“WalkWithoutFear’s Diary.” Updated 2022
Long is the past we had. We look only but forward in this life. Nothing can change this. We may stumble millions of times but our pride as humans to become the best version of yourself is still there. Never give in to the destruction that your own thoughts provoke. I want this year to be different. I’m tired of all the stupid hentai movies, weird fetishes that have taken over my mind in this pandemic. This year I have a different vision for myself and not stopping until I make it.
“WalkWithoutFear’s Diary.” Updated 2022
From the time I relapsed I went into a deep dive of self analysis and went into a deep state of mind where I thought I had no hope. I was about to go at it again but I figured why play the game the same twice. I didn’t want the same story and I had enough. I called upon the name of God and thats what has been helping me. Right now in day 2 as I speak I have been busy improving my life and with work life. I still have a phone addiction and trying not to stay too long on my phone but believe me when I say it’s not easy. I will workout today in this beautiful Sunday morning. God bless.
I failed 2 days ago. But after hearing lots of motivation from motivational speakers I rised up and now I keep on fighting, time to never quite. I just go on like a warrior I am.
I relapsed alot of times, my d**** was getting tired haha. I felt so high that my memory felt lost and felt like nothing bothered me at that moment but just being at the moment of the relapse. But once I got off then things bothered me. This is the symptom of having PMO in your life. Although I would advocate that orgasm is good when it’s to good things like massage or something good like feeling relaxed. That is why we say NO PMO but really it’s NO PM. Hahaha. Anyways. After that day I didn’t feel energetic. I tried to get busy with my mother trying to find a car for her and stuff. We were looking all day to dealers and I got tired after a long day doing that with her. I gave her financial advice and did my part as a son. Anyways it was a productive day.
I had an urge to relapse when I was in the bathroom but I didn’t. It was my fault for having my phone on me when I went but I never relapsed. I fixed my plants that I have as well. Made music to. Was working and managed to talk to some people also but still feeling a bit shy and not knowing what to say.
I woke up a little early and was making music since I felt like releasing my emotions and stuff. I felt better with more energy. Still feeling groggy but better. I was working also which was busy as well and got home tired in the end. Played some videogames and now plan to do some QA engineer internship tasks. Need to sleep early since I start early work tomorrow. Staying strong still. Need to meditate as well to strengthen my mind. let’s go. God Bless my family and my journey. Amen.
Man I relapsed 1 day ago. I hope I don’t relapse again. It’s harder than I thought it would be. I must be consistent always.
Felt like a train wreck and didn’t want to do much yesterday.
Today day 1
I want to accomplish some tasks and eat right. Not too exaggerating but still being productive. I don’t work tomorrow but today I do so hopefully I have a good day today. I want to watch the last episode of Callmearj vegito dies video hahaha. I will watch after I am all done with priority. Let’s go.
I haven’t counted Days and journaled because I was into the present time. I got busy and was proactive with my friend on Sunday haha. Life gets busy. But now I got a different mindset.
I feel more relaxed and energy driven. I exercised the previous days and took some protein powder. I went out with my friend 2 days ago. Haha. I was shy at first to go out for the first time around town with my friend but I got used to it slowly. I didn’t want to let him know I was feeling anxiety about it.
Anyways today I plan to make a YouTube video maybe or finish some projects I haven’t caught up in a while. I had a crazy dream also last night which made me feel groggy when I woke up. Felt like a battle dream for my soul against evil. The devil is trying to get me to fall but I won’t let him. God Bless all the Christians. United we stand.
My goodness. This is not easy. Relapsed again. But once again I stand and rise up. No matter what I will become a titan. I want to find a daily partner to talk to I think it will help.
Today I woke up a little early. I will edit some YouTube videos I have and do some errins. I work later today. Got to get busy and destroy those urges. .
I relapsed once again! I got a little sick and had to rest on day 0 because my body felt weak. I had to call off my job since I was bleeding from nose and felt sick. I just procrastinated that day and ended relapsing again and again! And next day I got pissed off on myself so I wrote all the negative thoughts I was thinking about so that when I feel like relapsing. I will look at those thoughts and fight it like a champion. I got to say it’s helping me stay motivated by writing my negative thoughts down and looking at it next to motivational quotes. Never give up !
