The greatest ever- The final frontier's diary

I have fapped just now. Yes, it is a relapse.

But that is NOT the problem.

The problem is that a relapse is a result of the lifestyle I am living.

I woke up late, unmotivated, did not meditate, did not exercise, I thought I would do some work and work out in the evening. Guess what I became horny searched for shit and relapsed.

It lasted 5 seconds. Even lesser. It just came out. I am suffering from Premature ejaculation now.

I know the only way out is a big streak.

I will fix my LIFE instead of focussing on PMO as a lot of group members suggested on my previous relapse.

All my energy on building the new.

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And another one. Another relapse.

This momentary high is like an injection of dopamine that makes one dependent on it.

Ihave fapped again. God, it does take away my power.

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Hi guys. What do you think about this video ?

Very practical but difficult as hell.

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That’s it guys. I am finally free. Serious this time.

PLEASE READ IT FULLY. THIS CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE. TRUST ME.

It is such a low level pleasure that once you encounter higher pleasures like spiritual oneness, this would not seem pleasurable.

I meditate for 1.5-2 hours taking recommendation from the previous post. And felt really blissful.

Then I decided to touch my genitals again.

Hold on. Don’t judge me.

Yes I decided to touch my genitals fully mindfully really trying to understand what it is and why I do it.

To my surprise I did not want to do it.

I felt disgusted by it and I did not feel any pleasure.

Don’t get me wrong. I was still getting aroused and my dick was hard as fuck but I was being observant of all sensations and trying to just stroke it really SLOWLY.

I realized that it is NOT PLEASURE.

It is simply a rise of energy and makes energy move uncomfortably towards my genitals and is actually discomfort so to say. Because it wanted me to take out that energy. And it was more AN URGE than PLEASURE.

I began rubbing my nipples in a similar way and very slow and I felt that what we consider pleasure is actually not pleasure. It is just some sensation that we mistake for pleasure.

Now again I took it to another level and I opened porn videos of my favourite pornstar. God damn it, I found it disgusting you won’t believe.

I felt bad at watching this and realized it to be a useless activity.

Damn guys. I have FINALLY UNLOCKED THE MYSTERY.

The book EasyPeasy makes sense. Total sense.

For the first time I can actually understand it.

The reason we consider it to be PLEASURE is because WE ARE IN DISCOMFORT AND PAIN already . Which maybe due to day to day stresses or maybe induced by PMO itself and then to overcome it we GO TO IT again.
And since we are in pain these sensations SHADOW them. And we think it is pleasure because momentarily our PAIN disappears.

God damn it.

I have figured it out finally.

And I am free.

I have to keep reminding my that and meditate and stay at a HIGHER CONSCIOUSNESS level. Then this petty thing won’t bother me.

So how do we free ourselves ?

RAISE YOUR VIBRATIONS.

NEVER FALL TO THIS TRAP.

THIS IS AN ILLUSION.

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You can’t be more right. Our daily life is so bad that even 5 minutes of escape (notice that I’ve said escape, not pleasure) feels worthy to us, to go through all the trouble of doing pmo and facing the consequences afterwards.
That’s why I’ve stopped obsessing on nofap and started fixing my life. Our day to day life has to be so good that those 5 - 10 seconds of pleasure won’t be worth shit. We have to achieve a state where pmo will only drag us down, not provide any kind of temporary fix.

Because at the end of the day, we are only doing pmo to escape from ourselves. It is time we see our life as it is, and remove the illusion that is pmo. It’s time to take action, and kill the procrastination. It’s time we take control of our life.

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Today is 1st December. 2020 is coming to an end. Was a bad year for me because I became indisciplined, lost my routines and began crying like a bitch, relapsed billion times.

BUT ALSO JUST YESTERDAY I HAD THIS AMAZING EPIPHANY THAT PMO IS NOT PLEASURE.

That’s right. Porn is not Pleasure. Masturbation is not pleasure. Orgasm is not pleasure.

It is PAIN. IT IS TRULY HARD TO UNDERSTAND IT.

And I had to force myself to understand it again after I truly understood it yesterday.

Porn just gives an ILLUSION OF PLEASURE and only when YOU ARE IN PAIN.

Try to meditate for 2 hours and then watch porn but in an observant manner.

Observe what’s going on in your body. You will notice sensations of discomfort arising BECAUSE of PORN as you open it and the DESIRE TO COVER THAT DISCOMFORT by WATCHING MORE PORN.

IT is an UGLY TRAP. SO WITH MASTURBATION. If you mindfully masturbate you will realize that IT IS DISCOMFORT AS WELL. IT IS PAIN as energy is leaving your body and your body just releases pleasure chemicals to cover the loss as it is meant to REPRODUCE a new human. And you DO NOT. So you are taking the PAIN disguised as PLEASURE.

