The Wind Waker's Journal

Rebooting…
Rebooting consists on healing your body, brain and spirit from PMO. Rebooting is not a challenge, it’s a path to freedom.

Here I’ll track my progress. The objective is to recognise when I’m improving and when I’m not. By doing so, I hope I can achieve my goal. I want to break free!


_______________ INTERESTING INFO _______________

-90 days of action!: 90 day workout program to get fit.

-Prevent and fight. Forerunner’s method: How to prevent the urges and fight them if needed.

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_______________ RELAPSES TRACKER ______________


Here I will track my relapses


PMO: 2
[01/05/2020]
[03/05/2020]
PM:
P:
MO: 1
[16/05/2020] Was this one voluntary?..
M:

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_____________ NIGHT FALLS TRACKER _____________


Here I will track my wet dreams


_____________________ 2020 _______________________

MAY:
[08] - (5 days streak) Wet dream with relapse related dreams. Sleept face down.
[16] - (12 days streak go back to 0) “Involuntary?” Wet dream with hand stimulation.
[18] - (2 days streak) Sleeping on stomach. I was trying not to, but inconveniently turned down.
[19]- (3 days streak) Fapping related dreams. Goddamit!

NIGHT FALL______________________________[08/05/2020]


5 days on streak
I had a night fall today. It happened 1 or 2 hours before 08:00. I’m waking up at this hour almost everyday. I was sleeping face down, it may have some correlation with it, but it wasn’t the main reason. I was very tired the former day. I also had some back pain. My body is used to my relapses after stress (phisical or psychological).

About the dream, it was about me relapsing on my fu**ing bathroom as I usually do. WTF, I must be very sick. C’mon I can also remember that I was watching P on the dream. This means by the moment I didn’t made any improvement (it’s been only 5 days so I think its normal).

Now more than ever I have to stay focused. Urges may catch me slippin’ up. My testosterone levels gone all the way down again, so my determination may go down. Today I’ll read as many reboot articles as I can.

Some changes I need to make:
-Mustn’t sleep face down.
-Doing some intense sport to relief stress.

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I would try that out for a few nights too. I’ve only ever had nightfalls while sleeping on my stomach, if I recall correctly…

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Thanks for the read. It makes me feel that I’m not fighting alone. I would like to add something to the former post. Probably videogames had an important role on my night fall. They over stimulate my brain and make me to loss focus, if that wasn’t enough, playing them makes me to not sleep. They also (as anyhting nowadays) are explicitly s**ualized. So…
-Avoid videogames. They destroy my focus.
-No videogames passed 6 o’clock.
-No explicit videogames (super mario it’s ok)
-No competitive videogames (they piss me off)

Slowly I’ll decrease my videogames use.

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[08/05/2020]__________________________Streak: 005 Days


I’ve decided that I will resume my day, daily. Every day between 7 and 8 I’ll stop and look at what I did okay and what I didn’t. After that no more mobile phone will be allowed.


As I wrote earlier, I had a wet dream this former night. I tried to fix what may be causing my night falls (stress, videogames and sleep on stomach). I said to me not to abuse gaming, but I did, so now I’m really phisically stressed and unfocused. I’ll try not to sleep on my stomach today, but with all this stress, Idk how I’m goong to sleep, I have a hard time trying to sleep in other position.

About sport… I had some pain on the knee but I’m getting better. After writing this I’m going for a walk, is the most intense activity I’m doing on this quarantine. When I recover from this night fall I’ll start the 90 of activity challenge some1 posted on the forum.

I’m also setting some “screen free” hours:
-Not phone while eating
-No phone on bathroom (very powerfull triger)
-No phone late 8 p.m. and before 9:30 a.m.

About social media:
-I dont “surf” anymore, I only do specific searches so I can’t get triggered

I hope I can overcome this zombie mode, it sucks.

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[09/05/2020]__________________________Streak: 006 Days


Today I woke up at 8:30, I was feeling very low. No energy, no hunger. I decided to go for a walk after drinking some juice. It was nice, fresh air, birds and all cool stuff, but I couldn’t apreciate it. I was (and I still) totally exausted, because my recently night fall and also because I’m not letting my body recover as needed.
Today I broke again my less games resolution, also my no phone on meals and after 8 p.m… All said, I’m not going to give it much importance. My determination is way decreased because my recent wet dream, and we all know that a sense of boring leads to relapse. I trying to be as busy as possible. I know it’s not on a healthy way, but my night fall symptoms will go away, then I’ll focus on exercise.
About urges and triggers: I’m handling my urges very well. I cut my triggering thoughts on sec 1 more or less. I don’t want them to become bigger and harder to eliminate.
(This might be triggering)
Today I noticed how hyper-sexualized is everything right now. I know, I posted a message trying to prevent brothers to find the p*rngraphic announcements on youtube, but today was diferent. On the public TV of my country… They were fucking filming some girls on bikini posing on some fcking stage doing shit. Cmon, kids watch public TV shows, wtf is next?

