To cuddle or not to cuddle, that is the question

Today we had a discussion in the german nofap group which I thought worth to mention here in the forum for everyone.
It was about the topic, which things you should or shouldn’t do with your partner to improve your nofap journey.
Here some thoughts - I write them from my perspective and how I feel about it - (feel free to comment)

Question: Shall I cuddle / kiss / have sex with my partner

What does porn tell us about relationships? It is important to have hard sex, which leads to an orgasm and finish. We shouldn’t care about love, about caressing or things like that because they don’t matter. You have sex because you are horny or because you are in the bed or just because you see your girlfriend bending over to grab something from the floor. Basically every primitive thought is a good enough reason for sex

What is a real relationship like? It’s all about love, about feeling together, supporting each other about small signs of love and small caresses every day, throughout the day. If sex is one part of it, that’s okay, if there is an orgasm, that is okay too but it is not needed. You don’t need to have sex to show that you love your partner, or to make your partner feel good.

These are two completely different views and I think it explains which things are okay to do while on nofap and which aren’t. Is it okay to bang your girl because she is in the shower? No. Is it okay to have sex even though you are too tired for it? No.

My goal with nofap is to change my mind from the porn view to the real view! That means that I wanna do things that support the real view and don’t do things which support the porn view. sometimes it is very hard to distinguish between the two but I think it is important to learn that.
I don’t think the solution is to just not touch your partner. The same as I’m no fan of avoiding all triggers which lead to porn. We have to re-learn what is right and what is wrong by doing what is right and not doing what is wrong

Let me know your thoughts


Yes you should!

Orgasms work just like a conditioning method. If you just restrain from watching porn you will still be longing for it. Your body will still think that is “your thing to get off too”…

As far as Sex as a part of a relationship is concerned I think it is an essential part. We as NoFappers might have a different attitude towards it(since we are all about healing ourself and rewiring) but our partners probably won’t. Sex plays a big role for everybody.
So I have to disagree on this one. I think restraining from Sex in a relationship is also rather selfish.