2021-08-03T18:30:00Z
C.S. 
Going through a challenging phase recently, it’s testing my limits, though not giving up for sure. I think I’ve hit flatline I’m getting uninterested in everything, bored, lazy, etc.
Recently my 12th result came out and I’m disappointed moreover my parents are really disappointed. They’re in disbelief, they are not talking to me, they have lost hope that I’ll do anything in life. I was not that disappointed by my result but seeing their behaviour I feel like I’ve failed them. It was my fault afterall, I gave them high hopes but I couldn’t get there. Failing to meet expectations hurts more. Though this result doesn’t matter for the career I’m gonna pursue but for once I wanted to get great marks just for my parents and I got so close but my past got the last laugh. Anyways idc, what happened is happened, I can’t be bothered anymore, it’s okay if they don’t trust me for now, things will change eventually. I just feel very lonely, nobody believes in me, nobody likes to stay around me, I’m fighting alone with myself in the dark. But on the positive side I’m getting stronger each day, each challenge comes with new opportunities it’s just about recognising them and overcoming the challenges rather than kneeling to them.
To deal with flatline I went out for a walk early morning, feeling better now. Urges have almost faded, only loneliness remains which is the next challenge. Meh, I’ll find something to get me busy.
Everything will be alright. Trust me.
Pain will make you a believer
Hang in there brother, There are times like these in everyone lives. And from these times, A strong warrior emerges out. No matter how much disadvantages you have, There always a way. There always comes a time when life gives you opportunity. You just have to be prepared for that one moment 
Young Man, You too can become a Hero 
~ All Might (My hero academia)
This time nobody can take it from me
2021-08-04T18:30:00Z
C.S.
Had a nightfall yesterday on 20th day. Got up early and went for a run. I can’t jog for longer my lower legs get sore after 5 mins even if I jog at a slow pace. Can’t even make a km. Anyways it was just my 2nd day, I’ll try some techniques I read on the internet to improve my state. But it was refreshing, came home took a cold shower and slept again.
2021-08-07T18:30:00Z
C.S.
Losing motivation not just for no fap but for everything. Procastinating alot and work’s just piling up, I’m not doing anything. I’ll start from tomorrow, tomorrow is monday. How I utilise rest of this year will determine where I’ll be next year so it’s necessary to hustle in these 5 months.
2021-08-09T18:30:00Z
C.S.
Building up my daily routine slowly. Yesterday I filled a registration form that was pending from few days, now that’s off the list. Trying to build up a routine of waking up early and going for a run. But today’s morning was weird, normally there are only old uncles and aunties, athletes, and army trainees doing their morning walk or run but today there were so many girls 
yesterday I saw only 2 girls but today there were like 20. Even 2 girls from my own society were there, I was only seeing bouncing asses left, right and centre to the point I had to walk by looking down at the road 
I don’t wanna be distracted.
My mom said not to go alone and I should drag my brother with me, but I know he’ll go for 2 days then that’s it, not going for the next 6 months 
Maybe I should hook up with someone, it’s about time I also get a girlfriend, maybe they are interested or maybe they are not. It’s risky I don’t wanna be heartbroken again ❤🩹 let’s see if they spark a convo then I’ll move forward, I’m not gonna make the first move. 
2021-08-10T18:30:00Z
I relapsed on purpose. So lately I’ve started reading easypeasy book and to make it more relatable I relapsed without porn just to understand what the book is trying to convey. And so far it’s really true what’s written in it.
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It doesn’t release the stress instead it manifests it
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We ourself build up the tension just to get the satisfaction of releasing it. Like wearing tight shoes just to feel relieved after removing them.
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PMO is not actually required like any other addiction. You don’t need to do it unless you tempt yourself to do it.
Till now I’ve only read this much only, and everything proves to be true. I wasn’t stressed before the session but was after doing it, not because I broke my streak, it doesn’t matter anymore, but because I was already free yet I choose to do it anyways out of curiosity. The feeling was like the first time we do masturbation, same. Also I didn’t go for run today so I’m already feeling irritated like my day is ruined, running is natural dopamine for me. Now I know my strengths and weakness.
I can’t forget her, every second I breathe in her memory. She has took over my life, I don’t want her. My mindset has become very unusual, weird thoughts are coming in my mind. It’s tried not to show it but the truth is I’m still mad for her. Without her every second feels like an eternity. My every action depends on her reaction. 
Why did I fell in love? Why not can I just move on? What do I want? When will this misery end??
I’m working towards my goal everyday, I keep myself busy and occupied. I don’t have her pictures, nor do I stalk or follow her. But at the end of everything only thing I see is us sitting together looking in each other’s eyes, that’s what I imagine every day. That’s peace for me 
I’m not asking that she should be with me, all I want is her to be happy always no matter with whom she lives. My Love 
What’s in her boyfriend that is not in me? Why am I like this? It’s my mistake, I’m socially awkward, a stutterer, dyslexic, and depressed. She’s full of life and I don’t even have a little. Why would she like me? Until I fix all of my faults it will be too late, she would be gone by then 😮💨 so I’d never attain peace 
I too felt that way brother @The_integrous_one know about this, I was really involved very deeply and It was very depressing that time, Asking all sort of questions and stuff. Blaming myself all that. But Any advice that anyone gave me doesn’t work, people were like move on brother, It’s not the end of the world. And I was like - Tum nahi samjhoge bhai pyaar kya hai (Bollywood really fcked my mind) and then soon I started hanging out with my friends, Found out about nofap,shwetabh gangwar. It was that time that I look back now, Which changed me a lot and I am very thankful for it.
I can’t give you any advice brother. Coz I know you are really into this and won’t understand since I was the same as you. But just remember this, You are going to appreciate this time one day and You will be thankful for whatever happened, Things will get a lot better in future bro, If you just don’t sit and start doing work and start feeling happy again. Don’t be with someone who doesn’t really want to be with you. Even if you get her back you won’t be happy. This time shall pass too brother. Just keep living a happy life and keep improving yourself.
And most importantly, You relapsed that’s why you are feeling depressed, I am making you realize don’t ever make excuse for relapse bro, I have always regretted. When you will be filled with energy you will automatically focus on improving yourself. My best wishes to you bro 
Stay Strong 
I don’t know if it’s love or what but I’m scared, I have a fear that I won’t be able to see her again once I leave this town for higher studies.
I never got her in the first place, I’m single ever since I was just a sperm 
And in terms of friends I don’t have any friends irl but I try to keep myself busy for most part of the day but there are times when I just can’t help myself and get stuck in the void of emptiness. Maybe that’s because of the relapse that these feelings hit me so hard but still I can’t get over her memories. Each second for the past one year I think about her, it’s really hard to live that way. Maybe I should have just told her, this thought will bother me for the upcoming years.
Anyways let’s hope this passes soon, I want to focus on my own life. I don’t want love to be weakness, I want it to be my strength.
This is only for hormonal inbalance…take care bro…
No one cares
Im loving the racism!
and harsh truthThat you are a racist or you like making racist jokes?
I agree!!! All my friends always talk about stupid bollywood love and fucking stalking girls
Feels so cheap
Well either way, good for you. But don’t make such jokes in a public thread ok. This is a personal diary so not that serious. But some might find it offensive.
And just so you know, not every guy likes white chicks. Me personally prefer darker chicks. White chicks are overrated