Day 17 of the 21 day challenge:
Thanks both the articles were worth a read. The first one is something I’m too familiar with since my whole has been a waiting game.
I don’t need to be negative but unfortunately it’s a trait of mine. I guess some people are more inclined to one way of thinking.
The first time when I was writing this diary, (thanks @Taher for the title change ) I thought why don’t I just write it in a positive way and not really talk about myself.
But I was wrong, If I ever wanted to get over this main issue of nofap that would be being more honest with myself and being more visible about my emotions and that’s something that the people around me in my life would never let me do.
To anyone reading this please stop if can’t handle this cause what am about to write might be too much for some (basically a trigger warning ).
So few months ago I met up with my friends for a friend’s birthday. There’s one friend that I thought we were close to and once in my life I decided to open up to her.
I told her I wished I had died when I was being operated on, of course I could never say I wanted to end it, and if I could I’m too much of a coward. This all happened when we were heading home.
You know we both started crying cause it was tough for me to say all that.The words my parents would never let me say. And the jokes my brother would make about it.
You know what she said, why didn’t you call me?
But how can I? When you wouldn’t even reply to the read messages I would send to you. When I could see all the blue ticks? Do they think I’m stupid?
So I told her I’m too stingy with my credit, this was when I realised I couldn’t continue much of this conversation. So in a sense I lied.
After started calling but would hang up that only happened for a week.
Sorry for all that but my minds in good place right now, I have things I wanna accomplish.
Maybe then I wouldn’t mind if I was gone.
(I think I should delete this but I’m fighting myself to just leave it) - ok I removed something’s