One day left until I reach my next milestone, hopefully things will continue like this to day 30 and beyond.
Today after getting up I didn’t have any anxious feelings at all, for once I had a dream. Before I would see so many of them but for the last few weeks, no maybe months I didn’t have any at all unless I just didn’t remeber them once I woke up.
But because I had this dream I woke up at around 4am, I looked at my phone and I started thinking if what I had seen was real or not.
I was scared and slightly panicking, the thing I feared the most might have come true. That someone I knew personally had discovered this journal and had exposed my sins, my thoughts and the struggles I’m always going through, for someone to just expose me like that to everyone I know, that public humiliation I couldn’t stand it.
But I looked over at my messages and none of it was real , and I thought to myself did I reveal my own identity on one of these entries since I haven’t looked back at them for a while now.
This all happened when I looked over at how many views this diary had , I didn’t even know we had that feature and to be honest with you it took me back a little.
So many people have read this and I wonder if it’s helped anyone, I wonder if anyone I know personally had read them and I was a little scared at the thought of it, but then again this is my way of dealing with this bad habit. I want to be able change for the best starting with myself and the way I handle thing’s.
I had become someone so completely different because of this addiction that I had forgotten who I was and what I stood for. The future that I used to dream of, it was all gone.
Myself confidence got worse I can’t even look people in the eyes and I try to avoid things that seem too troublesome.
But I’m human and each and every one of us has something that we don’t want people around us to know about. How we choose to deal with it is what makes us all different from each other .
Rejection, failures and never getting the thing you want shouldn’t stop us instead it should motivate us to be persistent and go for better opportunities.
Keep trying to not give in and it’s okay to feel down just don’t beat yourself up about it. That’s a reminder to myself and all of you guys.
“Sometimes the worts things that happen in our lives turn out to be a blessing in disguise.”
I’m feeling unwell today so I’ll be resting but you guys have great weekend okay.