Greetings everyone, I am here to document my journey on quitting pornography and share it with everyone else here on this forum. I have come an understanding on how my addiction to pornography has damaged my relationship and formed many bad habits. I am turning to this forum as a means to quit and seek the guidance and help of others in this forum to have a greater understanding on the impacts of how damaging a porn addiction can really be and have some guidance along the way quitting. Thanks everyone and I hope to hear from you all.
Day 1, trying to pick up, didn’t feel like going to the gym but went to work, work was okay, just your typical nightfill job can’t really find anywhere else to work atm. Thought about conversations I’ve had with my girlfriend during my shift and felt really ashamed and inadequate. Ended the night with more conversation and I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror anymore, had urges to self harm myself but no urges to masturbate so I guess it’s a win.
Day 2, went to the gym hit a 5x5 of 100kg on bench overall workout didn’t feel good but I got it, went to work, pretty shitty shift but new Christmas shirts made up for it starting to feel urges when I’m not occupied like when I’m about to sleep, still a win.
Day 0, relapsed felt really shit and alone so I thought masturbating would make things better but it didn’t, it only made things worse.
Day 1, going to try and focus on other hobbies to keep me more occupied during the day. Just going to have to find a form of late night stress relief in case I have a bad shift. Played cod after work but I can’t have a chill game because it’s too competitive
Day 2, had an amazing day with the mrs, went to charcoal chicken and hung by my pool. I can understand the importance of keeping myself occupied. No urges at all.
Day 3, slept in, played some video games and went to the gym, typical day off haven’t really had any urges probably due to not stressing
Day 4, spent the day with the girlfriend, had an amazing brunch and just hang out, had some ice coffees, easy day
Day 5, felt like shit maybe I understand and that I have a fucked up sleep pattern but it’s pretty hard having a good sleep habit with a physical night job and late nights with the girlfriend. Tired through the day workout was half assed and work is starting to get fucked because of Christmas.
Day 6, feeling a bit better today even though I slept in. I just have to find a way to improve my habits but the tiredness is just there. Workout was pretty good but I’m not gonna have much of a rest till work so I know it’s gonna be shit. Ended day 6 feeling horrible work is being tight with hours and expecting quite a bit to be done, exhausted and hate my job, not an urge to masturbate but just started to get frustrating on what the fuck I’m doing with my life
Day 7, played some cod did a chest and squat workout, felt pretty good. Went to see the girlfriend and had some fish and chips. Watched some death note and worked on this huge puzzle. Ended the day pretty late but that’s a win
Woke up at 10:30 which is a little bit earlier than 12 but I’d rather try and aim for 9 depending if I work the night. I feel like it’s every second day I do something wrong, the urges aren’t really to wank anymore tho. It’s more frustrated and wanting to hit things. Skipped training just didn’t feel like it mentally, physically and was stressed on time. Hard work shift, did about 5 hours worth of work in 3.5 with a busy store full of customers and being told off after store close. Very shitty state of mind it’s not really urges but just pure anger. Just yelled at myself in frustration during the drive home and cried a bit, what a shitfest I wanted to be alone. Girlfrend called and we watched death note I was still extremely tempered but watching with her calmed me down. Win I guess
Day 0, relapsed physically exhausted, mentally tired and stressed, tried to play some video games after work but that didn’t help. Trying to work towards different fitness goals didn’t help because of so many fucking things, I’m so upset with myself and feel like a hopeless manchild. Don’t really see a reason to exist anymore, I’m just a burded to my parents and I can’t even keep a promise to my girlfriend
Day 1, Woke up at 6pm, that’s right what a fucking waste of a person i am. Went to the gym and his my lower back a little bit on the fourth set of 110x3. Don’t really want to return home and feel ashamed to even show my face anywhere. I guess an improvement from 3- 8 days is there but I feel like I’m just wasting my girlfriends time. I really don’t know what to do with myself at this point.
Day 2, spent the day with the girlfriend for her brothers birthday. Bought a cake from a little local pastiserie shop which turned out to be amazing. Nice wholesome day. Big win
Day 3, woke up pretty late had to rush a workout and head straight to work. Physically exhausted and mentally stressed because of the holiday season. Have to work because I’m broke but am really stressed for time and stressed in general from work. Trying to figure what I can get for Christmas presents and plan an upcoming holiday but it’s hard to take time off my job. Stress stress stress. No urges just stress.
Day 4-8. Apologies for no updates, hella stressed about plans for Christmas and holiday, how I’m going to afford things this that. Kinda took my mind off and forgot about the challenge completely. Little sex drive which kind of correlates to barely any urges. Maybe it’s because I’m just barely eating. I think trying to focus on other issues made time fly. Also played lots of video games because I haven’t been receiving any work. Idk my heads all over the place.
Day 9, life is beginning to feel pretty mundane. Stuck at home till work work, come home and just feel like a mess. Still kinda don’t know what to do with Christmas and planning a holiday everything is booked. Too stressed about this still so the urge is literally not there
Day 0 - stopped journaling because I relapsed multiple times and didn’t want to hold myself accountable even though I made multiple final promises to my gf. Bought a manual diary to start 2021 but still relapsed another 3 times+ when my gf was staying with me at my house and I still chose to watch porn over her. Will be tracking everything from now on