Chapter 11
The Willpower Method
Reading Time: 15.5 minutes
Itโs an accepted fact in society that itโs very difficult to stop ๐๐๐๐. Books and forums advising you on how to stop usually start off by telling you how difficult it is. The truth is that itโs ridiculously easy. Itโs understandable to question that statement, but first just consider it. If your aim is running a mile in four minutes, thatโs difficult and youโll have to undergo years of hard training, and even then possibly being physically incapable.
However, all you have to do to stop ๐๐๐๐ is to not watch it and/or masturbate anymore. Nobody forces you to masturbate (apart from yourself) and unlike food or water, it isnโt needed for survival. So if you want to stop doing it, why should it be difficult? In fact, it isnโt. Itโs users who make it difficult for themselves through use of willpower or any method that forces the user to feel like theyโre making some sort of sacrifice. Letโs consider these methods.
We donโt decide to become users, we merely experiment with ๐๐๐๐ magazines or websites and because theyโre awful (thatโs right, awful), apart from our desired clip, weโre convinced that we can stop whenever we want to. At first, we watch those first few clips when we want to and on special occasions. Before we realise it, weโre not only visiting those sites regularly and masturbating when we want to โ weโre masturbating to them daily. ๐ฏ๐๐๐ has become a part of our lives, ensuring we require an internet connection wherever we go. We then believe weโre entitled to love, sex, orgasm and the stress-relieving properties of ๐๐๐๐. It doesnโt seem to occur to us that the same clip and actors donโt provide us with the same degree of arousal and we begin fighting against the red line to avoid โbad ๐๐๐๐โ. In fact, masturbation and internet ๐๐๐๐ neither improves our sex lives nor reduces stress, itโs merely that users believe they canโt enjoy life or handle stress without it.
It usually takes a long time to realise that weโre hooked because we suffer from the illusion that users watch ๐๐๐๐ because they enjoy it โ and not because they need to. When weโre not โenjoyingโ ๐๐๐๐ , which we can never do unless novelty, shock or escalation is added, weโre under the illusion we can stop whenever. This is a confidence trap. โI donโt enjoy ๐๐๐๐ , so I can stop when I want toโ. Only you never seem to โwantโ to stop.
Itโs usually not until we actually try to stop that we realise a problem exists. The first attempts are generally early โ triggered by meeting a partner and noticing they arenโt โquite enoughโ after the initial dates. Another common reason is noticing health effects present in daily life.
Regardless of reason, the user always waits for a stressful situation, whether health or sex. As soon as they stop, the little monster begins to get hungry. The user then wants something to pump their dopamine, such as cigarettes, alcohol, or their favourite โ internet ๐๐๐๐ โ with their harem only a click away. The ๐๐๐๐ cache is no longer in the basement, itโs virtual and accessible from anywhere. If their partner is around or theyโre with friends, they no longer have access to their virtual harem, making them even more distressed.
If the user has come across scientific material or online communities, theyโll be having a tug-of-war in their mind, resisting temptations and feeling deprived. Their way to usually relieve stress is now unavailable, suffering a triple blow. The probable result after this period of torture is compromise โ โIโll cut downโ or โIโve picked the wrong timeโ or perhaps, โIโll wait until the stress has gone from my life.โ However, once the stress has gone thereโs no reason to stop and the user doesnโt decide to quit again until the next stressful time.
Of course, thereโs never a right time because life for most people becomes more stressful. We leave the protection of our parents, entering the world of setting up home, taking on mortgages, having children and having more responsible jobs. Regardless โ the userโs life cannot become less stressful because ๐๐๐๐ actually causes stress. The quicker the user passes on to the escalation stage, the more distressed they become and the greater the illusion of dependency grows.
In fact, itโs an illusion that life becomes more stressful and ๐๐๐๐ โ or a similar crutch โ creates that illusion. This will be discussed in greater detail later, but after these initial failures the user usually relies on the possibility that one day theyโll wake up and just not want to masturbate or use ๐๐๐๐. This hope is usually kindled by stories heard from other ex-users, โI wasnโt serious until I had a fading penetration, then I didnโt want to use ๐๐๐๐ anymore and stopped masturbating.โ
Donโt kid yourself, probe these rumours and youโll discover theyโre never quite as simple as they appear. Usually the user has already been preparing to stop and merely used the incident as a springboard. More often in the case of people who stop โjust like that,โ theyโve suffered a shock: perhaps a discovery by their partner, a self-spotting incident of accessing ๐๐๐๐ not of their normal sexual orientation or theyโve had a sexual dysfunction scare themselves. โThatโs just the sort of person I am.โ Stop kidding yourself. It wonโt happen unless you make it happen.
