Vicky's Posts <18M

One thing on this journey that really had a significant impact on my life is recovering from depression. Even though I haven’t got out of PMO yet still I’m happy that my suicidal tendencies are gone! And that’s all in all I’ve been able to achieve till now and that’s really great. Looking at life through a wider lense, diving deeper while feeling the surface, it’s simple yet wonderful.

Now I’m not as lost as I was before, I’ve some goals, some dreams, and some fantasies too. I’m exploring new things and developing more interests in which I’ve seen progress, slow but still progress. Things do get better over time. But whatever I’m still enjoying my life more than I ever did before.

Though I’m not focusing much on PMO these days, even relaping daily but it’s okay, I have tried hard before and it didn’t work out as well so now I’m following a slow and gradual transition. And it is actually working, mind’s less prevented and attractions to lust is also coming down. Main point is to just stay happy and satisfied. :v: :heart:

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Well written bro, we must always have like that mindset in order to stay grounded and content with ourselves. :v: :v: :fire:

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I will admit, NF has definitely helped me with that as well! Even if you are relapsing a lot, it’s the journey that matters, not the destination.

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Best of luck to you. In the same boat here

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That’s right :+1:
We all will get through eventually
Patience, Perseverance, Dedication :fire:

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Slow and Steady win the race

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In reality it’s not about velocity, Perseverance was the real reason why the turtle won. Rabbit would have easily won if he didn’t rest. Slow and steady is fine but perseverance should not be overlooked. :v:

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2021-06-26T18:30:00Z

It’s around 5 in the morning, I woke up at 4 because I had been vaccinated earlier for covid so had a mild fever and chills, took medicine and then it went away in few minutes, can’t sleep though.

When I was at the vaccination center yesterday there were also a few girls, although I didn’t had any negative thoughts involving them but some girls were staring at me so I had thoughts that they might be interested in me :stuck_out_tongue: overall I had a pretty good self control unlike in past where whenever I saw a girl I only had sexual thoughts. Mind is alot clearer these days in terms of many things be it social, personal, love, career, etc. Feeling great overall :v:

True love is ubiquitous if seen in every form:heart:

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2021-06-30T18:30:00Z
Current streak - Day 6
No urges so far, I’m not entertaining any sexual thought even for a second so it’s helping a lot because if we give them attention in early stages then they grow stronger overtime and we end up breaking our streak. Not fantasizing, not looking at girls on roads and not even on my phone. So journey so far is going smoothly. I believe if I do this for 21 days straight then my mind will automatically repel these kinds of thoughts so that’s my current goal.

Now about last night, I had a sexual dream that I was going to kiss a girl, before I did it I immediately woke up in panic so no harm done😅 self control’s even working in dreams.
But there’s also something else I’d like to share with you guys… So yesterday I was reading a topic on this forum in which a discussion about paranormal activities was engaged. I like to consume horror content so It was very interesting to read paranormal experiences from many people. So about last night before sleeping I was giving it a thought that if these things are real then what would happen if I encounter one such spirit and then I slept. Then around 4 am I woke up in panic from the sexual dream I mentioned earlier, then I drank some cold water and closed my eyes and laid down on my bed… Then I saw a evil looking smiling face standing at my door looking at me :neutral_face: (it looked like this :grin:) which seemed very creepy. I got scared and wore my classes to get a clearer vision only to realise that light was entering my room through my door in such a way that it looked like a face to me. So it was just an illusion because I read those paranormal experiences yesterday :expressionless::stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:
Then again I closed my eyes and few minutes later I saw a vision of me hanging dead outside my new house in which I’m going to shift soon this month. I woke up again and tried to clear my mind and it worked. Then finally I slept and had another vision, this time of my future. I saw that my parents were dead and I was remembering them and wishing to live those memories with them again. I woke up again in panic and realised it was just a dream and my parents were still alive(it was hard to believe for few minutes). This all for unexpected and random and I’m so confused that what went wrong why I had visions like this. Anyways, I’m not thinking about it too much but I had to write that down to get it out of my mind or otherwise I’d be thinking about that for another long time.

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Stop consuming Horror content :joy::joy::sweat_smile:… You know I also use to love to watch Horror content 3-4 months back . At that time, I was in severe depression state and ended up Relapsing everyday… Horror content gives you negative vibes , that is not good if you are on nofap … I stopped watching that and it helped me…

Or koi vlog nahi bana raha hai aajkal?:sweat_smile:

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Yeah bro, I don’t consume that much, I just read that topic as it appeared otherwise I don’t intentionally search for it.
nd about vlogging I’m glad you still remember that :sweat_smile: well I abandoned that channel. But I haven’t abandoned vlogging, once my life becomes more interesting I’ll definitely get back to it in a new format. :smiley:

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Wow, thanks bro. I just relapsed after 13 days yesterday and not yet stuck in the ‘strucker effect’
like before. This inspired me.

