So this is my story from being a very good person to a totally self destroyed person.
It begins when I was in 7th standard when I first got the feeling of love for a girl:heart_eyes: who was my senior. I had a huge crush on her for 3 years until I decided that now finally I will talk to her and expess my feelings, I couldn’t gather the courage to talk to her face to face so I somehow gathered enough courage to drop a message in her dm(Hi!) Immediately after sending the message I got so nervous that I logged out and uninstalled Instagram from my phone. After 6 hours I reinstalled it to check what she has replied, she replied with a hi too. I got so exited then I asked her, "How are you?" And waited for another two hours. But this time when I opened my inbox I couldn’t see her name, then I tried to search her id and found out that she had blocked me:disappointed:. My heart was shattered . I never expected that she would do that to me. I had crush on her for 3 years, couldn’t even utter a single word in front of her just admired her Beauty for 3 long years. I got so furious that the next day I faught with half of my classmates (yes, the half of the whole class (35 students) Over some little debate, when my class teacher came to know about what I did even she didn’t wanted to talk to me as I was in no sense to listening to anyone, then the summer vacation happened. Thank god I got a break from school otherwise I would have definitely got myself suspended. I had a good image in class but after this incident everyone started to hate me because I was abusive, violent, and misbehaved with everyone for no reason. Even I started believing that I am a evil person. My board exams were also coming but I just couldn’t concentrate on anything ans did not so well in exams (Got 75%). I took commerce in 11th class because I didn’t get enough persentage to opt for science stream didn’t wanted to change the school as I studied here for a long time now. Now As I was recovering from my 1st heartbreak I found this another girl very attractive who was in science stream. This girl was my classmate till 10th and she was the topper too. I realised why I was wasting so much time on that girl which didn’t even cared for me when I had her as my classmate. But now she was in a different stream and couldn’t do anything. She also thinks that I’m a bad boy because she witnessed the incident I did a year ago. Some months passed now the year is 2020 in January I decided to propose her face to face not repeating the mistake I did with the other girl. I prepared a chocolate box and decorated it to give her and found out when I can give it her. I got nicely dressed up and when I reached the location I saw her sitting on a chair, I was flattered by her gorgeousness:heart_eyes:. But, she was not alone with her was sitting her boyfriend . Now this was the 2nd heartbreak, I went back without meeting her. Standing on a bridge, I thought how big of a loser i am, and then jumped into the river. Some people saved me and then I went back home. Then this pandemic hit and I was stuck inside hopeless and lifeless, just a living dead body. After the lockdown lifted I tried to kill myself again my doing a road accident intentionally, but didn’t died this time either. My 3rd suicide attempt when I stood on a very high bridge with a ground below, I knew if I took this step there was no way I would survive this, but then a thought hit my mind about my parents who love me and who are waiting for me to get home. I knew that it sucks when you lose someone you love because that has happened twice with me but parents love their child the most and I never could make them proud of me now I didn’t wanted to make them grieve for me for rest of their lives. So I decided to live, for them I will live. This is a story of a loser, who lost his love, his friends, people hate him, and moreover he even lost himself.