Letโs consider in greater detail why the willpower method is so difficult. For most of our lives we adopt the head-in-the-sand, โIโll stop tomorrowโ approach. At odd times, something will trigger off an attempt to stop. It may be concerns about health, virility or a bout of self-analysis and realising we donโt actually enjoy it. Whatever the reason, we start to weigh up the pros and cons of ๐๐๐๐ . Sex is split into tantric (touch, smell, voice) and propagative (orgasm); this is one of the major keys in opening our mind, and without this important distinction, thereโll be confusion, which leads to failure. On rational assessment we find out what weโve known our entire lives, the conclusion is a thousand times over โSTOP WATCHING IT!โ
If you were to sit down and give points to the advantages of stopping and compare them to the advantages of ๐๐๐๐ , the total point count for stopping would far outweigh any โdisadvantagesโ. If you employ Pascalโs Wager, by quitting youโre losing almost nothing, with high chances of gains and higher chances of not losing. Although the user knows that theyโll be better off as a non-user, the belief theyโre making a sacrifice trips them up. Although an illusion, itโs powerful. They donโt know why, but the user has the belief that during the good and bad times of life, the sessions appear to help. Even before starting their attempt, societal brainwashing further reinforced by the brainwashing from their own addiction is then combined with the even more powerful brainwashing of how difficult it is to โgive upโ.
Users hear stories of those whoโve stopped for many months and still desperately crave it, or of disgruntled quitters, who, having stopped, spend the rest of their lives bemoaning the fact that theyโd love to have a session. There are tales of users stopping for many months or years, living happy lives, only to have one โpeekโ at ๐๐๐๐ and are suddenly hooked again. Users probably know several in the advanced stages of the disease, visibly destroying themselves and clearly not enjoying life โ yet continuing to use. Additionally, theyโve probably suffered one or more of those experiences themselves.
So instead of starting with the feeling, โGreat! Have you heard the news? I donโt need to watch ๐๐๐๐ any more!โ, they start instead with feelings of doom and gloom โ as if trying to climb Everest โ and they falsely determine that once the little monster has its hooks into you, youโre hooked for life. Many users start the attempt by apologising to their girlfriends or wives, โLook, Iโm trying to give up ๐๐๐๐. Iโll probably be irritable for the next couple of weeks, so try to bear with me.โ Most attempts are doomed before they begin.
Assume that the user survives a few days without a session. Theyโre getting back their arousal and are starting to recover. They havenโt opened their favourite tube sites and are consequently getting aroused by normal stimuli theyโd previously zoned out at. The reasons they decided to stop in the first place are rapidly disappearing from their thoughts, like seeing a bad road accident whilst driving. Itโll slow you down for a while, but you stomp your foot on the throttle the next time youโre late for an appointment.
On the other side of the war is the little monster who still hasnโt had its fix. Thereโs no physical pain โ if you had the same feeling because of a cold, you wouldnโt stop working or get depressed, youโd laugh it off. All the user knows is they want to visit their harem. The little monster knows this, and starts up the big brainwashing monster, causing the same person who was a few hours or days earlier listing all of the reasons to stop, to now desperately search for any excuse to start again. They begin saying things like:
- โLife is too short, a bomb could go off, I could step under a bus tomorrow. Iโve left it too late. They tell you everything gives you an addiction nowadays.โ
- โIโve picked the wrong time.โ
- โI should have waited until after Christmas, after my holidays/tests, after this stressful event in my life.โ
- โI canโt concentrate, Iโm getting irritable and bad-tempered, I canโt even do my job properly.โ
- โMy family and friends wonโt love me. Letโs face it, for everybodyโs sake I have to start again. Iโm a confirmed sex addict and thereโs no way Iโll ever be happy again without an orgasm.โ
- โNobody can survive without sex.โ (Brainwashed by well meaning people who donโt consider the distinction between the tantric and propagative parts of sex).
- โI knew this would happen, my brain is โsensitisedโ by DeltaFosB due to changes affected by dopamine surges because of my past excessive ๐๐๐๐ use. Sensitisation can โneverโ be removed from the brain.โ
At this stage, the user usually gives in. Firing up the browser, the schizophrenia increases. On one hand thereโs the tremendous relief of ending the craving as the little monster finally gets its fix; on the other hand, the orgasm is awful and the user cannot understand why theyโre doing it. This is why the user thinks they lack willpower. Itโs not in fact lack of willpower, all theyโve done is to change their mind and make a perfectly rational decision in light of the latest information.
โWhatโs the point of being healthy or rich if youโre miserable?โ
Absolutely none! Far better to have a shorter enjoyable life than a lengthy miserable one. Fortunately, this is untrue for the non-user, as life is infinitely more enjoyable. The misery the user is suffering isnโt due to withdrawal pangs โ though itโs initially triggered by them โ the actual agony is the tug-of-war in the mind caused by doubt and uncertainty. Because the user starts by feeling theyโre making a sacrifice, they then begin to feel deprived, which is a form of stress.
