Noticing as the more days go on wile doing semen retention (day 3 currently) my view of my current partner begins to decline (her and I have been together 5 months now). Less romantically interested. Less of a turn on when being with them. Her displays of affection sometimes stir a negative flinching response within me. However the pleasure of her company and friendship has not dwindled.
I came accross a saying the other day from Jordan B. Peterson in a YouTube video about how people who are incompetent are intimidated by competency. So then the incompetent person attracts and settles for someone they view incompetent enough to not stir up any uncomfortable feelings of their own self limitations. Otherwise a competent partner acts as a mirror reflecting the brutal yet honest truth of their lack of effort in striving and believing in their better self.
I’ve both been the toxic one and dated enough toxic people to know that my current partner is enough in her own way. It’s my negative self beliefs that I projected upon her that made me realize I convinced myself I would settle for her. I realize now as I continue to retain, my self respect and mood improves. I notice the people and environment I attracted while in a lower state. It’s like looking back I feel the need to “clean house”.
I think the most difficult realization is knowing I should have never started a relationship while starting no fap and semen retention. I still have more work to do in understanding self respect, self love and when I’m truly ready for a relationship. Not just because I feel lonely while practicing SR