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Phone use addiction is just like PMO. It cannot be undone in one single day. Remember that.

Decrease the use of phone and video games day by day.

Take my example.
I play pubg a lot. For the past 2 weeks I’ve not studied a single thing. I was just busy completing missions and achievements on the game. (They dont just let us leave the game)

So i decided.
I took 2-3 achievements within the game and decided them to complete them before the in-game season ends which is on 13th May.
Last night i just completed all those achievements. And today since the morning.im relaxed i haven’t touched that game. And i have decided. On 13th May, that is going to be the last day of me playing pubg. I’ll collect the season rewards and then booom…uninstall !

If this correlates with you , then you can try it.

We should end each and every addiction day by day. A sudden stoppage of the source of addiction will lead to depression and relapses. Yes game relapses…they are also dangerous like fap relapses

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https://youtu.be/9QiE-M1LrZk

Watch this detox video. I got a lot of help from this

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Thx @strongwillpower, videogame an phone addiction are a problem too. I have oriented this on a wrong way. My phone and games rules should be goals rather than rules. But by the moment I’m focusing all my energy on learning about reboot. Quiting excesive games is a part of it sooo… Today I’m starting to do some sport. I’ll train my strength because my knees aren’t strong enough to run now. My chiropractor said I can start doing sit-ups. I thought I would follow this 90 days activity program, do you do sport? I would like how you do it if so, I’ll find inspiration on it!

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Well when i was in school i used to run… i took part in school anual sports days and would win them in athletics.
Then PMO rolled in my life and i fcked up my skills. Now im in college and i one day went for running and i couldn’t run more than 2 rounds of 200 mtrs.
Twice after running i vomited.
That moment i felt very bad cuz that was my most loved skill (running) and i fcked that up😔

Well nothing can change that now. Now its not the time to take part in sports events. But after few years im going to same lives. And now i dont want to fck up that skill also. I hope im on the right track now.

Damn i have never opened up myself so much. I feel much better writing over here. I hope I’ll get out of PMO this time.

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Quick note: I’ve been having lots of sexual dreams and fantasies. I’m killing fantasies on second 1 almost everytime, but the thing doesn’t work the same for dreams. Idk how to control them…

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Dreams are our sub conscious mind buddy. We can never control them. But we can handle what we can see in our dreams.
Dreams are the sub conscious parts of our day’s thinking. What we see or think during day, we tend to see them in our dreams.
From today watch good things. Read good things. You can indulge yourself in prayers for a longer duration (if you believe in them). Meditate.
Do good things.
It will take time.eventually these dreams will decrease.

And for a deep sleep, you have to do a lot of things during the day so that you get soo exhausted at night that you dont have energy to get stuck into thinking before sleeping. Such sleeps are dreamless.

And whatever you see in dreams, why do you have to rethink what you saw and end up fapping?
Brother, it will take time. Dont give up. Dont loose hope. Dont doubt

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[10/05/2020]__________________________Streak: 007 Days


So here we first week. I’m still not following any of my not to do rules, so I’m going to orientate it differently. I’ll primary focus on doing good things rather than not doing bad ones. At least I’m not surfing the internet where a trigger may suddenly appear.

I want to form the habit of exercising 6-7 days a week. I’ll do 3 days a week with rest between them of strength. A full body routine. Rest days I will stretch.
Tomorrow I’ll do the basic full body excersices like squats, push-ups and planks to see were I start from. Idk how this 60+ days of lockdown have injuried my body.

Good things I’m doing:
-Cut fantasies in sec 1
-Good urge management
-Daily body cleaning, I’m becoming a clean guy again xD
-Sleeping before 11, waking up before 9
-Daily diary, reboot study and contribution to the Rewire community

My energy is comming back. My mind isn’t as sharp as it shoul be, but is fast. I will keep improving.

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Keep it up brother :muscle:

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Urges:
I’ll try to write when I’m having urges
Today I went for a walk as usual, but fantasies aren’t letting me alone. Yes, I cut them on sec , but they are intensifying. I’m going to hear to soaring eagle, it’ll fill my determination!

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[11/05/2020]__________________________Streak: 008 Days


This morning I had lots of urges. They weren’t more than annoying, I could control them easily. Urges come and go away, they are not what really affect me. Habits is what do. I’m actually not PMOing. This is an important step, but I’m not really improving. This is because I have other ways to recieve fake dopamine.
My first one is video games, my second one is the phone.

