The diary of Cubenix

Diary
1

Hey Guys as promised I have told you I will bring out a diary…

Well wait no longer I have been a bit busy these few days and a lot has gone on in these past few days.

Well I am hoping that a new topic I created will feature soon and that it will be loads of fun and filled with adventure and support.

Well you are gonna wait and see as I don’t know when either of the topic will feature. Or maybe I will might be late with the diary. Feature times are a bit unclear.

So as I mentioned in my starting topic. I am gonna do a daily diary and well here it is. After this hectic weekend and much stress and mindfog setting in. It finally cleared after much deliberation and thought in processing the move.

I ain’t gonna relapse no more. I am gonna keep it going till I really can’t no more. I am just gonna tweek my reality so it measures in what habits I wanna incorporate in this journey and I want you guys in the loop in some day to day post, sort of a day in the life of Cubenix kinda thing.

And any comment in ideas on doing this different is welcome, motivation or the need for discussing something is also there please feel free to do so!

Good luck and stay strong and awesome!

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2

Today marks day 99 on this journey.

I haven’t been checking my counter this much, but since day 85 I got quite excited to reach day 100. And well today marks a special occasion. First 100 tomorrow!! :exploding_head::exploding_head:

With all that is going on looking for escape and all that jazz on the nofap world on how far I came. I am surely a fool and also selfish to stop myself now.

So from today adding new things to the to do list.

So this will be day 1 in extra habits and I will expand on it in a later post!

Thanks for the read and support and good luck stay strong and awesome!!!

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3

Today marks day 100!

The darkness is fading and I feel good today.

Right so you guys were probably wondering what the hec is going on what new habits have I been up to.

  1. Well I have launched the new challenge for extra motivation in exercise so we can boost each other. ( This will my habit in helping the community)

  2. Incorporating more prayer time

  3. Gotten involved in the next challenge after I completed “Master of hard mode”.

  4. Learning new skills and study deeper in my line of work.

  5. Also started to improve my German as well, because I am sadly getting a little rusty in it.

So there you guys have it and yesterday was a good day a good start.

Today I am very happy as I reached day 100 and my new topic has featured and also the new habits have made a good impact! :grinning:

Good luck and stay strong and awesome!!

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4

Hey guys,

I wanna firstly thank you all for the read and well I hope you enjoy the content I am posting.

Today will mark day 3 in my new hobbies and I am feeling great on starting this now. After all that down in the dumps and self pity these new habits are working out nicely so far, even if it is going hectic somedays.

But I wanna focus on going forward not running back and hope I’ll get there one day. No I am gonna inforce this into a more positive light to escape the dark!

I hope you guys are doing well and staying strong?

Good luck and stay strong and awesome!

5

:joy::rofl: Hey guys Friday the 13th is here…

Well, I am skipping it as my Friday the 13th was last weekend. I can’t believe it is a week already time is flying by so quickly.

Anyways doing great so far today. I gonna update the challenge soon please check it out. Let’s get the party started! Enjoy your day!

Good luck and stay strong and awesome!

6

The weekend flew by so fast. Man, sorry I left you guys in the dark bout the weekend. There was a lot to do so little time. Some habits slipped yesterday, but it was well needed rest!

I am feeling good today and I can say this past few days was super productive. Although I and wishing like crazy that my new challenge topic would pickup a bit to be honest. Not that I am gonna be sad or jealous about it I was just thinking it is an awesome idea and expected more for all that I am doing.

But not backing down I will carry on and be strong! See you guys soon with a new look and new life!

7

Hey guys I don’t really have much too say. Thanks for the read and time

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8

Hey guys I am back. I know I said I would update daily and try to give you a day in the life of Cubenix, but I have failed to do so.

It was for the good as I had refocused again. Also I was a bit under the weather this past week. So I stopped all my habits as I focused on recuperating and also had time to just ease some of the stress of these coming days.

As we face the Corona virus( Covid 19), I just wanna take a moment and say thanks to all the medical teams around the globe that’s in the frontline of fighting the virus. I also wanna give my condolences to those that might have lost a relative due to this virus.

