Chapter 29
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The war isnโt against users, but the ๐๐๐๐-industry trap, and itโs waged for the simple reason that I enjoy waging it. Every time I hear about a user escaping from the prison I get a feeling of immense pleasure. But this pleasure hasnโt been without considerable frustration, mainly caused by two categories of ๐๐๐๐ user. In spite of the warning in the previous chapter, Iโm continually surprised by the number of those who find it easy to stop, yet later get hooked and find they canโt succeed the next time.
Itโs like finding someone up to their neck in a swamp and about to go under. You help pull them out and theyโre grateful but then, six months later dive straight back into the swamp. Users who find it easy to stop and start again pose a special problem, however when you get free PLEASE, PLEASE, DONโT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE. They believe such people start again because theyโre still hooked and are missing the dopamine. In fact, they find stopping so easy that they lose their fear of โ โ โ โ . They think, โI can have an odd session, and even if I do get hooked again, Iโll find it easy to stop.โ
Iโm afraid it just doesnโt work that way, because itโs easy to stop ๐๐๐๐ but impossible to control the addiction. The one thing essential to stopping ๐๐๐๐ is not using it.
People usually come back to ๐๐๐๐ because they misunderstand the โeasyโ in EasyPeasy.
Imagine someone sitting on the cold concrete floor of a freezing room. On the wall opposite to them thereโs a window showing a perfect spring day outside โ trees gently swaying, birds chirping โ right next to an unlocked door.
Does it take any willpower getting out of that freezing room? No! Is escaping any harder than staying? Of course not! (In fact, itโs a little easier because of the body moving). Why would anyone in their right mind put themselves in such a situation, causing themselves months or years of frustration unless they were tricked?
EasyPeasy pushes aside curtains so the user can see outside clearly and to remove delusions about how terrible outside can be and how comfortable the user is in the room.
The other category of frustrating users are those too frightened to make the attempt to stop, or when they do, find it a great struggle. The main difficulties appear to be the following.
Fear of failure.
Thereโs no disgrace in failure, but not trying is plain stupidity. Look at it this way, youโre hiding from nothing. The worst thing that can happen is that you fail, in which case you are no worse off than you are now. Just think how wonderful it would be to succeed. If you donโt make the attempt, youโve already guaranteed failure.
Fear of pain and being miserable.
Donโt worry about it, just think: what awful thing could happen to you if you never watched ๐๐๐๐ again? Absolutely nothing. Terrible things will happen if you do; re-read the notes on Pascalโs Wager. In any case, the panic is caused by dopamine and will soon be gone. The greatest gain is being rid of that fear. Do you really believe that users are prepared to have fading penetrations, unreliable sexual performance, or the illusory pleasure they get from ๐๐๐๐? If you find yourself getting panicky, deep breathing will help. If youโre with other people and theyโre getting you down, escape from them and go to the garage, an empty office or somewhere.
If you feel like crying, donโt be ashamed. Crying is natureโs way of relieving tension. No one has ever had a good cry without feeling better afterwards. One of the awful things we do to young men is conditioning them not to cry. You can see them trying to fight back the tears, but watch the jaw grinding away. We teach ourselves not to show emotion, but weโre not meant to bottle them up inside. Scream, shout or have a tantrum. Kick something. Regard your struggle as a boxing match that you cannot lose. Nobody can stop time, every moment that passes that little monster inside you is dying. Enjoy your inevitable victory.
Not following the instructions.
Incredibly, some users say that the method didnโt work for them. They then describe how they ignored not only one instruction but practically all of them. For clarity, these are summarised as a checklist at the end of this chapter.
Misunderstanding instructions.
The chief problems appear to be these:
โI canโt stop thinking about ๐๐๐๐.โ
Of course you canโt and if you try, youโll create a phobia, becoming miserable. Itโs like trying to get to sleep at night: the more you try, the harder it becomes. It doesnโt matter if you think about ๐๐๐๐ for ninety percent of your life, itโs what youโre thinking thatโs important. If youโre thinking โOh, I love to look at ๐๐๐๐โ or โWhen will I be free?โ youโll be miserable. If youโre instead thinking โYIPPEE! Iโm free!โ youโll be happy.