The former days I thought I could keep my other forms of indulgences, but far from the truth. Today (as usual), after lunch I started playing my videogames. At first all felt okay, but suddenly I got some pain on the eyes and they started crying, so after that my focus went off. I felt like I was way worse thay I ussualy was on the game. I couldn’t think! I kept playing for like 30 mins more, but I wasn’t really enjoying.

Also, today I failed on my training goal. Procastinating and phone is my other way of getting fake dopamine. If I do not cut this indulgences, I won’t be able to recover. Rebooting won’t be effective. As Soaring Eagle said, rebooting by itself is not enough, I have to cultivate my health.

I’m loosing weight due to stress that games produce to me, and low qualitu sleeping. I’m also eating less due to my low hunger. My eyes have like a black circle arround them. I have to make a change. Of course I’m not thinking about relapse, it is not an option. But the way I’m behaving now, is not helping me.

So I’m stopping now here and thinking about what PMO and my other addictions give to me, so maybe I can set a correlation:

PMOing gives me:
-A dopamine rush (of course).
-Stress relief. Phisical and psychological.
-Sense of acomplishment due to thinking I’m fertilizing docens of womans. Like a feeling of socialising, or getting socialy accepted.
-Way to eacape to being bored.
-Managing emotions.

So I see a correlation with games… As I improve I got rewarded (videogames are so popular because their well organised rewarding sistems) and I feel like an acomplishment. They also give me a dopamine rush, and entertain me when bored. They (first minutes) relax me and relief me from my stress, but as I keep playing I start to get angry and stressed. Phone is more about socialising and not getting bored. Both of them also give me a dopamine rush.

So what I have is a problem on my own subconscious. I need to find healthy ways to get over this “needs”. First of all is setting my limitations and following them. I’ll be allowed to play videogames only on weekends. I’ll take this as a reboot itself. 5 days nogame challenge or whatever. About phone, I have to use it to study about rebooting, so I’m setting an use schedule.

I have the bad habit of playing videogames after eating. I also procrastinate all morning and postpone my work till 12 or 13 a.m… So what I’m going to do is to use phone two times a day for rebooting related activities:

-After lunch I’ll sit somewhere to relax and digest my food. I will hear Soaring Eagle’s podcasts (or related) not more than 30 min.
-Between 19:00 and 20:00 I’ll read the forum, ask and answer questions and help my companions. I will also write my diary.
-No fucking phone on bathroom, it’ll lead me to relapse im the future.
-About other phone usage. I’ll be able to use it as a work tool on my working hours, and also to communicate after lunch.
-No phone 1 hour after waking up, and 1 hour before sleep. (This one I was already following it).

Now about filling my “needs”:
Sport is a good way to relief stress, handle emotions, improving my phisical and psychological form. As a result I’ll be more confident and I’ll start socializing more. Meditation is also another way of handling emotions and gaining self control. I’m going to experiment with both. Depending on who you read, they’ll say you is better to exercise on the morning or on the afternoon. Soaring Eagle says it is better to do it on the morning. But I’m not used to do it on the morning cause I’m a student who is all morning on the highschool. I don’t know what is going to happen with this lockdown. Idk if I’ll go back to classes or not, so I’d say I’ll stay with exercise on afternoon. But someday I’ll tey it on the mprning to see how it feels.

This week is an experiment:
-Sport after rest time after lunch.
-No limitations, I’ll train however I want almost every day. Next week I’ll aply what I learnt.

This changes will give me much more “free time”. It’ll be free, but Idk what I will be doing. I’m used to spend almost all day on all forms of screens (phone, tv, games)… I will sure lear from this experiment.

I forgot to mention something. I have panic to burning out. Some of my previous streaks got over because I tried to do many things while prohibiting many more. Now I’m not asking me to do that much as I did before in time, but I still asking to do little things. I’ll keep this experiment all week if possible, but when I start to feel burn out, I’ll stop. As I remember, my las 70+ day streak wasn’t videogame and procrastination free, but totally amazing. My top 1 priority stills rebooting.

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I forgot to mention that Soaring Eagle said that nowadays man are treating themselves in a delicate way. We must understand that we are growing and our actions have consequences. We should be more aware and disciplinated. I’m sure I’ll reach that dsicipline point one day, I won’t stop rebooting!

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[12/05/2020]__________________________Streak: 009 Days


Today I’m feeling GOOD man. I’m folowing my phona and games rules. Today I didn’t procrastinate or play any game. I exercised and It feals GREAT. Before working out, I wasn’t very motivated, but after doing so I got like a new way to look at things. I took a photo of myself to analize my progress. I’ll take one a week.

About working out: Today I did 100 push ups, 4 series of abs circuit and 80 squats (my knees still weak). Is not that much, but I’ll improve as time goes on.

Today I didn’t studied about rebooting, but I feel my determination stills strong. Tomorrow I’ll listen to Soaring Eagle for sure!

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