I’m starting this on day 20 of my current streak, this will be my last streak because I’m never relapsing again. I’m 26 years old, turning 27 this summer. I’ve been very bad socially for a very long time, never until recently did I connect my anxieties to porn usage, which I started using at the age of 11. I don’t use social media, and until recently barely had any capability to initiate talk to strangers, or control my emotions under any stress for that matter. NoFap is truly an amazing thing, I’ve been at this for over a year now, with my longest streak being 68 days, and I’ve never been able to be so consistent at work, so sharp mentally, and able to brush off unimportant nuisances with ease.
The thing is though, something inside of me has had trouble letting go of porn, even though I know it doesn’t do me any good. So, 20 days ago, I relapse again. I barely made it 2 days that time and I was so mad. I was mad at myself for not having control, and for turning my back on the Lord with my behavior. I knew I needed help, anger is a powerful emotion, but it always dies away so I would need something stronger than it, a determination, and I had to take steps to prove to my deeper less conscious functions that this is serious. So, I downloaded BlockerX and found another community similar to this one but with the added feature of blocking porn content, and on that community someone shared a resource that I’ve found invaluable, easypeasymethod.org.
I read the whole book and truly think God put that in front of me to help me with some things I was thinking about in a self defeating way. Now, I decided to start keeping a journal here to keep myself accountable and focused on my goals. So, I’ll be posting updates here nightly. Maybe only every couple nights sometimes, depending on what I actually feel like writing about, I don’t want to monologue too much but I think it’ll help me stay focused on my goal for the time being.
God bless, have a good night.