Crazy how things turned out this time with my GF. She didnāt care about me and lacked any communication skills. It was hard but I had to let her go because she didnāt seem to care about me and her attitude to only be the one cared for. Itās really toxic. Anyways for that reason I was depressed the following days. I know itās a contradict since Iām the one who broke it off but the truth is I still miss the times we spent together but I know we had many arguments that lasted for days on a consistent basis and to be honest I donāt know how I managed to handle it for that long haha but itās because Iām patient. After explaining to her I expected her to reach out to me and to apologize and fix her behavior but again I know people canāt be fixed who am I to say that. Emotional baggage relationships need to stay away from here. In a way I feel sad for the time I wasted as well over a woman who didnāt seem to care and the red flags that were in front of me i just passed it off because I didnāt want to be seen as arrogant or someone who is cold hearted. But the truth will eventually be seen. For now Iām healing my wounds. Might get a barbell or make homemade weights to get myself in the right mentality. 
Day 1 Nov. 10 2022
10:33 P.M.
Itās night time here now. Just wanted to write I am focused now on improving myself. I donāt want to fail another month so I will focus. God Bless my journey. I wonāt rely only in my own willpower. I feel fresher after a nice shower I took today. Itās officially winter here so I am eating really well here. Drinking protein shakes and I just got done from workout today as well about 2 hours ago for 40 minutes. Forgetting about day 0 and when I relapsed because that was crazy and the ex I had because she never cared for me. I finished making homemade weights to using water bottles I will post in social media sometime when I have free time. Anyways tomorrow I will drink maca shake since it replenishes testosterone as I have heard and calm my mind in the same time before work. Another day to kill. Warrior time.
Day 1
Beginning NO PMO again. Coming out as a champ this time. Focus and routine is the word of the month. I relapsed alot in day 0 but letās forget it and move forward. More power to my manpower. Put it towards productivity.
Day 3
Keep going to the light. Forget about all the relapses and the downs. Make that your strength. All the stuff you went through over the years make that your strength. It fortifies you into a warrior in life. I was doing some extreme workouts these past 2 days to recover my body from the darkness of pornography. I did 3k miles of runs the second day and did body workout combined a total of 1 hour workout session, day 2 yesterday I did another 3k mile runs and body workout totaling 1 hour as well. I also made sure to eat my protein powder smoothie and eat a good breakfast. I have a little less anxiety today day 3 due to my shower regimen I think since I take warm showers now and then after a good nice cold shower gives your a body a nice relaxing feeling after workout. Sleeping routine I am trying to get on top of it. More focused now. Canāt stop. 
. Every month counts this year 2022.
I relapsed in the end of 2022. I ended up joining a menās group from Facebook. I didnāt feel appreciated in my household that I live in thatās why I did it, I also was going through the stress of money, going through a depression after a relapse, also negative thinking came into my mind constantly telling me Iām not good enough and that what people say about me is true. Just yesterday day 1 I felt depressed after a customer said I was short and it was all quiet. I wanted to kill myself because maybe Iām never good enough for anyone no matter how hard I work at myself. But I came back to my senses again and didnāt relapse. I came to a conclusion that Iām a warrior so as a warrior I canāt let others opinions of me affect me for my journey is not for anyone else but for my own soul to save it. In that moment when I wanted to kill myself I said that I wanted to save my soul more than wanting to kill me. What honor does a man gain if he dies with no honor? If a man dies with honor in life thatās a real man no matter disability or circumstances. Thatās how I think now. My destiny is to be a warrior, a stoic one at that and this NO PMO will be my greatest friend at that. Your first love is self. Death and life are all one in existence. To be alive is to struggle until death for honor or for mediocrity. I chose honor!!
. I wonāt trade my soul for desruction. Not worth it!
Day 1
Today I woke up around 9 a.m.
I plan to eat a good meal today and listen to music and podcast. If time available also meditation. I will exercise tommorow or today depending on time available. 
.
Iām also limit phone use for only 2 hours. The rest for exercise or productivity work.
Day 0.
Continue slaying to defeat self.
I did workout today and before went to work at my retail store job. I woke up around 7:40 a.m. Today which wasnāt bad. I also was listening to some podcasts. I will try to meditate everyday so I can be more connected with self. 
I relapsed 4 days ago. I am keeping my mind focused this time around. I felt horrible after I did it since I was in a day 12 streak which was better than other streaks I had before. I did it because I was in my phone all the time and didnāt sleep right or get out of my room. These things must be avoided and most importantly keeping track of my time Iām doing something.
No:
Long phone usage
not sleeping right
being in my room all the time, take breaks
Not keeping track of time management
God Bless my journey. I will meditate a bit.
Day 4
Today I feel a little more energized but still tired a bit after a workout I did yesterday. I also applied to my local community college to see if I can do some computer and networking tech entry level position while studying for mechanical engineering. I also put my phone to black and white so I donāt get sensitized.