IT IS HARD TO UNDERSTAND THIS. BUT I AM IN TERMS WITH THE FACT THAT PORN, MASTURBATION AND ORGASM ARE NOT PLEASURE.

What is pleasure ?

PLeasure is spiritual oneness.

Meditate and be in the moment. That brings a STABLE JOY. Much better than the iLLUSION OF PLEASURE.

Anyway from 1st December I am free from this shit now totally and 2021 is emerging soon.
So I will Work on my VIsion 2024 of Akhand Brahmacharya.

I would not have sex within the next 3 years.

I would allow myself to date multiple women and finally select a partner at the end of 2024.

I would fully focus on my visions and goals and take small actions every single day.

I would not beat myself up if I fail to follow a habit or even accidently relapse. But rather act like my IDEAL 2024 self and bring myself back.

I would try my best to achieve my 2024 vision. Now I am not perfect. But I will give my best this time. Enough is enough.

And even if I do not achieve it for some reason, I will make sure I enjoy every moment of the journey so that I do not have any regrets.

I love you all.

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I read many post of your diary. Many times you said bad about yourself. But trust me you are a genius. You can achieve a lot in life with this genius mind. Don’t get distracted by your surrounding that you are a failure. Go and ask your mom you really have a lot of intuition. God must have given it with purpose so use it to serve mankind. Trust me don’t bother about ur age or anything, you can surely achieve a lot, even the hack author of easy peasy wrote that book at 40yrs. You can achieve a lot.

All the best. :tada:

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Man. Much love to you. Thank you so much for the kind words. Nail PMO. LETS SCREW THIS HABIT AND ACHIEVE GREATNESS.

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Guys listen. I do not feel like FAPPING at all.

I HAVE UNDERSTOOD THE FACT THAT PORN IS JUST A FIX TO YOUR BAD EMOTIONS.

THE SOLUTION is to stay in a good mood. Or change your STATE by meditating, exercise, going out, talking to friends, etc. Ideally meditation as it raises your consciousness. You will be surprised why you ever did it.

I am shocked that I have been doing it for years.

If you ever have the urge to fap, SLOW DOWN, observe what is going on in your body. Most likely you are anxious, have too much energy, your heart is beating or you have brain fog or depression or any other negative emotion underlying this subtle urge which you are mistakenly viewing as sexual.

Be observant of the pain and repair it by meditating or changing your state. Then masturbate if you want to. But being fully aware.

Most likely you WOULD NOT WANT TO MASTURBATE OR WATCH SHIT.
YOU SHOULD FEEL THE FUTILITY OF IT.

Then you will be free.

I need to keep reminding myself this simple fact guys.
Because the brain is a dangerous machine.

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You are a warrior …but ask some questions to yourself!!!
1]waking up at 4 am to 5 am???
2] doing meditation without missing any day???
3]sleeping before 11 am?
4]daily exercise…
If you are not doing…you will relapse!
No one can save you …
And after one relapse you will post here…I am a akhand bhrmachari…I am a strong…this time I will not fap…blahhhh blahhh…after somedays again same story you will do…:sweat_smile:
I NOTICED THAT IN YOUR DIARY.

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Dude. I have severe urges right now. But I know the trap now. Relapsing will make it worse. I won’t do it.

I DO NOT FAP. PERIOD.

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I need to change my state from horny to satisfied.

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Go take cold shower Right now

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I will workout instead.

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These uncomfortable urges are caused by PMO in the first place.

If I do PMO to relieve the symptoms from PMO, it does not make any sense right ?

So I will relax and workout and get back to work.

I CANNOT RELAPSE. BECAUSE IT IS NOT PLEASURE. IT IS PAIN. PMO IS PAIN.

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The only way out is GREATNESS.

As I mentioned some time back that once I experienced the bliss after 2 hours of meditation, I found PMO meaningless and did not have any urge towards it.

However the challenge is maintaining that higher consciousness state.

Having a goal to become the best in the world will consume 100 percent of your time such that you would not have time for bullshit.

@_TIGER I have relapsed. again. you were right. This year is going to an end and I have fallen really back this year. Last year I was abstinent most of the time nad had bigger streaks. I fucked it up this year.
At this stage I must admit that PMO is my biggest problem. I am an orgasm addict. I think for me, orgasm is more of a problem than just porn. Because even without porn, I masturbate and try to get orgasm asap.

I fell back to the trap again. I was probably at an uncomfortable state and did not change the state on time hence relapsed.

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Bhai you should read srimad Bhagvad Geeta… please read bro…you can watch porn but without thinking read this book continuously.

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Two things -

  1. I did not change my state.
  2. I did not plant my Brahmachari identity strongly enough

I will repeat to myself every single day two times “I am so grateful that I am finally free from this addiction” to feel a state of bliss and freedom

I will also make my identity stronger by repeating “I am a Brahmachari”

I am not gonna give up till I figure it out.

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@_TIGER what do you mean you can watch porn without thinking ?