sis really made me a 8yo
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I need spectacles too 
also 3% 
. Goodbye
kabhi aur bhai
aaj nahi
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Photo hi toh bhejni hai me konsa rishte ke liye hath mang rha hu 
Mea hi bhej deta hun apne bachpan ki
Thank God I removed it on time
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damnn
bro was cute 
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Send it again
Ghhjjjhhggggbgbv
404 error
Aabra ka dabra picture is not clear because my camera provide blur image
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Njjjkkkfxcfgjlll
Ok I will edit it and upload it 3âŚ2âŚ1
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Missed again
Hhhhhjkkgffggggffff
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its over
I have done it
I really thought I had done the final touch in my mindset and was ready to go all in . I was more determined than ever . But the fear is still there . It was not worth even a bit and could have been avoided . It is very painful , the cycle is endless . I canât control my thoughts and overthinking . I hide myself from the thoughts by saying that Im on a new journey now , but in fact , when I am alone , I feel like crying hard every night .
And now that its all over , I have bombardments of tear . I am trapped by my own mind , giving it so much attention . Everytime I let go of haunting thoughts , I heal slowly . But end back up at the same place , and then those traumatic thoughts of losing it all come back again .
The problem is , I canât seem to accept things as they are . When I start a new streak , I ride on the calmness of no urges for 7 - 10 days . With a proper mindset , I keep going but one or other small thing happens and I overthink so much that I lose my strength and mindset . This time it was because of a bad nightfall which I thought was an unconscious relapse , I never know if it happens at night . And I get fearful if I might have lost the progress , what is the reason of this fear . Fear keeps accumulating , turns into anxiety and nightmares . And its all due to false judgements and overthinking .
I continue to think about it all the time , this time I was fearful that I only have 150 days to heal , that was seriously my fear . I kept thinking about recovery all the time , instead of thinking about the positives , I was thinking about the negatives that would happen .
Anything bad happens , I started thinking that its linked to it all . Its so much negative in there . I urge for clarity , and start thinking that it is only brought through relapses , my mind started craving dopamine . By time , it becomes more intense , mind making excuses about peeking to images , fantasizing and finally any one night leads to this .
A person shaking to watch erotic things and relapse to them .
And now I will think its the end instead of calming myself down . I will overwhelm myself so much that it will add to flavour of trauma . Then for so long , I will not let go of it , I will not let go of it till the no of day I last achieved . But then someone or something brings the spark again and I go on again , finding a new goal , 200 days to this date , 150 days to this date and so on . Start making patterns , being strong just as long as I feel good , as long as that dopamine strike thrives .
1 and a half years and its still a faulty mindset . I completely let go of that mindset and I was different for 20 days max , and then fear accumulated . This mindset found its way back and grew to this moment .
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Bro to control overthinking first be aware of your thoughts.
Know that thoughts come in cycles
Like we think about For example Science
Then a thought about Science teacher
Then a thought about Social Science Teacher
Then a thought about Social Science Exam
Then a thought about Marks and exams
Then a thought about Parents
Then a thought about Scoldings from parents
So you see?
It goes on and on like this in a never ending loop
The thing is to break it before it keeps encircling
U need to aware of that loop in the first place
Write down all your useless thoughts
One fellow in youtube gave a best example of loop nature of thoughts
Someone messages us that Dhoni got retired
Then we think about Dhoniâs life
Then we think about Sushant Singh Rajput who played the character of MS Dhoni in his biopic
Then we think about the death of Sushant Singh Rajput
Then we think about Bollywood
It keeps on encircling
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]
Giving it wayyyy to much importance .
The fear is what I have to kill , I gained a better momentum in studies this month . I cannot let it waste away . Its just 3.5 months away now . This week will all go in exams , yes I have exams . I do not know with what logic , I do such things before exams only .
Its due to all those misconceptions , still after so much understanding residing in the back of mind . I should not have been measuring the no of days in the first place itself . In fact , its my fault all the time
did I take actions to write down thoughts and meditate daily to supress them
neither did I fix my sleep schedule
neither did I do concentration meditations
neither I took any actions to get rid of sexual thoughts
I didnt made myself free of judgements and self doubts later
I planned to strengthen this mindset to its peak but never did
I got overwhelmed easily , I did not read easypeasy and cant hurt me when I was meant to
Its all inactions . I become unaware because I spend more time in thinking than staying in the present .
I wont feel any stress or burden now , but whenever I do a task improperly , I will blame it to this mistake and then fret about it . And then blame everything to everything .
And most important of all , that blur mindset is due to lack of self worth . I have demeaned myself so very much that I dont think I am not good enough . Only when I do something other than average , I feel something good , not other than that .
I understand all this , but fail to remind myself when the time comes . I search for clarity and peacefulness , I fear the feeling of deprivation .
Well that apart , I will start feeling even a little good about myself from now on. Ive relapsed too much till since last year and may but only started getting over 20 days from june and have done that 3 times . But I used to relapse several time a row whenever I relapsed . I am not willing to do that now because this was an accumulated mistake which led to a slip . And 28 days is an upgrade from whatever I have been the whole year . I should stop thinking comparing myself from my old streaks , I should at this point stop caring about streaks overall .
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why tf is that so long
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You know what your problem is brother? You make a big fuss about small things. I mean seriously you still consider yourself an addict after slipping up once after you made a decision that you are free a few days before? I was like you the last few months failing after some number of days but the difference between me and you is that I visualized my failure at that moment, focused on how stupid and unnecessary it was and carry on living free. You donât. You end up crying, meditating and waiting for yourself to motivate yourself to start like youâre in some kind of a movie. Life is a journey from the day you were born till you die. Itâs not a graph that grows up and suddenly at the bottom, no. It a graph that you draw, it grows up and up when you doin good but gows slightly down when you slip. Your vision of it is âsuddenly at the bottomâ. In other words, think of it as a recovery phase where, despite failing at some point, you acknowledge and learn more the further you go through life. You failed? No you slipped up, you are still continuing being free but you need to make your view of your enemy more clear: itâs a useless thing that doesnât need attention. Use your slip up to make the action seem more âless rewardingâ at the very least and completely stupid and useless at best. Go smooth and feel how easy and fun life is. View hardship as fun. Like your dad hiding under a monster clothes. You will laugh because you know that your dad is hiding under it. That your God is behind all of your trials and is counting on you to overcome them and get stronger! 
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And remember
YOU ARE THE AMBITIOUS ONE
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Just know your worth , jot down your thoughts in diary and prepare answer for your brain when it creates fog of judgement and doubts, wait did you do it!? You are much more than this . Your future and your goals that you have are much more important than your self doubt , when brain says you canât do it , remember your goals, your parents and your worth.
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Now thatâs what C language said.
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