Lastly I pray that God will keep us safe and give thanks to Him for keeping us safe and also to be with those who fights this virus as well as those who are ill because of it.

Thanks for the read. Good luck stay strong safe and awesome!

9

Well 2 weeks later and I already left you guys in the dark of what is going on.

Well it has been a intense during this time as I just gone through the past one last time and to say goodbye I am done with it.

So with that been said I have seen the darkness the hurt within and I need to carry it with me and Other factors have been brought to my attention that I need to work harder on in bringing out the true power of light within

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10

Hey guys lemme bring you guys up to speed on my day. Well yesterday whilst on YouTube which I used almost daily where yeah a weird habit has evolved, but it is kinda good for me to relax and truely reconnect with myself.

I watch my favorite cartoon series when I was a kid. Well cartoons that really spoke to me as a kid to be more spesific and now I am surprised out what I have missed or don’t remember, but also it creates a sense of re-evaluation of what happend as well as the lessons in the particular episode.

Sure pokemon is out of my childhood and many other, but if you are wondering nope sorry not checking that out. I was quite bored with it as well as with dragon ball z. It’s my opinion and I don’t mean to offend or slash the stories, but I just mentioned it if some should be curious to know.

Well I am addicted watching yu-gi-oh yeah it kinda has the same aspects of pokemon, but it is a super remix there of and has more action and seems more mature and it keeps that suspense on you.

Now now a lot of guys probably are thinking me as a Christian why am I watching this weird cartoon which is kinda ‘demonic’. Well in this aspect I kinda don’t really have an issue with it as it doesn’t bother me, because at the end of the day it is just a story and within this story good fights evil and the good guys win. If you watch it kinda with more intensity it teaches you more than you realise. Like what true loyalty means or to have true faith with no doubt and it shows you to have dedication and determination in what you are doing.

Anyhow back to the point at hand anyways last night I YouTubed as usual. Naught me so bite me … I nodded of topic as a US marine was on home page as a suggestion. Weird right? And he had a challenge for charity on his challenge to motivate a kid. He got his whole platoon to join him and they sadly didn’t succeed in the full challenge. They did a bring Sally up pull-up challenge.

Well even though they failed it inspired me to see the good they were doing. As my exercise challenge topic sadly closed yesterday, due to inactivity, because I was sadly alone in it and stupidly enough gave up on it, but I really do wanna exercise so I went a step further and soon saw a guy doing a 30 push-ups for 30 days challenge as he reported doing it. So I decided to do it as well to do 30 push-ups for 30 days and this was day 2 and it was a awesome success.

Well yesterday the old me kept dreaming of doing it well he did nofap and is still going as unbelievable as it might be, but if I could do this nofap sortof alone more spesific in phone contact then this should be a breeze.

In other news well I kinda lost a lot in a track of time and also interest as well as kinda stopped with my other habits, but should you be interested to get in on the action I would like to mention what they are and if you wanna be an AP or just wanna join in on the fun let me know. It will help me as well as I hope for you!

Well currently I am stuck with the next few things I wanna do.

  1. Obviously finnish the 30 day 30 push-ups challenge. ( Exercise coach, tips or ap or join in is
    welcome)

  2. Maths( well I am currently needing to study calculus in the field of work not that bad as basic maths is in order, but I wanna progress a bit futher in the career hence the need for it. A study buddy ap or if you can do it and just wanna give advice and joun in is welcome.

  3. Well this might be tricky to get and I am stuck as I am rusty with german. Can understand it well, but due to the lack of communicating in this beautiful language I am losing my fluency in speaking it sadly.

Well that’s all folks I am glad I opened up a bit more! Please pm or reply in the topic if you wish to help. Thanks for the read and support!

Well guys good luck and stay strong and awesome!

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11

Today marks day 3 for the push-up challege. It was a good dau for it and it was done bright and early. Well you guys are probably wondering why am I doing it.

Well with the bring Sally up challenge I have counted the times they sing that phrase and I counted 30 times. So at the end of the week each 7th day I’ll be doing the 30 push-ups challenge with the bring Sally up challenge, but with push-ups to see if I can make it. As I am not really fit as I was in my teen years. A lot has happend college and working kinda took a lot of my time.