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2021-07-06T18:30:00Z
Ups and Downs are a major “PART” of life. If you’re feeling great one day, the other day you might not. You have to recognise those and deal with it as the situation demands. Stop overthinking, stop procastinating, just stop it.

I’m gonna share my deep thoughts in this diary for whoever might be interested, first one of those below. :arrow_down:

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Vicky’s Thought #1

Breakdown of Success

Successful people are hardworking, passionate, and always have an aim towards serving the people.
But I don’t think that’s the recipe of success, I’ll tell you why. Success is the end result of hardwork, and good intentions. Success is the trophy you win after countless hours of practice, dedication, perseverance, which are just few factors of the preparatory stage after which you come face to face with other people who have gone through it all and they also might have an edge over you. In this stage you make an effort to survive among people who are far better than you. If you make it through, you’ll face the real fight for glory and if you win after all that you’ve gone through the end result you will achieve is “Success”.
So you see the ultimate success is very very very hard to achieve, so how can one average person like you can even think of achieving it? Leave alone the thought of fighting back, Can you even bear the heat?
Yes you can, there is a way. And only one way. And that is to choose the right path for you.
Let me simplify, you are well aware that you’ve to work hard so choose the work you enjoy while you grind at it. If you work hard on something you may not enjoy as much then eventually you’ll not be able to give your best and somebody else who enjoys it will throw you out of the league. So choose your work wisely. And nothing is impossible, remember that.

Be prepared for grinding your ass off. And don’t be in the illusion that this grind will only last for a limited period of time and after that it’s all shiny shiny, No. The grind continues throughout your life, success will the the end result after each grinding and putting together everything you’ve achieved in each session and then the process continues again. So you see, continues success will require continues grind and alot of other factors and to be able to do that everytime you have to be in love with it otherwise it’s impossible. The success will fade away.

You need to have a interest for giving something to the society, remember what you give is what you get. Amazon was made to make shopping more convenient, Facebook was developed as a medium of connecting people virtually. They didn’t start as super hot business ideas bit their intention to serve the people made them what they are today. So serving the society should be the first priority.

To visualise the above three points I’ll pich an example of a sportsperson. A sportsperson loves to play and is passionate about a particular sport since an early age. They love improving their skills to be sble to perform better at game. And improving skills takes a lot of grinding so if they were not passionate about it will they bother to put so much efforts into it?
They’re motivated throughout the preping stages not by the aim of winning but by the thought that they’ll be able to play better and up their game to a new level. It only comes from their love of sports.
But that makes them successful? Not yet. Now they are at the stage where they can entertain other people with their game, people love sports and seeing sportsperson playing at such a godly level encourages them to idealize these players. This is where ultimate success is achieved. And the process has to be continued in order for the success to stay relevant. Now you can connect these points with the people you ideolize to know how much truth they hold. Everything is Possible :trophy:

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2021-07-12T18:30:00Z
Day - 0
I relapsed yesterday in the night was alone in my room. Didn’t watched p**n though, only M. I think I’ve managed to get my frequency from once a day to once a week. No urges to watch p*n, and only cause of masturbation is edging everytime. So now I’ll consider edging as relapse.
Disabled whatsapp, I don’t use any other social media platforms already so that’s out of the way.
Unsubscribed all the channels on yt now I’ll only open it for study purposes.
Next step is to develop a strategy.

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So just now I went on omegle for the very first time because I so was BORED as I uninstalled whatsapp and limited my yt to only study purposes. I wanted to talk to someone but none of my friends picked my call. That’s how it went:-

  1. I met two pakistani men, they asked me where I’m from and when I told them I’m from india they said, “bhen ka laura” and left :joy:
    What the heck dude, I tried to be nice with them, I thought we would set an example that we can come together and prove a point that both nations can live with love and peace. It was very funny though :joy:
  2. I saw 2 dicks straight up sticking to my face :expressionless::expressionless:
  3. I met an indian girl, she said, “you’re are specsy, I’m specsy and to be honest be both look sexy” :sunglasses: this made my day :joy:
  4. I left, never going back

The End

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Should have recorded all this and posted on YouTube :joy::joy::joy::joy:

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It was so random I think of it, but Omegle is full of content if someone is bored enough :joy::joy:

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Yeah, that site can definitely be messed up. That’s why I never go there. You never know what you’re going to get.

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2021-07-13T18:30:00Z
Day 2 :white_check_mark:
No urges
Didn’t caught up in chaser effect
No side effects that I normally get after a relapse. I’m healing. :heart:
It’s raining for two days now, the weather is pleasant. Positivity in the air. :rainbow:
Overall feeling great :innocent:

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