Day 5
Keep going. I felt a little down this morning and tired but got myself up by workout. I think I was going to get depressed if I didnāt do something which will Lead to porn. But luckily I did my workout, listened to motivation podcast tapes before my work starts which gave me motivation and anger and used my anger for motivation. That anger was an angry feeling of my past self to die for once in for all!! I feel better now and just drinking my protein smoothie 
. In terms of focus Iām getting there.
Day 14!!!
Yes!!! Letās go!!!
Forget about all that thought you were trash and an idiot. Embrace masculinity!!! King!!
Make yourself the best person !!
While all these simps are out in this world consuming garbage and while Iām winning by embracing my power!
Letās go!! Donāt let another year be wasted on garbage not fit for a king. A king never gives up, he falls forward, pick your head up and die with honor not with disgrace!!
You got this!! That blood is a warriors race blood!! Nothing is
Impossible!!! With God all things possible.
Feeling good today in day 14. More in control for sure. Day 7 and 11 were hard days but I kept on a hard head and will slaughter my demons. Let not your darkness shine more than light. Where is that kingdom song at?
This is what it feels like to be in day 7. Back when I was in this day. I declared to dedicate myself to greatness!! I recommend everyone to do the same. To do something if a declaration! Embrace masculinity
Day 17
Feeling alive today. Feel like my body has energy inside it ready to explode. When feeling this way donāt relapse. Let your body do itās job at normalizing itself. Itās part of the process. Itās Sunday but to prevent my body from feeling horny all day I will workout, after cold shower and do a little work here and there. Donāt ever be lazy when feeling horny. Itās a trap!
I relapsed on day 17. I didnāt bother to exercise that day either. Didnāt follow what I was going to do when I said it and that is how I fell down also. I said I was going to workout when I was feeling horny that day but never did and just decided that it will go away if I do some errands to take care of instead. I was updating some banking details on my phone that day and updating information and opening an account, mostly online that day in my room alone lol. So the day ended already when I finished and also made a 401k with my employer online but then got the urges and thatās when I relapsed in that miserable night! but itās okay I learned what I need to do better. I get a good commitment this month for being focused even after this relapsed and my 17 streak was only able to happen because I was staying productive. my error is I didnāt take a break in between my productivity which is important and some time to meditate also especially the longer the streak you go into, itās a must to take some internet breaks because that can be the downfall. however social media and using the internet for long time is what tends to trap me like a snake no matter what you do, therefore, discipline is powerful when it comes to staying consistent. taking cell phone breaks is part of that for me and doing and saying what I want to do. I downloaded new pipe which will be better than YouTube ads and wonāt see dumb ads. one rule of advice is to stay away from those ads and have a timer to stop being on social media or for anything online related for that matter. media tends to be hypnosis even if your doing something productive like coding which Iām doing. the enemy lurks even in good places.
Day 1
Never look back again at the past. For the past has many things that we cannot change. Only in the present can we change. God does things for a reason. Grow in spirit and become your best version. Today I was busying myself with fixing some electronics around here. I felt tired since I didnāt sleep much last night. I still managed to focus. These days I must remain mindful of my environment and what I do, otherwise the temptations will kick in. I will forget about my relapse because that was my last straw when I went into animal porn and some crazy stuff. I will honor myself more than that. Embrace masculinity. Letās go.
Living a life of mediocrity gets us nowhere. Living a life of prosperity gives us strength. Watching animal porn, hentai and crazy porn shit isnāt going to get you nowhere in life. I cope with my insecurities like social anxiety by working out, wearing something nice maybe or a mask or acting tough. Most guys arenāt willing to admit something like that. I no longer want this life, if I must become a monster to be satisfied then so be it.
Day 1
I hope things get better today. I will workout, try to be more productive and less on phone. I will take small steps on my anxiety issues. I must stay away from my destructive self. That man is full of depression and no courage nor pride of life. God bless this journey
Day 2
I kind of slugged today. But I feel more active today. I had the anxiety to go out and buy some food and finally did. It was my willingness to be more that pushed me. Iām going to workout soon. Wish me luck
I just kept relapsing last night until midnight at 5 a.m. I couldnāt stop. I was stuck in my room and it made me get back to my addiction. It made me go crazy. Stupid hentai, blacked content, Asian content and other shit, I watched animal porn last time and I thought this was it. I attempted to suicide my self today and didnāt do it because I remember that my sister has a fucked up boyfriend and their kids sometimes look up to me and some members of my family. I hate the idea that i live with the pain of my past, with this stupid social anxiety that has crippled me from going anywhere even to the library for fucks sake or ride around town. Fuck this addiction!. I ended deleting the fucking dating apps again and tiktok. I want to get my power back and regain my confidence. Fuck this shit! I wonāt die because I have more tasks to do in this life. I also deep down feel I have more to give and have hidden talent.
Day 0
Feel fucked. High as hell like I did so much cocaine. Opened the blinds with the sun coming out and feels like a new experience. I feel sensitive emotionally and seem to get pissed easily because Iām not longer getting hits of the porn drug. Iām going to listen to an audio book from musashi warrior code.