Day 1: 04/18/2022
Ok so last night I was looking up ways to fix my laptop and ended up taking it apart since I didn’t want to buy a new laptop when i can just fix my laptop I have. I am still trying to fix the laptop hinges, I ordered the glue and stuff and have to do more research on the fix. I also added more padding to my backpack where the laptop will go because if I ever feel like leaving the house I won’t have an excuse not to since I was scared that my laptop might break if I were to lay it down since no padding and also my social anxiety doesn’t help. But this will atleast help. Today it’s 9:38 a.m. and I will eat a good breakfast , will work today and will try to add time for meditation and other tasks. Peace
Yesterday was resurrection day and fasted also until 3 or 4 p.m. I did a good job not relapsing since it’s a special representing day of my faith. Didn’t go out since like I said I have social anxiety in big crowds.
Starting new with a brand new day. I fell down but even do I get back up. This is a true warriors way. Never give up even if your guard was off. In this case my guard was off and I let laziness kick in. You see when you don’t do anything and just stare at a screen then you are more prone to relapse. So be careful this time. ~~~to myself.
Today I’m just going to chill and be myself. Maybe go out today if I’m less socially anxious haha. Maybe take it step by step. I got a haircut yesterday which was anxious already but I did it anyways. I will see if I can sell some stuff also and see some free stuff online. God Bless.
I relapsed again 1 day ago. I can’t count how many times I did it but I’d say 8 times maybe. I’m such a mess to do something like that. My curiosity got the best of me because I was thinking of a sexual fantasy that I didn’t get to see yet. It’s like my mind is telling me to keep watching these other categories first before you start this no PMO journey. I had enough of mind tricks. I will take charge now.
Felt like I lost power and drive. Nothing happened, felt a little sick. I was resting and was foggy minded. I just watched YouTube vids and played games and went to work. Felt lazy to do anything else .
Today I feel I got more energy. But I need to be more consistent in my routine. My error was I didn’t focus on my mistakes and that’s whenever I’m lazy or feel like doing nothing I should read or draw so I don’t relapse. My mind is trying to find that dopamine hit again and this time exercise will help with this as well since exercise uses that part of the brain to. Anyways I will exercise a little and do some QA Engineering review. God Bless this day.
Felt really insanely low energy. Starting to get back on my feet after relapse. Must change my bad habits .
I was pretty busy with some online work, was doing some research and listened to self improvement podcasts. I got a compliment from a woman in my job saying I have a nice shirt, I felt her energy approaching me and kind of wanting to get to know me. It was a strange feeling but I did feel it. I am becoming more confident.
It’s still day 1 today and I am becoming more confident everyday. I want to grow more as a person. May God bless my journey and may I grow strong as a person.
Growing stronger with my faith in God. I woke up a little late today because I was watching the movie of Jesus last night. I felt like watching it because I had a past experience that came back to me that was negative that was constantly nagging me and I needed to recollect myself by finding God somehow. I prayed before I slept as well last night. Today I was just busy with organizing my room a bit, listening to some podcasts for self improvement and just some errins here and there to keep me busy. No workout today. Most likely Saturday I will workout or Sunday. God Bless this week!
Sorry I was taking a break from this app. I just stayed busy. Was staying spiritual and was moving forward thinking of no bad thoughts. Deleted some groups I followed that have temptations.
I can proudly say I am in day 6 now!!
This is where the true journey begins. !
Its been getting a bit tough because the urges are currently felt but I will use it as my own power for my day to day life. We must be strong warriors guys. For God and for ourselves.
Keep going. You may have failed but you didn’t lose. You get back up and fight like a champion. Journey to the mastery of our minds.
Damn again and again I go. !
I have committed myself now.
Empower yourself and grow. Don’t go into the darkness of your mind but become something out of this world. You have all the power you need.
I kept relapsing for days and eventually I met reality.
I exercised like cardio and attempted to do some progress in my life.
I managed to see my weaknesses more and gaining more motivation to keep going and living this life rather than hating myself and wishing I die. Not much urges. I got into some conflict with my GF but I am sure it will soon be good and I will listen to calm music so I can balance my mood. Don’t let your life circumstances be the decision for your day or even your week or year. God Bless.
Failed but learned. Keep going. Even after so much failure keep going. Dont give up.
I was getting busy with fixing my 2nd car and fixing some finances I had, I also worked. Kept myself busy and kept tabs of my to-do list.
