Virarjun Diary 108 days

Diary
1

Addict for 12 years already.
I have let those virtual images and videos enslave me.

I have postponed this fight for many years.

But i have realized if can’t postpone it anymore i can’t run from it.
I won’t t blame anyone.
This fight has come by providence.
This is my Kurukshetra.

Today I start I choose to not watch ■■■■ no PMO.
I am cleansing my mind from this addiction once and for all and live full of Veerya and Tejas no longer sitting Infront of a screen watching fake images.

A healthy life full of vigor, confidence, determination and fighting spirit.

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Day 1 here I go.

Jai Sri Krishna!

I take the Gandiv today fully resolved.
I will fight the addiction I will not yield this time!

Lord, kindly be with me.
Lord you are with me, I’m powerful and in control of myself.

I am stronger than any addiction.
I will conquer myself.

If I feel a urge, I will do something else and transmute the energy into a sattvic action.
If I don’t feel like it I will stick to my daily tasks of discipline anyway, my power comes from within from my will.

day 1:
So far so good.
The urges came but I negated them.

I ate my breakfast:

Oats milk dates and walnuts.
I will prepare my own breakfast.
Will not buy street food as breakfast during this 100 days.

I have started cold bath(really needed to push ,myself but i made it), meditating and walking in the early morning and sarvangasana for 5 minutes too.
I have decided to make this 5 part of my routine for the 100 days.

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Day 2 checking in:

The urges came strong yesterday night.
But I stuck to my word and went to sleep.
I stood strong I did not run like coward this time.
I was stronger and came on top.
Thank you Lord Krishna.

Its the first day I am very happy for this victory.
One day at a time, I feel pretty resolved I really don’t want to watch that fake shit anymore, that illusion.

It taints the mind with passion and ignorance.
makes one coward and controlled by emotions.
I must keep it elevated in goodness.

Now I am going to bath to start meditation.
looking forward to a PMO free day today too.

In office now,
I will start reading some verses of god’s book from today at least one verse a day.

BG 2.48:
Perform your duty equipoised, O Arjuna, abandoning all attachment to success or failure.
Such equanimity is called yoga.

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Day 3 checking in.

The urge came again yesterday night to watch.
But I was expecting it, I stick again to my word and resolve.
Its a fight, I am determined to not go back to that shit, to be a slave to a screen.

Lord Krishna you are all powerful I stick to you and my resolve, my word I am stronger than my mind and emotions.
My discipline is holding.

Today is Sri Balram Jayanti.

I’ts just day 3 but each day is progress.
4 more days for my first week.

I am adding more and more things to do to elevate my mind i will try to read more of the Gita, the book of God its very inspiring.

Was a good day in office I fasted till noon and then ate lunch was really hungry.
I had by habit cooked my oats milk and walnuts, so i gave it to a poor stray dog I met on the road.
It was satisfying felt happy and cheered my heart to see it eat, its good help others and animals are also children of lord Krishna.

a gentleman told me today indeed during a random conversation that we should act through reason and not driven by emotions. Indeed he who is driven by emotions in goaded by pursue of pleasure is a slave.
i consider it the lord hinting me since he lives in the heart of all beings, I will strive to live for now on driven by reason and discipline

[Chapter 2, Verse 58]
One who is able to withdraw his senses from sense objects, as the tortoise draws his limbs within the shell, is to be understood as truly situated in knowledge.

indeed the intelligent controls his senses and the non-intelligent gets controlled by it and cannot act freely through his own will.

We have become like this, now weak and controlled by this useless habit.
We must fight to regain control and become Jitendriam.
Like Pandavas defeat the Kauravas and regain our kingdom or control over our body and mind back.

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Day 4 checking in.

Yesterday night i almost watched ■■■■.
I started typing a website but then i recalled my resolve and said NO.
I remembered Sri Krishna and closed my laptop at once and went to sleep.
Its really a battle of will and resolve me vs the attachment of mind to that fake virtual shit due to years watching.
I am happy i did not follow through, I came on top again.

I decide not an addiction or feeling.

Anyone else struggling, stand and fight do not let the attachment the addiction choose for you.
Jai Krishna! We are powerful we are stronger.

Everyday we do not watch makes our will stronger and the urge weaker.

I can see that its mostly the night time that the addict shows up I will be especially wary and alert of this.
I know this for it has been quite long this way.
Know your enemy and know yourself a 1000 battles a 1000 victories.

Thank you for this week of revelation this week of preparation dear lord Krishna, Kanha.
you are mighty its the journey not the reward that leads to growth!

Now its time for cold bath and meditation then reading Gita I have started to grow attached to this book i am happy.
I will try to see how much I can read before going to office.

today in office i saw people in a teams meeting how they changed the background i thought the person was in an actual suite/hotel! but it was a background. see how far the world has gone how much people can do fake environments and fake people on the internet.

Moha illusion we must be very alert what we see and hear so many things are illusions in this digital world.
We must not be attached to this place or things inside the digital world video games and especially those movies they are all fake temporary pleasure if indulged too much in it one becomes attached and wastes tons of time.
They are illusions used by the media to trap people with excitement of pleasure and comfort keep in a letargic tamasic mode or constantly running after pleasure in a circle of rajas excitement.

