What I used to do

Just reading through the message board has reminded me of the way I used to be and how destructive it was and how much time I wasted in my desperation and addiction quite frankly.
You don’t know me so I can share openly but I’ve shared my struggles with close friends so I’m used to sharing by now.
The nights I wasted looking at porn on my computer, I used to be exhausted the next day having hardly slept. Then I would feel numb the entire day following feeling totally demotivated and depressed. The time I got a virus on my pc and genuinely believed I was in trouble with the police for accidently viewing minors even though I’d never ever searched for child porn and never would. I didn’t sleep the night I got the virus, no I prayed all night begging God for forgiveness. Thankfully some good friends put my mind at rest and showed me that it was in fact a virus
oh the relief!
I’m a Christian by the way and not a very good one. The anger at God! Fuelled by porn! He is denying me a partner , I have to view all this porn for satisfaction because He won’t help me get a girlf.
But I was making it harder for myself to get a girlf. by viewing all that shit.
I have had and do have other struggles like ocd, self hatred and shame issues but porn only makes all of that worse. It increases guilt and shame.
Thinking I might be a paedo or have desires that way (thinking which is related to ocd) when I don’t. These thoughts were fuelled by my addiction to legal porn. Maybe legal porn should be illegal too?
Thankfully I haven’t viewed porn for 26 days or so although I reset my counter due to the act of masturbation. I feel better for not viewing that crap and I will feel better for not masturbating either for the next long period.

Just to encourage people that it’s worth looking at what you used to do and why you joined the no fap journey in the first place.

That’s my confession anyway.


Confessing takes courage but it even takes more courage to confess to yourself and admit the wrongs that you where doing most of us are ussually in denial, but confessing is a huge step forward to this journey, good for you you are taken the real first step now keep fighting because this is very much worth it.

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