TheMonk1 - Hard Mode - Final journey to complete freedom

Diary
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Dear brothers and sisters,

I want to be FREE, I want to put down the burden of suffering that this addiction causes me.
I will not give up until I am totally free of these addictions - 1000 days streak.

Support me at this journey
My sharing code: 2ov27i

What is Super Hard Mode?

No PMO. Completely. No peeking, no touching, no fantasies, no orgasm, no sexual relationship with a woman.

Some background:

I am 45+ years old. From a young age I do self development and try to become a better person. Age does not matter for me. I continue to improve myself, until I reach full happiness in this life or in the next lives. I do meditation for my Mind and different physical systems for my body - healty eating, yoga, chi-kong, martial arts.

I have built a successful online business and doing well financially. I led a life of digital nomad, traveling to more than 60 countries, sometimes living for weeks and months in a single country. Now I have settled in the country that I think is the best for my lifestyle, after all the places I have seen.

I had many relationships with women before, but for the last 2 years I don’t have a girlfriend, because I don’t want one. I don’t need romantic relationship with a woman in order to be happy . But it is my mindset , that I have reached due to my experience, it could be not good for you.

September 2020 I have realized that I have 2 addictions for many many years.

  1. I have PMO addiction that tracks back to the age of 10-11 years old. So, it’s more than 30 years now. It’s on and off over the years, but until now it’s always comes back in this form or other. I can fap or have one night stand or invite a prostitute or just have a relationship for sex purpose.

  2. I have a digital screen addiction. I am using internet almost since it’s inception in 1996 and use smartphone starting from the first iPhone. I can read/view digital garbage for hours - social media, news websites, netflix, financial sites etc. This is digital garbage.
    It brings nothing to my life, only pollutes my Mind.

These 2 addictions are connected, no doubt about it.

To be happy in this life I must quit these addictions. I won over some addictions before, but these 2 are very hard to quit. They accompany me almost all my adult life.

This my Super hard mode

I define relapse as follows:

PMO - viewing porno, fap, orgasm, sex fantasies, contacting women for a sake of sexual meeting.

I must quit this beast. I have no other choice. If I fail, I go and try again. My longest streak before this app for noPMO was 50 days. Now I am already on 70+ days streak.

My dear brothers and sisters - we all deserve to reach our full potential and be happy in this life.

May all of us to have strength and determination to get rid of this addiction once and for all.

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Day 3. It feels good already, but I am no fool. I know the urge will come.

When the urge comes - I will be ready. I train mindfulness all day long. I observe my body, feelings, mind and thoughts. I let go unwholesome thoughts.

My brothers and sisters - we prepare ourselves for THIS MOMENT. Train our mind every day.

And when THIS MOMENT comes, we do not relapse!

May all of us be strong and win our life back!

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@Themonk1 Fight till you win. Never settle. Never compromise to the quality of life you deserve.

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The flight is good. My small goal is 20 days. Let’s see if I get there.

I will tell you about one bad habit I could root out.

Several years ago I had anger explosions. I was not an angry person, but sometimes I could feel a lot of anger towards someone and then I could loose my temper and start shouting or talk very emotional towards that person.

It could be a moment when some colleague at work was lazy, not doing his duties, and when I talk to him, I understand that he is just lazy and makes excuse for not doing his job. I became angry. After that I feel very bad about myself.
I could be angry at my family, at people who are dear to me.

It is a bad mental habit. I had it for more than 20 years.

Now I am clean of anger explosions. I didn’t have one for almost 2 years now. I control my anger nowadays.

It means I can do it. I can get rid of many years bad habits.

My brothers and sisters. WE ALL CAN DO IT! Believe in yourself always.

May all of us be strong to be clean in this life!

My code is 2ov27i. Add me and help me to be accountable.

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Life is great. I started to get up early again, at 5:30 am.
After that I train my body (Yoga or ChiKong), then I train my mind (Meditation)
And my day flow perfectly. I am very happy.

One practice during the day that helps me to resist sex triggers is called “Guard your senses”.

Today, on the street , I noticed a woman with short skirt. The moment I saw it, I have stopped looking at that direction. Not that it’s a big danger, but because this sexy image will pollute my mind and can pop later. I guard my eyes - not to look at any sexual image.