No steadiness or self control this is only achievable in the mode of goodness.
Conveniently ■■■■ definitely won’t let us rise there. I can feel the difference in just this 4 days i can really feel my mind is being de-cluttered of the shit. I can think more clear.

By your grace Lord Krishna I overcome this thing day by day step by step a journey of 1000 miles starts w single steady step on after another. forward we go.

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Day 5 checking in.

The urge came again yesterday night, I negated it again I choose.
Like a man I stood my ground and made my choice. Its great to be victorious to be aware I am stronger.
the urge is getting weaker, soon I will fully subdue it.

As I woke up to brush my teeth i saw the full moon outside the window, i felt so nice.
No more living in that fake virtual shit on a screen for me.
It really feels nice this world made by God I can hear the birds chirping and the rooster crowing now. singing a song for Lord Krishna.

5th day without the virtual shit.
My mind feels serene listening to real sounds of nature. I really feel I am gaining control.

Now I go push myself into the cold bath to do meditation and reading i will try to read a full chapter today before going to office.

My first weekend is coming, I know I can make it ■■■■ free especially cause Janmastami is next week.
This 5 days without seeing any sex on my screen, without pictures or videos of naked woman has been great. and I choose to keep it like i will keep my mind clean of those images and the rest of September too.

Lord Krishna is the supermost male the Purusha the Lord of the universe. I meditate on you, I cling to you lord.

My manliness increases my Virya, Tejas and Shauryam increases day by day like a raging fire devouring all vice lethargy and all urge to that fake virtual shit.

I am resolved.

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Day 6 checking in

Its weekend i got first house chores today! cleanliness is the mark of a gentlemen.

Lets go my first Weekend free of that Shit on a screen!

I am stronger! I am in Control!

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Day 7 checking in

The urge came but it was less intense than before, I can feel i am gaining control.

I am feeling good this weekend and can’t wait for next week.

But I am doing everything I can today not tommorow or later!

Fuck that I’ll do it tomorrow bullshit attitude i had for years. Today or right now I won’t run anymore.

From now on my Sundays are to clean my house fully and prepare myself clean uniform clean shoes, nicely shaven.
I even bought a cologne bottle from a girl that sells them.(hahahha I am simply laughing at the changes that are coming simply by having quit that virtual shit for just a few days.)

I have prepared my diet chores and tasks for the remaining 100 days:
My day will start at 4.30 Am
My tasks and schedules for self discipline are in my my note book i keep on the desk near my bed.

Gita will be daily part of it.

I lament wasting time watching those bulshit tv serials that lied to me but now that I have read the book of god 5000 year ago spoken by him. older than all other books.
I know the truth It’s sri Krishna the supreme person.

I lament I did not read it sooner.

The armies are gathered on the battlefield.

My discipline in the state of Goodness and willpower, cleanliness and order and my Resolve overall:
Are my allies, my Gandiva bow and weapons and warriors.

My foe is the urge to watch ■■■■, sitting idle watching YouTube video’s or sitting idle in general infront of a damn screen. and addiction to excessive pleasure. tamasic idleness and rajasic driven by emotions actions.
Its my foe for its weaker than me like snakes are weaker than Garudaji.

Its just inanimate objects fake virtual images of fake people on the internet.
they have no power over me it cannot force me to search or watch them. nor can my mind command me to watch ■■■■ at night or any time of the day. the negative words of others also do not have power over me for the lord is with me, i am powerful.
Before this 7 days like coward I ran and gave in before, offering weak or no resistance when the urge came before I ran like Pathetic Coward Instead of standing and pushing back!

But not anymore Yuddhe!

I fight back i am stronger than my mind and emotions of like and dislike.

I am confident after this 7 days that the lord’s name is powerful.
simply praising and thinking of you and striving o lord Krishna has helped me control this 7 days.

My feels fresher cleaner from the bullshit.
I seriously feel stronger and more determined.

I think keeping my mind in praising lord Krishna and elevated thoughts on Krishna are keeping me in a positive mental state of goodness.

This is not about a streak, its about removing the addiction forever from my mind.Its about free will and power over myself.
I choose not to give in to that virtual shit on a screen anymore.

it cannot control me, it can’t do nothing! for it is just some fake virtual images I choose i decide! what I do each day and every day.

And i choose to be a powerful man in control of myself of my actions and my time.

I know i can do it.
But still I humbly remember Sri Krishna without him nothing can be successful.

I can feel the urges are lesser than 7 days ago and my will is stronger.
The same treatment for the 93 days left.
I will just stick with energy to my sattivc discipline and resolve!
I won’t let it push me back.!

I am glad for this fight actually for now i stick more to Krishna.
I have learned a lot of god in this days.

Even if I somehow relaps i will have no regrets and start again for i have never been so far so clear mind and attitude.
I can clearly seen how i am growing and making daily progress little by little i am doing and attempting new things like never before.

