Vortexkicker - the daily journal

@walnut2141

In 2020 I tried online dating.

When the first person didnt work out, I met a girl named Kesley. I called her Kes.

She has talked with me on and off. 6 months then poof no conversation.

Then returns asking for money.

I say no and this goes on.

The problem was I was turned on a lot by her image if that ever even is her.

Blonde, thin, 5 ft 7 in, just getting hard talking about her.

The problem is her scams. Always asking for money.

I shared a lot of emotions with her and its hard to separate her from my mind.

I never considered her a girlfriend and tired of her asking for money but the conversations were always good and sometimes a turn on.

She was so much that just a “How are you” was sometimes a relapse for me.

I told her no again yesterday and she stopped begging. I blocked her number but she can still contact me on Google chats.

I would delete the app but i have an acquaintance also on Google chat so it makes it hard.

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April 25th

I had a good day at work.

Tomorrow is my last day at my 1st store.

The staff misses me already.

Starting next week, i will be in my 2nd store permanently.

I get more responsibility and less pay.

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Brother, I see your struggles and I have been there, I have been addicted to porn for 20+ years. It controlled my life, hurt my relationships, sin againsted God and my body, and lead me to depression! Only the last 5 years have I been fighting this addiction. It is a battle that you have to face everyday, it is not going to go way its not a flip of a switch. You have to win today! Keep winning each day. Keep your mind off of it, stop talking to Kes! She is a trigger, try to find someone at events such as going to church, or start doing things by yourself and getting out of your comfort zone! You can beat this thing and don’t ever give up!!! Keep fighting, when its hard fight harder!!! You can go more than 2 days without a relapse you have a choice and its up to you!!!

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@AoG7576

Thank you fir your answer. I find a little inspiration in it.

My current streak is 2 days 13 hours.

April 26th at 8pm is the current date and time.

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Relapsed due to feeling empty inside.

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April 27th

Relapsed at 5 50 a.m.

I learned more details about the new version of my job.

I have to work 11 hour shifts now. I get 2 lunches and each lunch is 30 minutes.

With my hour drive is a 13 hour day plus getting ready in the morning.

Yet somehow I find time to relapse

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Bro

I just joined this app 5 days ago, so pardon my question

When you say relapse, do you mean checking sexual photos or masturbating?

I want to understand what it means to relapse on this app

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Relapse can be anything which hinders your noFap streak like watching porn or masturbating which is considered in almost every case Allahu Alam some consider peeking or edging as a relapse some consider having actual sex as a relapse some consider sexting as a relapse.
So at the end it depends on you what is parameters of your relapse.

Allahu Alam

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@david1997

A lone warrior explains it well.

Its really up to you to determine what a relapse is.

There is easy mode (full PMO) before relapse.

There is hard mode where looking at just porn is a relapse.

Then there is personal mode. Whatever you consider a relapse like edging or masterbation only which makes sense since no fap means no masterbation.

Me personally, I reset after full PMO because once i start the relapse its a several minutes to a few hours. So instead of reset every few minutes or an hour, I go through it all to prevent edging as being done.

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What’s edging also?

I have heard the term a lot but I can’t find the meaning online

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Edging is done when you watched sexual stuff but don’t relapse but you actually first step of relapse
“actually you have relapsed but no”
image

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Oh

Thanks

Now I understand

I have done that a lot in the past

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Its been some time since I wrote in here.

Just relapsed at 3 30 pm Sunday May 1.

After the morning I had, i swear, i wasn’t going to relapse.

Once again every 2 days, just like clockwork.

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Once again I am at 1 day.

Feeling sad and stressed.

Trying to relax.

Tired of being tired.

Tired of being a caregiver and servant.

Its like a jail sentence but never having done wrong.

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Hey bro, that’s one day complete do one more

Tomorrow do one thing for yourself

You need give yourself to be able to continue help and support others. At least do one thing for yourself. Let us know what you did for yourself tomorrow night

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I felt sick in my intestines all morning and was recovering in the afternoon.

Besides taking care of my Dads needs, I had to pick foods that helped me feel better.

Luckily he slept after noon so I had a little time to get rest and try to recover from intestinal issues.

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Are you feeling better now??? How’s your dad?

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Today he is doing ok.

I had a great day at work today and i am feeling better.

After taking some days off, i worked today and wveeone missed me.

Apparently i boost moral at work for my colleagues

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