[11/05/2020]__________________________Streak: 008 Days
This morning I had lots of urges. They weren’t more than annoying, I could control them easily. Urges come and go away, they are not what really affect me. Habits is what do. I’m actually not PMOing. This is an important step, but I’m not really improving. This is because I have other ways to recieve fake dopamine.
My first one is video games, my second one is the phone.
The former days I thought I could keep my other forms of indulgences, but far from the truth. Today (as usual), after lunch I started playing my videogames. At first all felt okay, but suddenly I got some pain on the eyes and they started crying, so after that my focus went off. I felt like I was way worse thay I ussualy was on the game. I couldn’t think! I kept playing for like 30 mins more, but I wasn’t really enjoying.
Also, today I failed on my training goal. Procastinating and phone is my other way of getting fake dopamine. If I do not cut this indulgences, I won’t be able to recover. Rebooting won’t be effective. As Soaring Eagle said, rebooting by itself is not enough, I have to cultivate my health.
I’m loosing weight due to stress that games produce to me, and low qualitu sleeping. I’m also eating less due to my low hunger. My eyes have like a black circle arround them. I have to make a change. Of course I’m not thinking about relapse, it is not an option. But the way I’m behaving now, is not helping me.
So I’m stopping now here and thinking about what PMO and my other addictions give to me, so maybe I can set a correlation:
PMOing gives me:
-A dopamine rush (of course).
-Stress relief. Phisical and psychological.
-Sense of acomplishment due to thinking I’m fertilizing docens of womans. Like a feeling of socialising, or getting socialy accepted.
-Way to eacape to being bored.
So I see a correlation with games… As I improve I got rewarded (videogames are so popular because their well organised rewarding sistems) and I feel like an acomplishment. They also give me a dopamine rush, and entertain me when bored. They (first minutes) relax me and relief me from my stress, but as I keep playing I start to get angry and stressed. Phone is more about socialising and not getting bored. Both of them also give me a dopamine rush.
So what I have is a problem on my own subconscious. I need to find healthy ways to get over this “needs”. First of all is setting my limitations and following them. I’ll be allowed to play videogames only on weekends. I’ll take this as a reboot itself. 5 days nogame challenge or whatever. About phone, I have to use it to study about rebooting, so I’m setting an use schedule.
I have the bad habit of playing videogames after eating. I also procrastinate all morning and postpone my work till 12 or 13 a.m… So what I’m going to do is to use phone two times a day for rebooting related activities:
-After lunch I’ll sit somewhere to relax and digest my food. I will hear Soaring Eagle’s podcasts (or related) not more than 30 min.
-Between 19:00 and 20:00 I’ll read the forum, ask and answer questions and help my companions. I will also write my diary.
-No fucking phone on bathroom, it’ll lead me to relapse im the future.
-About other phone usage. I’ll be able to use it as a work tool on my working hours, and also to communicate after lunch.
-No phone 1 hour after waking up, and 1 hour before sleep. (This one I was already following it).
Now about filling my “needs”:
Sport is a good way to relief stress, handle emotions, improving my phisical and psychological form. As a result I’ll be more confident and I’ll start socializing more. Meditation is also another way of handling emotions and gaining self control. I’m going to experiment with both. Depending on who you read, they’ll say you is better to exercise on the morning or on the afternoon. Soaring Eagle says it is better to do it on the morning. But I’m not used to do it on the morning cause I’m a student who is all morning on the highschool. I don’t know what is going to happen with this lockdown. Idk if I’ll go back to classes or not, so I’d say I’ll stay with exercise on afternoon. But someday I’ll tey it on the mprning to see how it feels.
This week is an experiment:
-Sport after rest time after lunch.
-No limitations, I’ll train however I want almost every day. Next week I’ll aply what I learnt.
This changes will give me much more “free time”. It’ll be free, but Idk what I will be doing. I’m used to spend almost all day on all forms of screens (phone, tv, games)… I will sure lear from this experiment.
I forgot to mention something. I have panic to burning out. Some of my previous streaks got over because I tried to do many things while prohibiting many more. Now I’m not asking me to do that much as I did before in time, but I still asking to do little things. I’ll keep this experiment all week if possible, but when I start to feel burn out, I’ll stop. As I remember, my las 70+ day streak wasn’t videogame and procrastination free, but totally amazing. My top 1 priority stills rebooting.