The All Ruling Female

Before I get into it here’s a short background of my unhealthy relationship towards women.

I was a 13 years old boy coming back home from my all boys bording school. At the time i didn’t know how to talk to girls (who did?) and i was already using fantasy to masturbate. My friends had these girls coming to hang out with them and invited me to come with. I get to my friends house and two girls were present.

I mistaken one for an old elementary school classmate and her sister had retaliated so harshly calling me ugly and dumb and cursing at me. All these things were what i was already experiencing in school. I hated and resented anyone who denied my belonging because that’s all i ever wanted due to my father abandonment issues and trust issues from my violent,but caring, mother.

Since then on I just wanted women to pay, I wanted them to be punished and it was because I just became small around them. I would want their acceptance and at the same time I would not make them feel good about themselves because that girl made me feel bad about myself.

Where can you watch women being punished, beaten, degraded, raped, and treated poorly? Pornography.

I write this post because as im recovering from my 15 year addiction, I dont know if i should even be with women. I feel as though it has been ruined for me. Some of you see a pretty girl and want to ask her out, but i just remember feeling so bad as if I’m not allowed to join in on the festivities of man and woman relations.

I don’t want everyone to suffer, but I cant help but wish for my enemies misfortune. I have to let go of this resentment because women and men i dont even know are recieving it too. I do know that without them i wouldn’t have found my God’s love, but Im not going to give them high fives if i see them.

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It’s a good thing that you are recovering. But I assure you there are millions of girls who are better than that girl you mentioned. There are always bad and good people. You just need to have an open minded and stay true to yourself , rest will be attracted towards you just like that.
Use nofap to change yourself and see the result for yourself.

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Exactly, forgiving and letting go of this is your only way to true recovery. Holding grudges and negative emotions only hurts you, because that person who did something to you probably doesn’t even remember that situation. Try to leave the victim thinking and move to an “owner” thinking instead. What can you learn from the past? How can you reconnect with yourself and others? What else is there for you to learn and enjoy? A victim instead thinks “I’ve been hurt… others are bad people… I need to pay them back… they should treat me better…” and so on. You want to take responsibility for your life, because no one else will.

Take care.

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