Today, I have talked to a friend and he brought up a funny topic about prostitutes. I had to say something, but I tried to quit this topic as fast as possible. I showed him I don’t want to talk about it. I guard my ears.

Small things, but I have to do it very day, it’s training, to keep my life clean forever.

I wish Everyone here to be strong and never give up!

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Just to remind you guys, my goal is to get rid permanently of 2 addictions:

  1. PMO addiction that tracks back to the age of 10-11 years old. So, it’s more than 30 years now. It’s on and off over the years, but until now it’s always comes back in this form or other. I can fap or have one night stand or invite a prostitute or just have a relationship for sex purpose.

  2. Digital screen addiction. I am using internet almost since it’s inception in 1996 and use smartphone starting from the first iPhone. I can read/view digital garbage for hours - social media, news websites, netflix, financial sites etc. The same goes for mobile apps as well.
    It brings nothing to my life, only pollutes my Mind.

Meantime, everything is good. No big dangers on the horizon.

Today, I catch myself trying to browse forbidden sites (2nd addiction). I didn’t enter password and didn’t relapse, but the urge was there and unless I have the blocking app, I would browse some blogs. 99% of people today even don’t notice this URGE. They just go and browse websites or use applications that are total waste of time.

It happens after I have some kind of suffering or Dukha in Buddhism. After we have some sort of suffering , we want to get rid of this suffering and then we try to browse some website will do some kind of enjoyment for us - release dopamine. This is how it works.

So, I deal with it the following:

I realize suffering, for example: I catch the thought or mental image that makes me feel bad now, and then I make a mental effort to release them. I also try to get to the cause of these bad images or thoughts and root our this cause, so they will not come again.
Usually, I have to do it several times, before these bad thoughts go away for a long time. That’s the practice I do.

Anyway, wish everyone here to have a good day! When we get these beast addictions out, FREEDOM will descend on us!

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Today is not easy, but I have to keep going.

I had anger feelings for my former partners for the last 2 hours. They don’t keep agreements, behave bad in business. I was browsing their websites. Though these websites are not in the forbidden list, today I was not supposed to do it. I was supposed to work productively.

So, now I feel some guilt. What I usually do in this case ? I do Metta - Loving Friendless to myself and forgive myself. After that I continue to mindfully observe my body, feelings, mind and thoughts. I go on with my day in the good mood.

I keep up my streak today, no matter what! No PMO and No viewing garbage online content. It’s day 8. My goal is to get to 100 days first. Then I go to 1000 days. I am here for a long run brothers :wink:

My code is 2ov27i. Follow me to help me on this journey.

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10 days in Super Hard Mode completed.

I didn’t PMO, didn’t even peek forbidden websites. Next goal is 50 days!

Today I got some bad news and observed myself having fears coming up and angry feelings towards people who are the cause of these bad news. It is very important to be mindful of these negative feelings. I did Anatta meditation practice and now I am very good. Continue working productively.

I continue practice Anatta mindful meditation throughout the day and I stay productive and happy, despite this negativity.

I wish everyone here to succeed in attainment his goals!

Be diligent my brothers and sisters!

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12 days in Super Hard Mode.

Today is a difficult day. Let me explain you why.

Today I have problems at my work It’s mostly things that don’t work as I expected, people not doing their jobs right, people who lie and deceive you. In business, as in real life, these things happen quite often.

So, this is what happens. I have someone doing a bad job, I have anger in me about this person, anger is suffering (in Buddhism they call it Dukha). Because, I suffer I want to remove this suffering from me , how to remove suffering ?

Right! Go to addiction. To dopamine reward!

So, today, I catch myself trying to browse News websites. News websites are forbidden, because online News is digital garbage. It’s like junk food for our mind. This is my 2nd addiction. I have to keep away.

I am not a consumer of Digital Online Garbage!

I do short 1min Anatta meditation on the cause and the cause is angry feeling in me. After Anatta meditation the anger disappears and also I reduce the chance it will raise again.

This is my way of dealing in cold blood with these addictions.

My brothers and sisters, May all of you get rid of these beasts ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!

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