Sparklymango's Diary: "How can anyone with nothing to lose, hope to compete with people who know what they want"

#121

Brother if your mother is like that don’t Brother her it has nothing to do with you, i know you are good person just focus on you be the leader of your own ignore those that make you feel bad and focus on the positive side of things, we have no control of our future in fact future does not exist only that moment you are typing this, the moment you get up and do push ups thats the future, the moment you see something funny and laugh out loud​:rofl::rofl::rofl: thats the future right there, you will eventually realise this and it will all make sense, i used to watch videos on youtube talking about living in the now and now i finally grasp the concept of ‘LIVING IN THE MOMENT’ remember hard times are temporally they don’t last forever.

Am planning when i get a full time job i will live on my own as well my family can be tough sometimes but most of the time we get along i noticed my mom is going to church alot more since our grandma visited and gave us life adivces funny thing is no one has argued with anyone since she went back, do you have anyone in your family that is religous?

#122

Yeah Sparkly bro, you did good, sometimes is better the silence and then some peace than to be right and just stress.

Don’t worry to much, as bro @nagate said, it will pass.

In your city is there some volunteer group of sorts, like a social support group? I don’t know how it is called in your country, but here in Brazil there is some of these groups in like public schools or hospitals that promote some free activities, like reading and drawing, exercising on parks, playing some games, giving some support, etc, normally at weekends.

Engaging in some of these or even helping out some can help to forget the bad things and even make some friends.

And if you feel you need to talk, we are here too. We can be strangers, but we are trying to help, at least by listening.

#123

Happy draw how are you mate

#124

Could be better, just relapsed this morning.
But I am forcing myself not to be overthinking that and keep going with I planned for today.

At least, my drawings were not sad this time, but still…

Thanks for asking! I chuckled on the Happy draw :laughing:

#125

:joy: am glad, yeah do not focus on the relapse too much focus on what you could improve, although its very common to think and regreat about relapses, but it does not last focus on the now and kick it from there :muscle::muscle::muscle::muscle::muscle:

#126

@nagate and @sadraw :joy::joy: you guys having your own convo but thank you so much for the good advice.

I’m trying to keep myself together mentally and that’s going alright not too bad. We do argue a bit but that’s normal. I do get angry but why even bother right ?

I don’t know but for the past few days I haven’t been updating this journal daily. So let’s try this again.
As for the volunteer work there’s plenty and I’ve tried to get involved but I’m too shy. As for the religious person, my mum’s religious :sob:.

I have become distant with myself and I’m struggling to motivate myself to do simple things like exercising but I’m happy that I’m nearing my 20 day nofap.

Okay I’m good now thank you guys for always reading and listening to me.

#127

Invitation to World Championship(elimination chamber match 2) :hugs:

#128

@Sparklymango
Miss you bro, hope you are doing fine!
Never give up! We are here too in the same boat!
All the best in your journey! :grinning::+1:

#129

I missed you too :sob:
Since I moved I haven’t really had any stable internet connection so I haven’t really been alone at home. And wow it’s been an eye changing transition but I do miss coming on here, it’s a bit risky entering this app when everyone’s around you.

Hope everyone’s doing well.

#130

Good to hear from you man! :grinning:
I am doing fine, getting in 10 days streak again, and still rolling! You are already on full force, almost 50 days! Keep going bro! :smiley::+1:

#131

Thank you :sob:
I hope this doesn’t change for me once I get home WiFi :thinking: but bro your doing great I’m rooting for you!
But I’m not gonna lie I’m still not experiencing any benefits I mean I’m thinking about my life too much. And so much relieve it’s worrying .

Sorry if I keep on disappearing, this app has set me in the track and look at me I made it to 60 days!

Thank you everyone for the support even if I don’t write much these days I’m always checking the counter.

And as for stress, I’ve learned to deal with it. :sob:
But fr this thing is really useful for that kinda stuff but the things people write on here :joy: might just trigger some.

79 days here I come!