โWhen will the little ๐๐๐๐ monster die?โ
The dopamine flush leaves your body very rapidly, but itโs impossible to tell when your body will cease suffering from the slight physical sensation of dopamine withdrawal. That empty, insecure feeling is identical to normal hunger, depression or stress. All ๐๐๐๐ does is increase the level of it. This is why users who stop using the willpower method are never quite sure if theyโve kicked it, even after their body has ceased suffering dopamine withdrawal. If suffering normal hunger or stress, their brain is still telling them this is a valid reason to claim their entitled session. The point being that you donโt have to wait for the craving to go, since itโs so slight that we donโt even know itโs there, only knowing it as a feeling of wanting. When you leave the dentist do you wait for your jaw to stop aching? Of course you donโt, you get on with life. Even though your jawโs still aching, youโre elated.
Donโt wait for withdrawals to leave because youโll create doubt by constantly asking yourself โHow long will this take? Am I even free if I donโt feel any different?โ Fear is the actual pang, therefore waiting for life to get better after quitting will create doubt. Withdrawal is imperceptible unless you fear it, and the exponential improvements to neurology are slow, so if you wait to feel different, itโll feel like nothing is happening, creating doubt.
โThe โmoment of revelationโ hasnโt arrived yet.โ
If you wait for it, youโre just causing another phobia. I once stopped for three weeks on the willpower method. Chatting with an old friend, he asked me how I was getting on. โIโve survived three weeksโ, I replied. He queried, โWhat do you mean, youโve survived three weeks?โ I clarified, โIโve gone three weeks without ๐๐๐๐.โ He said, โWhat are you going to do? Survive the rest of your life? What are you waiting for, youโve done it. Youโre a non-user.โ
I thought, โHeโs absolutely right, what am I waiting for?โ Unfortunately, due to lack of understanding of the trap, I was soon back in, but the point was noted. You become a non-user when closing your browser. The important thing is to be a happy non-user from the start.
โIโm still craving ๐๐๐๐.โ
Then youโre being very stupid. How can you claim you want to be a non-user and then say that you want ๐๐๐๐? Thatโs a contradiction. If you say that you want ๐๐๐๐, youโre saying you want to be a user. Non-users donโt want to visit the disgusting tube sites. You already know what you want to be, so stop punishing yourself.
โIโve opted out of life.โ
Why? All you have to do is stop killing yourself and start energising instead. You donโt have to stop living in the slightest. Itโs as simple as this, for the next couple of days youโll have a slight trauma in your life. Your body will suffer the almost imperceptible aggravation of withdrawal from demands and claims for a dopamine surge. Now, bear this in mind: youโre no worse off than you were. This is what youโve been suffering for the whole of your life, every time youโve been asleep, in church, the supermarket or library. It didnโt seem to bother you while you were a user and if you donโt stop, youโll go on suffering this distress for the rest of your life.
p๐๐๐ and orgasms donโt make occasions, they deprive you of them. Even while your body is still craving dopamine, meals and social occasions are marvellous. Life is marvellous โ go to social functions, even if there are naked dancers there. Remember that youโre not being deprived, they are. Every single one of them would love to be in your position, if only they knew. Enjoy being the prima donna and centre of attention. Stopping ๐๐๐๐ is a wonderful conversation point, taking a secret pleasure they cannot. Your friends and peers will be surprised to see that you, formerly shying and tired-looking, are now happy and cheerful. Youโll be enjoying life right from the start; thereโs no need to envy pick-up artists at parties, theyโll be envying you โ if only they knew.
โIโm miserable and irritable.โ
This is a failure to follow instructions. Find out which one it is. Some people understand and believe everything written, but still start off with a feeling of doom and gloom, as if something terrible were happening. Youโre not only doing what youโd like to do, but what every user on the planet would like as well. With any method of stopping, the ex-user is trying to achieve a certain frame of mind, so every ๐๐๐๐-related thought is punctuated by โYIPPEE! IโM FREE!โ If thatโs your objective, why wait? Start off in that frame of mind and never lose it. Thereโs no alternative.
โI had a good week / month / six months but Iโm back in the trap.โ
Remember, fear is the pang itself. Giving into a pang generates more fear, feeding the weakened little monster and succeeding in spooking the non-user into thinking theyโre hooked for life. In reality, their conceptualisation of the brainwashing hasnโt changed, but theyโve given dopamine to the thought process. This is by definition falling forward but is a failure to follow instructions. Understand which one below and rejoice.