Hey guys. I need some help. I noticed I want me and my girlfriend hang out and we fight it stresses me out to the point that I give up and masturbate. I know I’m rationalizing when I do it but it doesn’t stop me from doing it. To get the feelings of Stress and Anxiety to go away, I masturbate. I feel like I’m not strong enough at the beginning to manage these feelings. I don’t know if I should spend the least amount of time with her until I can get show enough to manage these feelings, or how else to handle it. We fought yesterday and I got so annoyed that eventually I rationalize myself right into doing it. Any input is welcomed. Also, I do use meditation and sometimes it helps, but stress in the moment that’s really powerful. Thanks
I got similar problems with my ex. We used to fight a lot about the most trivial things, and the built up distress in the relationship lead to more problems.
I decided to take a break and get some distance, because I knew that some of the problems that occured between us were due to my own problems that I also fought with PMO. It was a big clusterfuck and I couldn’t differentiate anymore between problems because of my addiction, problems because of my problems and problems because of her or our relationship.
I don’t know your circumstances, but maybe when you meditate you can try to find a hint as to where those problems come from, and if it might be an option to first clear those things up.
Maybe sharing about your gf quarrels to a trusted buddy, mentor, dad etc can help relieve the stress. If this is not possible, the best thing is to sort it out with her as quickly as possible. If still not possible, a change in mindset can help. I’m married and quarrels with wife also makes me want to do PMO. When we quarrel, that feeling of rejection and im not a good enough husband, man, lover, etc is always there. I dunno what your situation is, but shift your focus that it’s about the issue and not about your identity. E.g. if she’s mad at you, it’s probably something that you’ve done or havent done, and not the definition of who you are. In this case apologize, make amends.
Thanks gentlemen. I appreciate the input!!
You can talk about here on nofap no one will judge you until you beat marstubation
I know exactly how you feel. I used that as an excuse as well. I also used her addiction to alcohol to justify my addiction. “If she can slip and indulge so can i” was my reasoning. That is destructive behavior in and of itself. The difference is I broke her trust with my addiction. I know now that I should’ve communicated better. I should’ve let her be aware that her self destructive actions were triggers for me. It probably wouldve helped her and me at the same time
Bro I am afraid to say this I think you are mentally not enough strong handle your own feelings & her too it due to her crap things has been said. Keep conversation cool & casual.