The feeling of GUILT

So today I just masturbated in the afternoon at 4:30PM. I was alone at home, my mom was at our terrace and after doing the thing I was laying on my bed and then suddenly my relatives came. I got up quickly and greeted them and with them came my niece who is just 10 months old. This was the second time I saw her, she’s very cute and cuddly.

I felt very guilty while seeing her because this is the 2nd time she sees me, first time I saw her was when she was just born earlier this year and now… She was looking at me and I couldn’t make eye contact with her because I was feeling very guilty cause I just masturbated. I was hesitating to pick her up, I wanted to play with her but I just couldn’t. She deserves a good uncle which I’m not. I felt that she’s a little pure hearted soul and I’m a devilish monster and even my touch will corrupt her. I’m sorry, I’m really really sorry my love, please forgive me :pray:

Today I make a promise to myself that I won’t meet her until I become pure again.

And what’s ironic here is her father’s elder brother was the one who introduced me to porn when I was just 7-8yo.

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Bro, don’t be so hard on yourself. Children are the purest and the most beautiful creatures in this human society. They’ll never judge you. Like the waters of Ganges, their touch will purify the souls of most evil monsters. Whether you believe it or not, she doesn’t look at you as anything more or less than a friend to play with. In that she finds joy and happiness. So, play with her . Be with her. And protect her from getting abused by others. And of course, if you can, then do try to stay pure. But don’t let the relapse to be the reason to stay away from the small moments of happiness. We don’t get many such moments in life.
P.S. my own niece is just 6 months older than yours. She is one of the reasons for me to not give up on life and continue fighting.

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Thank you bro, thanks very much for your kind words. Seeing children’s smile make me genuinely happy. Just I don’t want to influence her with my dark aura, I’ll try to stay pure and positive. :heart:

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Thats what you can try bro. But believe me, her positivity is so bright that the darkness of your negativities won’t stand there for a second. But yes, try hard to stay with no fap for a better future.

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I saw in past video from Russel Brand where he mantioned how children view reality (connot find it now, so sorry).

Imho I agree with him that we as adults can learn (or relearn) soooo much from children as we forgot how is to be a children with all our responsibilities and problems that we rarely see world differently. Tey just dont see world as it is as they are not much touched by it. When they play, they just make up thing as they where there, but they are not.

He used example that his daughter played with some other kids and she said “we need help, Sara is in quicksand” or something like that. Obviously there was no quicksand pit, but just see how children can “bend” reality in they favour is priceless.

If you want to stal pure, go for it and I fully support you, but I agree with @PrDr that dont be so hard for yourself. She can lighten your day as nothing can, especially when they are so playfull and cute.

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I have so much respect for you, just by reading what you said. Im an uncle too and suffered with this issue. We all have are time where we will change, as for me i was very prayerful, i prayed every day to God, to change me and he answered my prayers. Right now im on day 22 (my longest streak)and going strong, i thank God for everyday that goes by its never too late seek Jesus now, because when he changes you, u are changed forever. Stay bless and positive

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