Day 1 - Dec 24, 2020
I want to change so bad. It’s been awhile since I’ve felt the negative effects of PMO to the level I feel now. And it amazes me how fast this year went by.
Not going to play any games past 10 tonight, that’s my rule and I will not break it. If I do break it, then I’m pretty much guaranteeing a relapse. I have to make the decision to follow my own rules and to change my behavior, otherwise it will never happen, because no one else can make that decision for me.
Going to do a lot of reading today. If urges come I do push ups and journal, if I get urges at night, it means go to bed. A lot of times the urges try to twist my thoughts and desires to make me think I want to relapse, and it’s been happening so subconsciously that it’s hard to counter. I *need" to prioritize the journaling for this reason.
I think another thing is making an effort to go outside occasionally, I think that’s important. When I went outside yesterday I felt so much better. Being in front of a computer all day, every day can be difficult.
Anyway, merry Christmas Eve everyone, stay strong!