Today is extremely stressful.
Took the day off of work to be with my parents as my Dad was in the hospital twice yesterday into today.
He keeps bleeding internally.
When I get stressed, I run away from it.
I have not yet learned how to face my problems.
I fear i never will.
My relapse today is causing anxiety and adding to my stress.
Just typing here helps a bit.
feelings come, feelings go. No need to worry.
wish your dad all the best.
Had an ok day at work.
Stomach feels odd.
Feeling empty in my soul.
The urges are starting to build.
I have this problem every cycle.
I must beat the cycle and win.
I must free myself from this addiction.
You are strong, you want to be free, you can be free
April 13th end of day
Today at work was crazy busy.
I did more things than my job description.
At the end of the day, i had 2 employees tell me how greatful they are that I’m there.
They told me compared to the last 2 people who do what I do, I’m the best.
They told me how much they appreciate my work.
Woke up with morning wood and relapsed.
My streak was 3 days
Don’t give up, start again tomorrow💪
This is my Day 1.
My head felt very ichy this morning and is slightly better now after my shower.
Maybe i need a new shampoo.
I had an urge before my shower and got past it.
I feel just ok right. I hope i will be stronger when my next urge comes.
April 16th end of day
My day was filled with urges. I had at least 4 of them today.
Somehow i have made it through today with some peeking though.
Its all new territory now.
I will keep the updates coming.
Plus my job is changing to just 1 store as I currently work in 2 locations.
I peeked more just now and relapsed.
I need a new routine to avoid peeking.
Today is relapsed in the morning.
My streak is 12 hours.
My job is changing and I will be losing 100 dollars a paycheck.
I get to meet the woman taking over my 1st store tomorrow and find out why she never works alone.
Im feeling sad inside.
The people I work with in my 1 st store learned that I am leaving for my 2nd store permanently.
This makes me feel sad.
And sadness leads to relapse.
Hey, it seems like everything is pretty hard in general for you right now. If you ever feel like you just need to talk to someone I am willing to listen. (If you’d want to private message or something, I check here almost everyday, so I should see it) Just want you to know I am here if you need it!
Chopped a tree this morning and relapsed.
Had so much testosterone in my that this
The end result won’t upload
But basically all the snow is gone and the tree is moved
Another relapse. Only 1 day 16 hours.
I feel like im going backwards.
Relapsed 3 times this week.
Another relapse because of Kes.
Why do i keep her picture?
Why do i keep texting with her on Google chat app where you can’t block anyone?
She is emotionally depriving.
April 24th 8 32 am
I want to give up now.
I have heen in this addiction for two years and have been trying to leave it for a year and a half.
I keep posting the same thing.
I gi 2 days and relapse.
It never changes. I am unable. God has completed forsaken me.