Kept my head up and even if I felt depressed I kept my head high for hopes for my future. Didn’t exercise yet since day 0. I am afraid if I exercise I will unlock my full potential and won’t be able to handle all that power so I am handling the power I have now to slowly build my full power. After work, I ended up fixing some pieces from my hp laptop and put some transmission oil on second car. Slept a little late. Goal: to sleep earlier.
I am working today but I will see if I can do some Instacart and door dash if my will power allows me to and my social anxiety doesn’t kick in. I got a little urges today but got it under control.
Today’s goal list is:
- door dash,Instacart delivery
- Put high school graduation picture on my wall.
To get my mind back in order.
Relapsed again. Things I didn’t do right:
- Didn’t concentrate
- Didn’t get busy(evil lurks in laziness)
- Didn’t download covenant eyes or some porn blocker for laptop.
- Settled for a life of mediocrety.
- Didn’t remember why you even started to do NO PMO.
Things to remember when you have urges or about to relapse:
- Remember why you started always!!!
- I started to make myself confident, I started so I can socialize better, I started so I don’t have to feel like a lazy shit everytime I go to work or do something outside of the house or even inside, I started so I can have more energy, I started so I don’t have to make woman into a sex object, I started so that in the future I can have a good relationship with a woman, I started so that I can finally concentrate on the things that matter in life and not some stupid porn shit, I started because I don’t want my parents to see me like I’m a good for nothing and just wasting my time living with my parents just watching porn and just pretend like nothing is happening!!, I started so I can get my own personality back and not be all monotone in personality, I started so that I can have the confidence to go to a group and interact with them and maybe make friends, I started so I can forget my past and have more pleasant memories in the present time and into the future( THIS IS A MUST, FORGET THE PAST, ESPECIALLY IF YOUR CHILDHOOD WAS BAD!! BECAUSE NOBODY CARES, MAKE YOU A NEW YOU! SURPRISE YOURSELF! WHEN YOU RELAPSE IT HURTS MORE BECAUSE YOUR PAST WAS BAD!! REMEMBER!!!),I started so that I can finally go outside and finally don’t give a fuck what others think about what I do in the outside world, I started so that I can destroy my evil side and reveal my bright side more, I started SO THAT I CAN BE A BORN AGAIN PERSON FROM DOOMER/DESTROYED MAN TO A MAN WITH 100% CONFIDENCE, DETERMINATION, SOMEONE YOU CAN RIGHTEOUSLY LOOK UP TO, AND SOMEONE WHO DOESNT JUST SAY! BUT DOES!. THATS MY WHY.! ITS NOT ONLY FOR YOU! YOUR FAMILY IS LOOKING UP AT YOU! THEY DON’T SEE YOUR OTHER SIBLINGS! YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO RELAPSE ANYMORE! NO MORE MR. NICE GUY!! GOT IT! BE A BAD MAN FOR NOW ON! YOU GOT TO EMBRACE YOUR POWER AND YOUR MASCULINITY ENERGY! ENOUGH OF THIS INSANITY AND STOP WASTING YOUR LIFE!! DON’T YOU DARE RELAPSE BECAUSE IF YOU DO! YOUR WHY WON’T BE THERE ANYMORE! YOU WOULD HAVE BURNED UP YOUR WHY LIKE IF IT WAS THAT SIMPLE TO DESTROY!! YOU KNOW WHY YOU WANT TO KEEP GOING!! DON’T YOU FORGET! THAT DEMON THAT ALWAYS LURKS IN THE SIDE OF YOUR LIFE, LOOKING FOR ANY MOMENT TO DESTROY AND GO TO BED WITH YOU! ITS JESABEL/ SATAN, WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CALL IT, ITS THERE AND ALWAYS SEEKING TO SUCK THE LIFE ENERGY OUT YOU. !! SHE KNOWS YOUR GREAT! AND THATS WHY SHE DOES IT!! DON’T LET THAT HARLET INTO YOUR HOME AT ALL COST!!! BECAUSE AS SOON AS YOU DO!! YOU HAVE DESTROYED YOUR PRIDE AS A MAN!!!
USE IT WHENEVER YOU FEEL LIKE RELAPSING OR QUITTING IN LIFE!! ALWAYS LOOK AT IT WHEN YOUR DOWN!!