The Story of a Loser

Confession
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So this is my story from being a very good person to a totally self destroyed person.

It begins when I was in 7th standard when I first got the feeling of love for a girl​:heart_eyes: who was my senior. I had a huge crush on her for 3 years until I decided that now finally I will talk to her and expess my feelings, I couldn’t gather the courage to talk to her face to face so I somehow gathered enough courage to drop a message in her dm(Hi!):flushed: Immediately after sending the message I got so nervous that I logged out and uninstalled Instagram from my phone. After 6 hours I reinstalled it to check what she has replied, she replied with a hi too. I got so exited then I asked her, "How are you?":laughing: And waited for another two hours. But this time when I opened my inbox I couldn’t see her name, then I tried to search her id and found out that she had blocked me​:disappointed:. My heart was shattered :broken_heart:. I never expected that she would do that to me. I had crush on her for 3 years, couldn’t even utter a single word in front of her just admired her Beauty for 3 long years. I got so furious that the next day I faught with half of my classmates (yes, the half of the whole class (35 students) Over some little debate, when my class teacher came to know about what I did even she didn’t wanted to talk to me as I was in no sense to listening to anyone, then the summer vacation happened. Thank god I got a break from school otherwise I would have definitely got myself suspended. I had a good image in class but after this incident everyone started to hate me because I was abusive, violent, and misbehaved with everyone for no reason. Even I started believing that I am a evil person. My board exams were also coming but I just couldn’t concentrate on anything ans did not so well in exams (Got 75%). I took commerce in 11th class because I didn’t get enough persentage to opt for science stream didn’t wanted to change the school as I studied here for a long time now. Now As I was recovering from my 1st heartbreak I found this another girl very attractive who was in science stream. This girl was my classmate till 10th and she was the topper too. I realised why I was wasting so much time on that girl which didn’t even cared for me when I had her as my classmate. But now she was in a different stream and couldn’t do anything. She also thinks that I’m a bad boy because she witnessed the incident I did a year ago. Some months passed now the year is 2020 in January I decided to propose her face to face not repeating the mistake I did with the other girl. I prepared a chocolate box and decorated it to give her and found out when I can give it her. I got nicely dressed up and when I reached the location I saw her sitting on a chair, I was flattered by her gorgeousness​:heart_eyes:. But, she was not alone with her was sitting her boyfriend :broken_heart:. Now this was the 2nd heartbreak, I went back without meeting her. Standing on a bridge, I thought how big of a loser i am, and then jumped into the river. Some people saved me and then I went back home. Then this pandemic hit and I was stuck inside hopeless and lifeless, just a living dead body. After the lockdown lifted I tried to kill myself again my doing a road accident intentionally, but didn’t died this time either. My 3rd suicide attempt when I stood on a very high bridge with a ground below, I knew if I took this step there was no way I would survive this, but then a thought hit my mind about my parents who love me and who are waiting for me to get home. I knew that it sucks when you lose someone you love because that has happened twice with me but parents love their child the most and I never could make them proud of me now I didn’t wanted to make them grieve for me for rest of their lives. So I decided to live, for them I will live. This is a story of a loser, who lost his love, his friends, people hate him, and moreover he even lost himself.

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Hey brother.

U have gone through tough times. Iam really sorry.

But remember that there is light.

No matter how depressed u are. Never give up bro.
The fact that u havd joined this community means you are going to be the victor one day and you need to focus on that now.

What has happened has happened.

I dont know if you are religious or not, but i would suggest to try. Read spiritual books. Iam a muslim so reading Quran really helps me …

Most importantly dont be alone, talk to someone like you are doing now.

I would suggest to go through this forum and find the best strategies for you and apply it.

Suicide is for losers, but you are not a loser because you are going to fight for your life here.
Suicide will not solve the problem.

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This happened with me too, I loved a girl from 7th grade. But now at starting of my 10th grade, my friend ask her to hang out with me. She refused and told, we can only be friends. At the starting i felt very bad but i respected her for being honest. Now she asked me to hang out and then i refused. :joy:

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Iam sure u had ur reason for refusing
But mahn :sunglasses::joy:

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I know she will use me for her benefits and then she will cut off😠

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All of us face problems in our lives, that’s true, that’s how life works. Sometimes there are good times and sometimes they are bad, what lead me to suicide is loneliness. If you are not alone in bad times if there is someone to support you, then you don’t get as much as depressed. There are people in this world who faced much bigger struggles in life and still got through like a boss, they are known as ‘Winners’. And then there are people like me who are not brave enough to fight and just think that we can’t. For 5 years I carried this guilt in my heart which was poisoning me, killing me slowly and painfully. But now I finally threw out everything to start fresh. No more loser, I will be a Winner.

Thanks for your kind words guys.:heart:

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Dude, I think you are very brave guy.
Just keep your goals high and I can say you’ll become huge.

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You have been through tough times man.
Only thing I can say to you is that life is not about girls bro, all of the disasters that happened to you is because you were attracted to some girl. Now be honest with yourself, what you were really attracted to? It’s either her body or her face or both of them right?

Let me tell you a story. There was a saint who practices celibacy all his life, one day he got attracted to a young lady, he used to get lost in thoughts of her for days, one day he finally goes to her house and asks if she would marry him. The young lady said, okay, I’m not denying you, you come after 15 days. The saint agreed and came back after 15 days.

During those 15 days, the young lady took all kinds of medicines and made her herself go through certain processes which made her really skinny and weak, her hair turned grey, he got wrinkles all around. Now the saint comes, he asked the young lady, “where is that young lady who lives here”. The young lady said it’s me only, what you were attracted to is right there in that dustbin which is filled with all the filth of her body.