So yeah starting it at square 1 and wanna start and recommit to the bodyweight training at home.

So yeah with the maths started out last night just after I was on the forum and had a alright session. With the German tonight with the Duolingo app. Wish me luck!

See ya soon thanks for the read and support and good luck stay strong and awesome!

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12

Keep it up brother…love your diary

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13

I just wanna say thanks to all the supporters and I said in the beginning I wanna be a new me. It doesn’t help me to get far in this journey and yet stay in the past with stopping myself in building new habits.

Anyways just a quick update heading into another math session after this followed by my German practice. I won’t let you guys down!!

Thanks again for the read and support and good luck stay strong and awesome!

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14

Today went well. It started out very well. Then it went slowly down the drain as I tried to impress my folks with a kickass breakfast, but inside I was dying it is as if something inside just killed my enthusiasm for the awesome job I did on the scones and flapjacks. Like I don’t really know what bothered me about it, but it kinda dragged my whole day into a bit of an abyss.

Probably just the body that’s really getting hungry for some dopamine. As I also had a thing like I just wanna have a cold shower. I dislike cold showers, but today I litterly craved for a cold shower. So after breakfast I did the cold shower and felt warm and tingley afterwards instead of cold and miserable. Anyways I thought that it might help me feel better more awake etc., but it didn’t last long. Since it is Good Friday I just chilled out to help me feel better, but yeah still felt down.

So at 22h30 I did my push-ups and made it day 4. As well as with the maths and German! So yeah I am keeping it alive and not backing down. Not yet anyway!

Well thanks for the read and support and good luck stay strong and awesome. See ya soon

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15

Hahaha I did my 30days push-ups challenge but with a twist. I just decided to just do the bring Sally up challenge and it was easy I super surpised and feeling awesome .

Doing the push-ups was actually very pleasent with the song doing it and it was super motivating not to stop.

But I ain’t gonna stop there . I am gonna finish my 30 days. Day 5 and doing great! German and maths are also ticked off on the to do list after a busy day in the garden and other misc maintenance work around the house.

Well that’s all folks! Good luck and stay strong and awesome!!

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16

Almost forgot to do my diary well today was a very chilled Sunday. Did my push-ups challenge and German practice and well finish of with some maths. Doing great and feeling better.

So I am ready to hit the hay for the next week to begin. Tomorrow is the big day for me with my push-ups challenge as I will do the bring Sally up challenge as well for some extra Endurence help and see how well I perform under the tired arms!

Thanks for the read and support and good luck stay strong and awesome!

17

These days it is kinda a normal thing to read about me doing the 30 days 30 push-ups, maths and german so I’ll jump quickly on this to share a bit of sad news.

Done for the day and did the endurence bring Sally up challenge, but inverted it instead of going up when they sing up I went down and vise versa. Didn’t do to bad survived about half the song. This is an amazing base line to know how I will perform after my set of pushups. Total for today is 45 push-ups.

Yeah I know it’s not much, but I am building up slowly but surely and feeling good! So hopefully week two will give me a better result!

Next the sad news for today. Well I have discovered my sister and her husband is gonna divorce after a painful cheat from my brother-in-law he went and confessed he is also gay (actually more like bi) no hard feelings for some of the guys reading it, but why I mentioned it is there was something strange about him ever since he and my sister dated and then got married. He made weird jokes of wanting to kiss me or like flashed his dick or such weird jokes like wanting to enter when I was bathing.

I felt very uncomfortable with him. Sure I did bath with my nephew, but he was like in kindergarten and I usually had to babysit and bathe him. So I just took shortcuts as guys are and never actually thought about being so weird.
I just thought it was like a guy joke as I don’t really know what is normal in male friendship. These days things are so complex and people judge you so easy as gay.

I didn’t really had much male friends as I was hating their company a lot. It just felt like they had one thing on their mind. And it was just wanting a f!$#& or just wanna experiment with weird s"#&@ or wanna fight. See it is quiet abnormal for me as I didn’t see the purpose in smoking, drinking or talk about s*÷ the whole time.