I focus on the action on the duty on doing my my very best overall. like you say in your book Lord Krishna.

93 days of aggressive forward fire.
93 days of discipline of pure hardened will are coming.

I will conquer my actions i will conquer my self fully.

Talking about not postponing, I am going to dispose of old clothing papers and everything i have been hoarding and not used in a while or are broken right now.

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This is my personal diary.

Last week I learned so much thanks to the lord I feel bubbling energy inside of me this morning.

like a flame that’s eager to burn and achieve tasks.

I have decided that this will be start of my new life not just to quit ■■■■ but a new diciplined life of power and self control.
I will make my reboot not 100 but 108.

In 3 day there will be Janmastami.

I will not count this first 7 days they where great and the prelude of what is coming.

I will start counting afresh from there.

90, 100 or 108 days is nothing in my quest to become my better self.

Thanks to Lord Krishna i feel fresh in mind confident in my control and resolve i proved myself i do not need that fake virtual shit. it is fake anyway I am better than that and it can do Nothing to me for i decide.

But i know the addiction is still lingering there due to years the attachment as mentioned in gita that turns into lust.
Its an illusion i decide! and I decide to break it it by Choice my actions! nothing can Force me that shit on a screen cannot force me! last week have proven me this! I have the Control and choice!

Jai Sri Krishna!

I feel the urge to fight! rather than obey to impose my will an conquer my mind and actions

I will follow my discipline to the T like a warrior that I am.
I am stronger than everything because I cling to Lord Krishna.

Time to seize the day, Impose my dominance over the day for I am stronger and in control of my actions:

cold bad and meditation

Today I read my gita sloka after meditation but also started reading SB or the book narrating lord Krishna’s advent and activities on this planet.

I will read from it each day also as daily discipline.

It so amazing how god was born in the prison on kansa but the prison could not hold him doors opened at will and the lord went out at will. Ajita

Similarly the prison of daily ■■■■ addiction cannot hold me anymore nothing can hold me or push me back for I cling to lord Krishna. Lord the supreme controller. help me to control myself.

By your grace I decide what i do, I choose.

Jai Sri Krishna!

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Just as the Holy river Ganga cleansed herself during lockdown. when all the factories dumping shit in her where closed.

Similarly our mind cleanses itself if we stop watching the fake shit(fake virtual images of woman and sex on a screen).

Stop dumping shit and vices(rajas and tamas) in your mind through what you see and hear.

let the mud reseed,wash away and Cristal clear water will be visible full of life.

If we focus our mind on Lord Krishna the residue will be cleaned off even faster.

Jai Sri Krishna

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A new day.
Urges came but my resolve stays firm.

Time for action.

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12

Jai Sri Krishna.

This janmasthami…

All I have learned has led me to this moment. the days I have abstained has led me to this moment.
I have my daily program of discipline from morning till evening when its time to go to sleep sorted and set in order to transmute and direct pent-up energy.

By Lord Krishna’s grace I am stronger.
Like the flowing Ganga during lock-down my mind is getting fully purified from all the trash by not adding to it…

The mud recedes day by day and crystal clear water is starting to be seen.

I don’t think i will relapse, all this days have shown me i can, that i am in control.

But even if it happens I will not blame anyone, I will pick myself up and go again.

I have never felt so confident that even failure does not scare me.

Shame is not in falling, shame is in falling and staying down like coward!
Shame is in not fighting! In giving up like coward!

It must be due to reading Gita:
Arjuna abandon attachment to success and failure and Fight.

I will keep my daily log from now on short and simple.
my main objective is to not watch pornography and not sit idle at all.
secondary are the tasks on my agenda/list of discipline.

The time to talk is over its time for action,the conch-shells are blowing.
Its just a matter of desire of firm resolve and discipline now.

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Day 1.

Like the Ganges my mind cleanses itself each day I do not watch that shit.
The mud recedes day by day.

I flood my mind with positivity and masculine Force, I think of the Super most Male Being the supreme controller Lord Krishna.

I am stronger.
now I stick to my resolve, my word and Discipline.

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Day 2

Got up early had my bath.
My mind cleanses itself like the pure and powerful Ganga.
Time to read from the book of God, Gita and go to office.
I remember the super-most male the supreme controller Lord Krishna.
I am stronger than my impulses .

I just got to stick to my word and the sattvic dicipline or the routine i had prepared during this days.
Just stay under the routine.
Lord Krishna started his journey 2 days ago I go along with him.

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day 3

mind clean from seeing that is the way to go
Just stick to my resolve and dicipline.

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Day 1.
Had a fall down yesterday, but I pick myself up.
No excuses.

I focus on myself and on the super-most male being lord Krishna.
I stick to my resolve I stick to my discipline.

This is a worthy opponent and I’ll go all in.

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day 2.

I deleted everything I cleansed my browser.
I made it far last time. I will do it again. I know I can.

My mind cleanses itself like the Ganges during lock-down.
led the mud recede.
A stream of clear water with vigor and confidence torrents forward.
Jai Sri Krishna.