This is what that drives me to keep going!

Confession
#1

Day 137

Today, I deleted around 150 contact numbers of all the women I met throughout my journey. Some I met online, some in real, some I hooked up with, some I did some errotic chats with, but all of them I have chased at some point of the time. I needed to do it because to move forward, I have to let go of the past. I remembered histories with some of them, both the good and the bad, and its pretty emotional.

A month ago, I had deleted most of the women in my social media, deleted all my social accounts dedicated to finding or chasing women, or chasing hookups, also that was one of the hardest thing I did.

I still have a lot of pictures I need to delete, I just cant find it in my heart to just do it. Pictures are with the ones I loved so, although its past, I still do care and those are memories that I made throughout my journey. But before I move on to the next phase of my life, which is job and marriage, I will find the courage to let go of those too.

You have to know guys, thats all I did for the past 9 years. Chasing woman after woman… I am good at flirting so, I do get whomever I want to be with… Sometimes I used to be so overwhelmed with the number of girls I am talking with, I used to let go of the ones that are least in my priority order. Sometimes when I am too much overwhelmed, I just stop things with everyone, like everyone and I restart chasing the new ones. If my life was a movie, all it would be is chasing women, porn, cigs and another addition, sex and romance… So, being how I am now, without any of those, feels different. Like a different person. Sometimes, I want to run backwards to being how I used to be, because thats my normal zone. But then, I am happier now, than before. Which motivates me to keep being the way I am now…

Hence, I needed to stop things with all the girls, spend a year or two by myself, be self sufficient, delete that last addiction that is PMO, study and get a job, then be ready for my future partner. By the time that happens, I want to give whole of me to her, I dont want to have any affiliation with my past. I want to be a changed person. Not the person thats after women. And I didn’t want my future partner to be just another of all the ones I have been with. She deserves better. I want to let go of each and everything of my past, accept it, and move on to a better future.

And that my friends, is what motivates me every single day to keep this nofap streak going. Because this nofap is the last and final hurdle I need to cross to be the person I want to be… No, 200 days is not going to be enough, not a 1000 days even. I will keep going, whatever it takes… (Except, when or if I get blueballs, its pretty hard to deal with the pain, or I will meet a doctor and sort it out)

10 Likes
#2

@JonSnow001 you are awesome…but you did some mistakes in your past due to bad friends…now you are taking perfect decision…

inspiration

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#3

You are a great inspiration bro!!!

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#4

Bro, you are talking like you have been thinking and doing things that noone else does. Not sure about the “doing” part, but I am pretty sure that the vast majority of users on this forum (including me) have been thinking/ had thoughts like you. Only difference is that very few are good at it, so congratulate yourself because you atleast have a skill and you are very good at it (doesn’t mean I’m appreciating your infidelity and chasing any woman without purpose, just the skills of approaching, talking to and get along with women). You probably won’t believe me, but one thing thats coming in very handy for you in your fight against PMO is your past experiences which you had in real life by yourself. That does help your subconscious brain in understanding the futility of all of this and keeps you from relapses. A great man had once said that 10 years from now when you’ll see yourself, you’ll never regret the things you did, no matter how bad, but you will regret the things you did not do. Life is a journey, it continues to teach you everyday. You are going on very well and that’s what matters. Just don’t overwhelm yourself again.

#5

Feels like you misunderstood me bro. I am showing the difference here, before and after nofap. Before I used to all that, and after nofap, I wanted to stop all that, because there’s no point in doing all that, because that wont take us anywhere. I dont mean to build me up or put others down, if that’s what you are thinking, in my way, I am trying to explain the benefits of nofap once you reach that 100 days stage. All of what I have said, is after nofap. Except quitting cigs and another addiction. For anyone that is new here, or has or had issues like me, been through what I have been through, I am trying to tell that it can be done. Things can change. Ofcourse many had it worse and many have changed things, and I do see a lot of videos to learn bits and pieces from others thats been through whatever I have been through. And most of the things I share here, are those ones that has helped me, which I took from others.

Where ever you thought that I am trying to play a unique game, probably when I explained, about chasing more and more women, where you mentioned “skills of approaching”, there’s no skill, just talked with too many people to figure out the layout, which itself is so so wrong… through telling all that, I am trying to show how it all started, how it went and how it ended and how it’s ongoing. And again, all that started with nofap, which is my whole point.

In my previous post, where you have Commented, regarding the self talk, it’s all Started after nofap too, that is after my brainfog went away, so it gave me another way to build my thoughts, so all I share here, is not really about me. Its about finding that one person to whom what I share can help, who can associate with me in someway of his/her life, and know that things can change. All he/she has to do is keep doing this NO PMO, build good habits, loose the ones thats bad, and just keep going and look ahead and not backwards. That is my only motto. A few people helped me here after my 30th day I think, I sure would have relapsed if not for the people here. So I try to share whenever I could, to tell them how its going. There’s no agenda.

Also yes, I did regret for a while, when I was going through anxiety phase, but then I stopped regretting. Done wrong things, understood they were wrong the hard way, tried to change things and still changing, also this process taught me a lot of things… I realized things the hard way, hence my posts, or my sharings, so that people will figure out before things turn to worse. Because it’s so hard to find yourself after, which takes a lot of self confidence. That is my another view. Look at all my posts, and you see the same message repeated over and over.

Also when I said, the last word, that is what motivates me, I shared a story till then, and told the readers what motivated me to cross 136 days, so indirectly I am telling them to find their own motivation, like how I did. Because without the right motivation, we all tend to relapse a week or two into this no pmo.

Peace :v:

3 Likes
#6

Motivation keeps us going.

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#7

I see bro. I felt that you are still grieving over your past actions, so that was why I wrote that you didn’t do anything that horrible and you shouldn’t grief over it anymore. And yeah, I did get that you were talking about how nofap has changed your way of thinking , that was why I said that life teaches so many things everyday. As others have already mentioned here, you are always very inspirational bro.
Take care.

1 Like
#8

Inspiration is a big word for me bro. I dont think of it that way, I still have a long way to go, I am just trying to return what this community has given me. So do, most of you guys, many even more, also you included.

No bro, definitely not grieving over my past life, its normal, everyone goes through that. Its my individual choice to be out of it. Also its the right time for me to be out, as I am 28 now, have to settle down. If I am 21 years old, things would be different. Also without mistakes, how are we ever gonna learn? I do have lots of positives about myself which I love, so I would never judge myself on past history, also they taught me so many things, so i wont change anything.

Yes true, life does teach. But thanks. Good luck on your journey.

2 Likes
#9

@JonSnow001

I must admit you are inspiration for me. I am in similar age as you are (bit older) and also thinking about same things, like settle down, be myself and be responsible for my choices coz there is noone else whou you could possibly blaim. Ofcourse had different past, way different TBH, but I am trying to beat this and in same time find my direction.

Thanks for “returning what was given to this comunity” as I can assure you it has impact :slight_smile:

1 Like
#10

Thank you bro @koaxicek