#132

Congrats bro! :tada::confetti_ball: 60 days is a very big mark!
I did almost 20 days, but I will never give up trying!

And now that I see, the NoFap must be just the beginning of our new lives. We must see beyond that, what we want to do with our life. I have been thinking about this lately. Sure, not everything in the life does good in our way, but we must keep seeking a goal to achieve. I want that for me too, but no rush, just trying to live one day at a time.

I am so happy to see you doing just great man! Keep going, don’t ever look back! Look forward! For 70, 80, 90 days and forever! :grin::+1:

#133

You did it man congratulations, see!! It was all you! You choose the strong side and that side will only get stronger keep it up!! :+1::+1::+1::+1::+1::+1::muscle::muscle::muscle::muscle::muscle::muscle::muscle::muscle::muscle::muscle::muscle::muscle:

#134

Thank you always for the support @nagate and @sadraw I don’t know what to say, really thank you guys.

Not being online much has made me so much more active in life however I’m starting to think my previous (hopefully no longer current) addiction of masturbation has turned into something else and that’s texting/messaging.

When I say active I’m always outside more, if I need something I get it myself or when I’m bored I’ll go out by myself which used to bother me since I didn’t want to seem lonely.

When I 1st started this journal and reached 21 or 30 days (sorry I don’t remember) I was exercising, eating more healthy ,working more on myself and always feeling much more positive.

That’s all because of this journal, updating everyday relieved any stress I had, but now I don’t know I feel meh if that makes sense.

And for the past few days I’ve been feeling so hollow and nothing, I feel so sick but there’s nothing to show it, and all the stress that I normally used to write about here it’s just starting to pile up.

I’m always getting bothered by my friends taking the time to reply, and any motivation I had is all gone.

I feel so dead inside, I don’t know how to describe it, but I can’t imagine what my future might hold for me.

#135

Day 98:

As the title of this diary suggest I honestly feel so crap and I don’t know what this feeling is but it’s it feels like it’s getting worse.

And it’s been like this for awhile now I don’t know if it’s because I stopped writing but everything seems so crap.

And I feel like whatever this emotion is it’s getting worse, whenever people air me in my messages it just really gets to me.

So then I thought, I mean things like this just never used to get to me but now it does .

I’m going to be hitting my 100 days soon and in terms of temptation it’s all gone but a few times I’ve felt tempted in this journey but not enough to relapse.

But every other aspect of my life I haven’t been motivated , work sucks and I just wanna quit , I haven’t really been talking to my friends irl much just my internet friends that I’m starting to get attached to.

As for me and my mum it’s not too bad but my relationship with my dad isn’t so great.

I’m at a point where I wanna dissapear.

#136

@Sparklymango, you are a great inspiration. I read all your entries, and it shows how much you have grown.
Keep your chin up! Just remember, you are feeling down only in this present instance.
Everything in life is only a temporary instance, and all problems are temporary surmountable challenges for you to deal with and put behind.

Remember the awesome mantra,
THIS TOO SHALL PASS

#137

This actually made me cry a little ,I don’t think anyone ever said that I’m an inspiration and I’m honestly far from it, I’ve got alot to work on.

It’s just I’ve become so distant with everything and every little thing these days just gets to me.

So thank you for taking the time to read my entries and I’ll continue writting my experiences even past my goal of 100 days .

Now that I’ve got data I’ll be coming often to write on here so no excuses for me.

#138

@Sparklymango
Quitting porn is a major thing that most guys struggle to achieve these days…
Quitting on life though, well that’s a whole different story… I just opened this topic. I just read the first and last couple of posts written by you…
I gotta tell you I am quite jealous… I never made it to a 100 days mark… You have done an extraordinary job… Look at the badges on this app to see how many people have passed 100 days… They are less than a 100!! Of all the people who come and go to this app everyday you are one of the top 100… This is an achievement… This is one of my top 5 goals in life!!
I just can’t praise enough how much an inspiration you are to most of us here…
.
Yes you overcome porn addiction… Doing that with what I said makes everything really possible… