This is gonna be a story of master procastinator, tons of failure and into the depression , mentally weak 23 years , very low self esteem man trying to overcome all his shits and reach that success. I never tasted a bit of success in last 3 years, i am very Hungry.
New diary eh… Telling ya again , if u will not be serious , this diary will also be full of relapses …
All the best
3 days and failed (relapsed once)
While watching a movie, due to romantic scence … Also i am alone in my room on that time (11pm at night)
Its going on right now
Insane urges faced during this period:
from yesterday i have very huge urges to watch out for girls and fap …I cannot sleep well at night due to these urges and also i had a headache…maybe dopamine levels adjusting in brain
Making Mistakes without control :
Again getting into same trap myself… while watching movie, herione in bikini… i am watching that like eeee (watering in mouth ) , i tried to control but i cannot stop seeing her. Anyway i dont peeked or relapsed , but i know these images are like seeds that disturb and confuse our brain in destructive path again and again, maybe a risk that i never recover completely
Two Options for you:
Either you can live a normal life and be in this suck inside suck side of life (or) live the most powerful,happiest life …its you decision nivas. Its in your hands …all of the power and self control you need is within yourself.
All of the great great people are ones who learn to control their minds… Learn to control yourself thenn… i need you to meditate now thenn, it will pass… Everything is just raising and passing away… All are impermanent
nobody can help you …they can only guide you… all advises you know… please please implement…go go … all of the great great yogis think about themm… lord shiva, buddha,iyyapan, hanuman… here you are already suffering in depression please please i beg you …you fucker… just go n meditate now i say
You Must learn to control yourself … ohhh please. Meditate yaa nowww for 1 hour
people born using the semen…people live using the semen…people glow using the semen…people develop themselves using the semen… semen is for purpose inside you… you should not waste that. All of the great great art,yoga,dance all are created,performed using the semen(the energy)… You must learn to control yourself for your own grown then… look at those dance how beautiful it is …how much glow they have … You have only big big darkness thenn… plz come out baby… this is the timeeee to rise and shine
if you try to supress something it grow a lot bigger… Just understand that it will pass. dont resist and supress this one… its nature to have this urges… It will pass …it is not permanent… everything is just raising and passing away
Suffering is a part of life thenn, no need to create any aversion or hatred towards it. Because you are not the body, not the mind… you are more than that and beyond that or imply you are just a observer. No need to fall for joys and pleasure of life, because they also not premanent and just rising and passing away. These senses of joy and pleasure are just the temptations of that urge to masturbate and urges to eat that shitty food, the deep down attachments towards people,things … In order to purify your mind just be aware and understand these things by experiment.
7 days and failed
Got some cravings in my mind to fap because of the pleasure i get by that, i gave in. Just fapped early morning in bed thinking about the pretty hot girl i saw yesterday in marriage function. I shouldnot done this , but past is past i cannot change that, i go ahead and conquer this time. The realization came many times as stop inbetween but the point of getting that pleasure won. I personally know that its just the withdrawal pangs and that my ind is adjusting back to normal level. But in reality when the temptation was in peak i only need that pleasure. It seems like i dont have that strong will to change