One of these stressful times is when the brain tells them to โhave a peekโ, wanting to backtrack as soon as they stop. But because theyโve stopped, they canโt and this makes them even more depressed and sets the trigger off again. Another factor making quitting so difficult is waiting for something to happen. If your objective is passing a driving test, as soon as youโve passed the test itโs certain whether youโve achieved your objective. Under the willpower method the internal narrative is โ โIf I can go long enough without internet ๐๐๐๐, the urge to watch it will eventually go.โ You can see this in practice in online forums where addicts talk about their streaks or days of abstinence.
As said above, the agony the user undergoes is mental and caused by uncertainty. Although thereโs no physical pain, it still has powerful effects. Now miserable and insecure, the user is far from forgetting, now full of doubts and fears.
- โHow long will the craving last?โ
- โWill I ever be happy again?โ
- โWill I ever want to get up in the morning?โ
- โHow will I ever cope with stress in future?โ
The user is waiting for things to improve but while theyโre still moping, the โharemโ is becoming ever more precious. In fact, something is happening but unconsciously, if they can survive weeks without opening the browser, the craving for the little monster disappears. However, as stated previously the pangs of withdrawal from dopamine and opioids are so mild that the user isnโt even aware of them. At this time, many users sense theyโve โkicked itโ and so take a peek to prove it, sending them back down the water slide. Having supplied dopamine to the body, thereโs now a little voice at the back of their mind saying โYou want another one.โ In fact, theyโd kicked it, but have hooked themselves again.
As a child you watched cartoons and as per neuroscience you formed neural pathways (DeltaFosB) for them. If you wanted to discourage a child from watching, youโd study if those pathways still existed and survey adults on why they donโt like to watch their favourite childhood cartoons anymore. For one, thereโs better entertainment available and secondly, the cartoons just donโt hold the magic anymore. With the willpower method youโre just denying the child the cartoon, but with EasyPeasy youโre also making sure they see no value in it. Which is better?
The user wonโt usually get into another session immediately, thinking โI donโt want to get hooked again!โ and allows a safe period of hours, days or even weeks to pass. The ex-user can then say, โWell, I didnโt get hooked, so I can safely have another session.โ Theyโve fallen back into the same trap as when they first started and are already on the slippery slope.
Users who succeed using the willpower method tend to find it long and difficult because the primary problem is the brainwashing. Long after the physical addiction has died, the user is still moping around, miserable. Eventually, after surviving this long term torture, it begins to dawn on them that they arenโt going to give in, stopping the moping and accepting that life goes on and is enjoyable without ๐๐๐๐. There are significantly more failures than successes, because some who succeed go through their lives in a vulnerable state, left with a certain amount of brainwashing telling them that ๐๐๐๐ does in fact give them a boost. This explains why many users whoโve stopped for long periods end up starting again later on.
Many ex-users will have the occasional session as a โspecial treatโ or to convince themselves how strong their self-control is. It does exactly that โ but as soon as their session ends the dopamine starts to leave and a little voice at the back of their mind begins driving them towards another one. If they decide to partake, it still seems to be under control, no shocks, escalation or novelty-seeking, so they say, โMarvellous! While Iโm not really enjoying it, I wonโt get hooked. After Christmas / this holiday / this trauma, Iโll stop.โ Little do they know that the water slides of their brain have been greased even more.
Too late, theyโre already hooked! The trap they managed to claw themselves out of has claimed its victim again.
As said previously, enjoyment doesnโt come into it. It never did! If we watched because of enjoyment, nobody would stay on the tube sites for longer than it takes to finish the deed. Regardless, a better way to self-pleasure is from memories. We assume we enjoy internet ๐๐๐๐ only because we canโt believe weโd be stupid enough to get addicted if we didnโt enjoy it. Most users donโt have any idea about supernormal stimulus, novelty or shock-seeking and even after reading about it, they donโt believe their use is motivated by evolutionary reward-circuit wiring. Thatโs why so much of ๐๐๐๐ is subconscious โ if you were aware of the neurological changes and had to justify it costing you money in the future, even the illusion of enjoyment would go.
When we try to block our minds to the bad side, we feel stupid. If we had to face it, that would be intolerable! If you watch a user in action, youโll see theyโre happy only when unaware theyโre using. Once aware, they tend to be uncomfortable and apologetic. ๐ฏ๐๐๐ feeds the little monster so upon purging it from your body along with the brainwashing (big monster), youโll have neither need nor desire to watch!