Before no fap (4months ago) I got into trouble cause of it, everything was alright eventually. Then I decided to join no fap and worked for a month.
After that I went home spent 3 weeks were I spoke to none of them, just didn’t have time for me, we had something going everyone was busy and stressed,
After that I was behind in all materials, and was stressed cause of an exam, it went ok, things were getting harder and harder, and I was sad as always, and that week end I was left alone , so I couldn’t hold myself,
Afte that went back home for a month, there was sort of war going dragged us all down, and my education did get worst I’m behind … and I’m relapsing every 4-5 days.
Later I got back to chat rooms, soon enough dragged me back to porn , and here I am relapsing 3 per day, IDK if I can change, or be better
I was struggling with my sexuality (I’m gay or something) for 8-9 years , it took alot of my time and energy, so 4 months ago I decided I had enough of that pain, i decided to quit porn and sex for ever, don’t want to have any sexual desire, cause I would get depressed just for getting an erection, and so on after masturbation or porn felt even worst. After a month I was much better, still sometime sad. After that I relapsed every 4-5. after few weeks I felt Like that I didn’t want to be straight to feel better but just to feel better about doing sins and quiting sex and porn forever idea started fading. I still don’t like myself and it still causing me alot of pain. I was feeling so down, I eventually told my brother and my father that I’m gay?! , My father was super angry and against it, when I told my brother he was acceptive, I didn’t talk much about it with them, my father don’t want to talk about it and my brother sees there’s nothing to talk about, , , telling them released some strings, opened new aspects to think about , I still feel alone on this, cause if someone knew all my desires my problems and everything ,it’s too much to accept and support. I’m finally back to university, after 2 months of war and tention in the family, all alone. no one here knows I’m gay yet, I’m all alone , I turn to online chat to talk about it , and end up horny (I think u call it samping) I’m ashamed to talk to my companions cause I’m failing again and again and again, and I should act but I’m not, idk
The last few days was alot of porn and masturbation, I basically was alone in my room for long time, I know I’m in a very bad place, I don’t believe I can get out of this alone, any advice would be appreciated.