It felt awkward being horney all day long or just dodging the bullets of a stare the whole time to get beat up. I sound like a loser, but it is just me. I ain’t normal. It just feels I don’t fit in. And to make matters worse is my nephew f!%#*÷ with my head in order for him to kiss me and we did fap together to porn and I regret it ever since.

I was stuck in guilt and I was so dead inside as I couldn’t bare it and I couldn’t believe it happend and it went as far. I didn’t know really what to say to anyone else or how to cope with it as this is also like a gay thing. Now I sound so hypocritical and also in this post so judgemental, but this happend and there is no turning back and no do over and I didn’t ask for it and yeah I disliked it as f!%$* and I just got stuck on porn and damn why’s.

The why’s I am over it as I am have been freed and I have destoyed my lust for porn! And I hope it last a lifetime.

I just gotta stay strong and focused and true to God.

I hope you guys understand that I am broken goods here to change my life and I feel bad as I try my best to fix myself and try to fix others through motivation and some harsh words to fix them, but I feel like crap if I can’t deliver on the fixing of others.

No matter guys I am gonna start over. I think tonight is just shock taking over and also my rest of my hurt is coming out. I sometimes just feel so scared as my intuition is so scaring later on about being right to be cautious or right about things. It tends to happen quite often nowadays.

I will change to be more inspiring and I am offering my diary and if you want pm me. If you still just wanna talk pm me for my number to Whatsapp me. I am not adding my number now to the diary as this is a personal invite only should you really have the need to talk more directly with me. And I mostly reply quicker there than here.

Anyways good talking with you guys. Thanks for the read and support and good luck stay strong and awesome!

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18

Hey just quickly popping in. Today is one of those days where a lot of frustration just kicks in and so people just push you to the edge of madness.

Firstly had an amazing day. Started off a bit bad as my dog bit me by accident in the face whilst I was sleeping. He just wanna play so as I turned over I just blocked my face with the blanket and when I removed my hand he went in nabbed me on the nose. Probably my own stupidity acting so sluggish as I was still asleep. Dunno? Anyways after this I nearly electrocuted my father and got a good shout for, but it was technically his fault as he didn’t inform anyone of his intentions/ work.

Well my grandfather constantly whistled and made annoying gestures and build arguements which had no grounds whatsoever. He just hears you reply to his arguement and then nabs back without thinking it through and also he constantly say: ‘I am stupid or I hate being so forgetful’ or something in those lines and also it is week 2 where we sometimes have the same conversations over.

My mom shouted at me as she was a bit annoyed also today. As I went to ask her would she like some tea before supper she just snapped and I wondered what I did wrong…

I know I am casting a lot of frustrations up again, but this is the lockdown doing it and it kinda messes with a persons head a bit. Being in constant conversation with each other and kinda getting bored at the same board game for the 100th or some what time.

This we ain’t use to as we are constantly connected to the tv, tablets and other devices connected to wi-fi. It is kinda sad how things are a bit out of proportion with this situation.

The cool thing is you can escape sometimes having precious me time or prayer or faith practice and then you feel strong again.

Late night gonna finnish up with me push-ups challenge. As today is day 8 and gonna do some maths and head for bed! Well the german already done and dusted before I came to chat and unpack a bit.

Thanks for the read and chat it feels good and I feel better. Hope it is going well with you guys!

Good luck, stay strong and awesome!

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19

Okay, I skipped telling you guys about yesterday. Sorry about that was busy the whole day I clocked out early. Still didn’t chicken out of my new habits!

So yeah today a bit late on my challenges, but about to finish up! And feeling good. I can report on day 9 of the 30 I can see my arm muscles are starting to regain their definition. Feeling awesome about it. Do anyone have any suggestions on a cool challenge?

Thanks for the read and support!
Let’s go! Stay strong and awesome and good luck !

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20

It is becoming a habit in skipping in telling you guys what is going in. Sorry bout that, but I am still on my new habits still maintaining push-ups maths and German practices.

Today is day 11 and still doing great in all. Just gonna head to Duolingo and then I can rest up for tomorrow!

Good luck and stay strong and awesome! Thanks for the read and support!

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