well we guys all explore our bodies which is natural in the changes in puberty. That is how we learn to mature sexually.
Yes kill me if you wish, but we all go through this process and yes learnt masterbation from a form be it a friend or family etc. As we are filled with our curiosity towards sex and this strange desire.
It is sometimes such a normal thing to do and yes I know was there I did it everyday and didn’t bother me as I could fit it in and still felt good. But I gotten bored yes porn was just an extra stimuli to kick stuff into high gear to go quick. I didn’t use porn that much, but yeah masterbation was a go to escape. For some it is a reward for some a desire and like I mentioned some falls into an obsessive routine about it.
I know we are here and yes do agree masterbastion is not good since it can cause, ed, concentration loss, desensitization in sex for most parts. But it can be managed. How well we all look for that secret formula, but it doesn’t help one just plan on how to beat it, but actually doing it.
And this has 1 root cause. Cut this root and ta-da fix. Yes, frequent cuts must be done to ‘re-wire’ and ultimately kill it. Multiple trial and errors.
This one ingredient is your Toughts and not your actions. We all heard this statement some where:
Okay not all thoughts will become 100% actions like say you wanna stab the old lady infront of you for walking so damn slow.
But what stops one from acting out these thoughts. Well another thought.
Obviously we will revert this example to the moral compass and surely we will think on how people will view me for doing this. Obviously everyone will have a negative connection towards you(for being selfish and a murderer) and we want people to like and accept us as it is more favourable in socialization to get friends and help etc.
However here it becomes as we wanna make a statement. Since we are in “competition” (male behavior) we tend to wanna toughen it out and show off on how long we can go and what we achieve and if we fail also we are f!&#*ed ( this is also part of where I think nofap is bad).
Sure we are open and supportive, but we as guys don’t wanna accept defeat as we are seen as a pussy. Also like I mentioned the healing isn’t focused on the correct spot.
To conclusion masterbation as normal as it is in society doesn’t bother a person that much as life just goes on like normal( I mean we all did it and also know this first hand). Also it can be so easily fit into the routine, but it all comes done on priorities, thoughts and motivation on what a person does in life.
sorry about the monastery of a post, the more on the thought the better as this is a good topic to discuss!
Good luck and stay strong and awesome
Some say “its all in your head” while true to some, itmight not be true to those who have a negative relationship with PMO, such as feeling guilt and shame after fapping