I joined this community 25 days ago with this post
This is my first & only effort & I’m off to a good start. 25 days & counting. I will recommend you to read my first post to know about me & why I’m doing the hard-mode in my first (& only) attempt. The journey so far has been smooth. I did had an urge or two but was able to withdraw them easily. I guess my previous experiences are coming in handy. Also, I have been doing meditation for ages so now it has almost become a habit to see things for what they truly are (underlying desire/reason) whenever they pop in my head.
Just wanted to leave a check mark on this journey of mine. This is not an achievement post because I don’t believe in goals when it comes to habits. It amazes me when I see people with streak over 100 & still saying “next goal x days”. A habit is a lifestyle. There are no deadlines or goals to be met. It has to be your identity. Saying I won’t smoke for two month still indicates that you are a smoker. You are better off saying I’m someones who doesn’t smoke. Setting yourself a ‘x’ day goal is great but will you have the motivation & will power to go on once you reach there? With goals you kind of give a hint to your mind that okay, you wait until that day & then you would’ve achieved something and then you can relapse. And more importantly, you still believe that you are that person who smokes/masturbates/etc. Trust me, I have seen people quitting smoking for over an year & relapsing. What was the point of that goal? Even after an year, the guy still believed that he is “quitting smoking.”
It’s hard to change your habits if you never change the underlying beliefs. Yes, you gave yourself a new goal but you haven’t changed who you are. The ultimate form of motivation is when a habit becomes part of your identity.
“I’m someone who doesn’t masturbate.”
It’s one thing to say I want this & something very different to say “I’m the type of person who is this”. When you associate something with your identity, you will fight for it. Whenever the urge comes you will say “This is not who I am.” There will be a internal pressure to maintain your self-image & esteem. You’ll find whatever way you can to avoid contradicting yourself. And then, the more your streak builds, the more your reinforce the identity you have acquired. It’s simple, the more evidence you have for something, the more strongly you will believe it.
I’ll be back in 25 days with another check-mark post. I hope this post was able to give some insight into how I roll. We are all different so try to figure out what works for you. I’m sorry, I’m not the most active member of this community. I avoid staying here because I don’t want this to become the new Facebook/Twitter/Instagram for ME. The community over here is fantastic. I don’t hang around much but however much I have done, people here are fantastic & so supportive.
I’m farely new to this endeavour & there are lots of experienced people over here if you are looking for guidence. However if you want any assistance, feel free to reach out. You can add me up as a companion. My sharing code is - shurme