The feeling of unconsciousness

It’s hard to explain my feelings.
From the first point of view I know how bad this habit is. It’s the reason I’m lonely, I don’t study, I’m not motivated to earn money, I don’t love people, and I want to die. But the thing is, it doesn’t… it never stops me from relapsing every day.
I want to live alone, because I’ve never had my own room. I want to earn some money to get small things I want (books, some electronics, tasty things). But it doesn’t stop the addiction.
I want to be with a real girl, be able to go some good places with her, treat her with tasty food and hug her. I want to have good friends. People to talk about stuff I like and help one another when things are hard. But it doesn’t stop me from pmo.
I realize that I’ll grow up with the addiction, be homeless, eat whatever find or be treated for if I don’t quit. I realize that I have so colorful dreams that I can try to make real. But it doesn’t stop me from pmo.
I realize that with every relapse I grow up and train me to be weaker. I know that nobody loves me and nobody cares about my existence, my thoughts, my style, my interests and feelings. But it doesn’t stop me when I want to relapse.
I don’t know why I’m writing this and why do I have so much tears going down right now. But I realize that these tears are not stopping me from pmo.

7 Likes

Hey my friend, I’m sad right now reading your post. I can’t say that I understand you or that I know how you feel or anything. But I can give you my point of view.

Ok, I am a mess myself. Im 22 yo, I never had a job and I never kissed a girl. Im not good looking. I have 1 friend. But you know what? I just don’t care about it anymore. I used to. But now I dont. And it feels amazing. It feels like freedom.
I don’t care much what others think, I dont care if nobody loves me and I dont care if nobody cares about me. Because I love me and care about me. And that changed my self esteem so much. I even love my life even if its a shitty one. And now I want to change that life.

I have big dreams myself too and I don’t have much motivation to follow them. But I know I don’t have motivation because of negative emotions. A fear of failure, not being able to achieve things. And so I procrastinate on my dreams all the time. Even though I know I have nothing to lose. In my head those emotions still exist.

So, whats the point of my comment? The point is, that you shouldn’t care so much, forgive yourself and let it go. Here you are, look at your hands. They are yours. Love them. You say you dont love anyone. Look in a mirror and say “I love you! I love you because you are me.”

And about pmo. Dont be hard on yourself. Dont care so much. You know, on my journey I realised pmo isn’t really an addiction. It is a way to suppress our feeling and depression. Its our defending mechanism. Some drink alcohol, others take drugs. You can be happy if you pmo compared to drugs.
Well, our problem isnt pmo or porn on its own. Our problem is depression. Pmo is just the result of it.

In conclusion: just dont care. Nobody cares about you? So what! Dont depress yourself anymore. Forgive youself, accept yourself the way you are. Embrace your addiction. You cant win every battle. But you keep fighting and you will win the war. Things will get easy.

And remember: I care! <3

5 Likes

Whats your age bruh🤔

Everything fall into places once you Conquer this addiction bro , believe I was there

1 Like

Dear friend
I can relate this with myself. These thoughts often haunts me but not anymore.
I go in lonely place and rethink
About My childhood, my goals, my dreams
About my parents how difficulties they have suffered.
What I have achieved every small achievement, every small happy moments.
And Why people care about me what I gave them. You don’t care about people they care you if you have Success money etc.
Friend you have to focus the goals you set rather than dreams.
Every small goal you complete it give you satisfaction.
Dreams are imaginary so do not dream.
Rethink. Watch a few motivation video on youtube. And save them every in every disturbing moment you watch them. It will remind your goals.
So friend do not think about die. Life is precious so you are. Everyone here have fapping problem so we are here.

1 Like

I am twenty years old

1 Like

Will there ever be an environment that stops me from pmo? I feel that it’s gonna be too late. I won’t care at that time.

1 Like

Bro it it only you who can stop it