Tried for few months, I failed hard, I'm worst than before

[Rab_J]

Before no fap (4months ago) I got into trouble cause of it, everything was alright eventually. Then I decided to join no fap and worked for a month.

After that I went home spent 3 weeks were I spoke to none of them, just didn’t have time for me, we had something going everyone was busy and stressed,

After that I was behind in all materials, and was stressed cause of an exam, it went ok, things were getting harder and harder, and I was sad as always, and that week end I was left alone , so I couldn’t hold myself,
Afte that went back home for a month, there was sort of war going dragged us all down, and my education did get worst I’m behind … and I’m relapsing every 4-5 days.

Later I got back to chat rooms, soon enough dragged me back to porn , and here I am relapsing 3 per day, IDK if I can change, or be better

I was struggling with my sexuality (I’m gay or something) for 8-9 years , it took alot of my time and energy, so 4 months ago I decided I had enough of that pain, i decided to quit porn and sex for ever, don’t want to have any sexual desire, cause I would get depressed just for getting an erection, and so on after masturbation or porn felt even worst. After a month I was much better, still sometime sad. After that I relapsed every 4-5. after few weeks I felt Like that I didn’t want to be straight to feel better but just to feel better about doing sins and quiting sex and porn forever idea started fading. I still don’t like myself and it still causing me alot of pain. I was feeling so down, I eventually told my brother and my father that I’m gay?! , My father was super angry and against it, when I told my brother he was acceptive, I didn’t talk much about it with them, my father don’t want to talk about it and my brother sees there’s nothing to talk about, , , telling them released some strings, opened new aspects to think about , I still feel alone on this, cause if someone knew all my desires my problems and everything ,it’s too much to accept and support. I’m finally back to university, after 2 months of war and tention in the family, all alone. no one here knows I’m gay yet, I’m all alone , I turn to online chat to talk about it , and end up horny (I think u call it samping) I’m ashamed to talk to my companions cause I’m failing again and again and again, and I should act but I’m not, idk

The last few days was alot of porn and masturbation, I basically was alone in my room for long time, I know I’m in a very bad place, I don’t believe I can get out of this alone, any advice would be appreciated.

[Dean_Ambrose]

Well first of all , there is no shame to be Gay and your dad shouldn’t have scolded you… Just accept yourself and be proud of yourself…

As you told , you are most of the time alone in the room…
You should create a schedule and try everyday to follow it. I know it’s difficult to get of the depressed state and requires a lot of courage , but start following your schedule slowly …In the beginning it will be hell , but slowly - slowly you will become functional… Try doing digital detox , as this mobile is the reason for majority of problem… It’s tough but worth it even for a day only…

Cold showers are an Excellent source for stopping urges …
Do meditation and exercise everyday to give your brain the dopamine for which it has been craving…

You can read EASY-PEASY also for clear understanding of how this complicated puzzle of PMO works… .

[Rab_J]

Thanks alot man, I’ll write a schedule for tomorrow, I’ll try to cut my internet use for study only, cold shower and sport and else. Thanks

[keepFighting]

See this man doing bench press? He is exercising and strengthening his muscles. If he stopped, would you say that he is worse than before?
Of course not.

And neither are you. Any time spent fighting PMO is good for you, exercising your mind and body in a healthy way.

A friend once told me, if you go on a vacation, and you take a wrong turn on the drive, that doesn’t mean you have to start over. You made it a long ways.
And yes, you did lose some progress from a wrong turn, but you can still learn from it, so it wasn’t completely bad.

Don’t be too hard on yourself. It sounds like you are going through some really tough family situations. Keep trying! No effort is wasted.
And remember that there are a lot of people here supporting and encouraging you

[RewireRobot]

Others have already given support, but here’s my input.
It sounds like masturbation is addressing a need, possibly to cope with stress and loneliness.
As has been said, setting a schedule should help.
Changing your environment should help too, consider writing down your thoughts about masturbation and such to identify what causes it to happen. I find that addressing the underlying issues helps manage what is easily seen.

In short, reflect on what need masturbation is addressing and possibly write it down. Also reflect what in your environment is enabling your urges to consider ways to chamge them. Studying at the library or something may help until you can study at home without such strong urges.

Progress is progress and you only truly make mistakes if you don’t learn from them. You seem to be learning from them so keep it up.
I wish you luck with your family, it sounds rough.

[growth2021]

To not repeat anything that anyone else has said, see if you can make new friends (even if you don’t necessarily tell them you’re gay yet). I found that the friendlier I was with people, I was less often alone… Which means less time to think about masturbating. Even if people are mean to you and aren’t as friendly as you are to them, don’t give up, eventually you’ll meet likeable people who will love to spend time with you.