WantToBreakFree's Diary [32 M]

Just finished reading all of this. Being on day 5, all of this is very useful information. Thanks for sharing and good work on your streak! You are a big inspiration to me

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Very inspiring message, thank you!

@Flik @gunsblazing Glad you guys are finding it helpful :slight_smile: These are only my experiences, and your mileage may vary of course, but if even one bit of advice prevents one relapse, it will have been worth writing it!

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Day 40 - Rebellion

One of the biggest dangers for me is getting into a rebellious mood. These are the times when I think I want to relapse. Of course I don’t, not deep down, but I get frustrated that I’m no longer able to. That I no longer have that outlet.

Life has its ups and downs, and sometimes you just want to say a great big FUCK YOU to the world. I used to do this by going on a porn binge. I used to say fuck this shit, I don’t have to put up with all this, I’m going to go and bury myself in some red hot sexual fantasies, complete with FULL COLOUR ILLUSTRATIONS!

I can’t do that any more, and, if I’m honest, I miss it sometimes. I know that it’s stupid. I know that I don’t really like porn. I know it won’t make me happy. I know that I’ll regret it afterwards if I do, and who wants to give up a 40 day streak? But I miss it.

I manage best when I don’t dwell on it too much. If I think about it, I become frustrated, and then aroused, and that is fatal. There is always an underlying reason to have urges, and we must all keep looking for it, every time.

And that’s the point really. Giving up porn isn’t about making one big decision. It’s about making thousands of little decisions every day, not to give up and not to give in. Each of these decisions matters just as much as the last, and you only have to get the decision wrong once to find your counter reading a big, fat ZERO.

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