The moral is not to get attracted by something which is impermanent.

If you have problem with being attracted to females, imagine how her underarm would smell, think about how dirt is present inside her nostrils, think about how bad her mouth would smell, and finally think about how her pu$$y would smell which is just beside her a$$hole. I’m not disrespecting ANYONE. I’m only presenting you the facts about human body. Human body nothing but a combination of blood, flesh, bones, urine and stool.

The sooner you start seeing human body the way it is the better it is for you. What you think is beautiful (body) is only a temporary covering for that living entity (spirit soul). We are not bodies we are souls. Now, I hope you start looking for qualities like, morality, humanity, mercyness (unlike the girl who blocked you), truthfulness, logical thinking in girls and don’t look at their so called beautiful faces.

Hope this helps bro. Think about it at least for 2 days. :heart:

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When you know about her reality that she will cut off, why are still talking to her. Just asking.

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I didn’t talk to either of those, never. The saint story was very good and have a powerful point. I know I was just attracted to her physical beauty because I never in my life had conversation with them so I had no idea how good they are as a person. You know I was young, puberty just hit me, and all I knew was I have to get that girl, I used to even forgot myself when I fantasized her as my gf. I was really lost. Everything I did was wrong, I didn’t make a single right choice in my entire life till today. My destruction was no one’s fault, I’m am my own destroyer. And build myself again for good. This app, this community is great. Back then all I wanted is love and attention. I’m an introvert so I’m not social at all, don’t have any friends to talk to, don’t want to bother my parents about my problems even though they are really supportive and always understand me. I just wanted to talk to someone and get out of this void of loneliness.

Then I found this community, I can share my problems here, speak freely with people going through same problems. I’m so grateful to be a part of this.

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Depression and masturbation drained me mentally and physically. Some months ago I started to feel very weak and fainted a several times while just standing and talking to someone. When I told a doctor about this he advised me to get a blood check. The blood report came and it brought a bad news for me. My blood level decreased to 33% and had many unhealthy things developing in my body(I don’t remember the names). The doctor told me that I will not survive for more than 1 year. Then I decided to quit this addiction but failed many time until I found this app. Now I’m at day 3 and all I can hope is to survive. Though I have no reason to live but I don’t want my parents to see me dead either. I will live only for them.

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Why i will talk to her? I just refused her invitation for hang out. Goal centered now

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Ok so I understand it was the time of puberty, you were a teenager, I know how it feels I went through same exact thoughts of having a gf and fantasizing things like that. I hope you no longer look for gf now. It’s possible for you to be happy without having gf or friends bro. Don’t let society and it’s conditioning fool you. Society will tell you
do this at this age, get married at this age, society is brainwashing us, don’t watch TV (bollywood, fake corrupt media, etc) society gave you porn to enjoy. People literally say that masturbation and porn is healthy. No one can help you if you don’t start thinking by your own. That is exactly how you are going to make correct decisions, that is by refusing to get conditioned by rules of society, which you have failed to do so far.

And let me tell you bro, being introverted is not a sign of weakness, I’m an introvert myself. There are plenty of examples of introverted people getting successful. To talk about your decrease in blood percentage obviously it was because of masturbation. Body takes 80 drops of blood to produce only 1 drop of semen.

Let me ask you something, do you believe in god? I can give you very strong reasons to live for yourself only If you believe in God. If you are an atheist, I’m sorry I can’t help you in that case.

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I mean why are you in contact with her in any way. You refused her that means you refused her either via call or message or person to person, why are you allowing even that. When you know her reality, why don’t you cut her off completely for the love of God? I mean it’s all about respecting yourself bro.

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Hey buddy, first of all dont call yourself a loser just because you got rejected by a couple of girls. Its not that you did not deserve those girls , they were just not meant to be with you, you have a more beautiful soulmate waiting for you somewhere else.

Also i feel that your life revolves mostly around girls. Even i was lile this, i would see a girl in my coaching or school and fall in love with her so easily. It was a bit later that i would realize that it was just stupid teenage attraction thanks to hormones and nothing else.

Yes even i suffered a heavy loss in my grades because of my habit to fall for any beautiful girl i see.
So one day i sat down on my terrace with some music and thought about everything i was doing , evrything i did and evwrything i wanted to do in the future. It was then when i realized that i was not putting any efforts in the direction where my actual dreams were.
My actual dreams were not girls, they were much much bigger than them.
So BOOM i changed myself from the very next morning, i saw the beautiful dawn, prayed to the almighty, and started giving my best.

Even today i feel sad sometimes, there are gloomy days for sure , but now i have become strong enough to tackle them.

Also remember bro , tripping,falling down and hurting yourself does not mean that you are a failure or a loser, it’s a message feom god who wants you to look at stones on your road to success so that you can avoid them the next time they come.

I trust you bro , bounce back , show the world what you really got in you , become so successfull that now girls write ‘Hi’ to you and you have to block them because there will be too many :wink:

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Person to person.My friend is in contact with her.

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Okay… Should i hire a hitman?

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Oh comonnnnn bro dont say that you dont have a reason to live . You got sooo much potential in you and its fluttering inside you to come out.

If you had no reason to live , god would not have sent you to live , those people would not have saved you from drowing in the river.Think about it everything makes sense. You will live , You have to live .
See the good. Look at nature its so beautiful. Look at the good side to this world.
You can fight block and inspire millions of teenagers like you. You can be an inspiration to them.
GO FOR IT BROO YOU GOT THISSSS​:fire::fire::fire::fire:

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LMAO :joy::laughing::grin: I’m not saying you to kill her man. :joy::rofl:

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You are on the right path ma friend :smirk:
Go chase your dreams🦾