Hi guys, this is my first official topic post here and I want to talk about something that’s related to the journey of breaking your addiction(or at least has been in mine in that it’s partly a motivation).
I’m an artist and musician, I draw and write songs, I play guitar and the piano. overall I’m considered very creative, and I’m fortunate enough to have held onto these aspects of myself as I’ve aged. I’ve loved music since I was a child and I’ve been drawing since I was 6- I’ve been drawing for 18 years and take it quite seriously now to the point where I teach art and exhibit my own art too.
There was a point though where I had lost the desire to create for a long time and partly it was due to a creative drain. I decided to start nofap because I want to see how much further I could take my own skills and passions without having the constant feeling of lethargy and mental cloudiness hanging over me. I’ve started gyming again and part of what motivated me is becoming built enough to see my muscles clearly and study anatomy from myself. I’ve never had the energy to hold to this before and as I get older I feel a growing pressure to not let my passions die away- to hold onto my soul.
it’s these passions that I feel are what makes this choice and journey possible, because I have something bigger than myself to work for. When I’m bored and alone or feeling emotionally down, I now turn to my passions instead of porn. the discomfort is still there, but instead of trying to avoid it, I’m embracing and using it.
So my question stands: if you had something that you loved doing but stopped, why? lack of time? well now that you’re quitting porn, you have a huge open slot to fill, right?
maybe you just didn’t become good enough to make a living off of it? maybe you’re not a professional photographer or maybe you can’t even market your passion because who wants to pay you to go on hikes?
it doesn’t matter, because I’ve realised that that thing you loved to do as a child, it’s the thing that made you most alive, and losing it is what we mistake for becoming grown up.
I hope that you haven’t forgotten what it is and if you have, I ask that you reflect and find an answer and try that thing out again. rekindle the flame, because that will make your journey a little easiee(or at least it has for me).
it becomes less a case of: “ah i shouldn’t watch porn, it’s bad.”
and more: "no! I can’t watch porn and masturbate because then I won’t have time to do that thing, I won’t have the energy I need to work on that personal project that is extremely challenging and has no instant gratification but means everything to me deep down. I can’t afford to nut again because it’s slowly draining my soul and killing who I am. "
make your desire to break free bigger than just yourself and it will be a little easier; it has been for me at least.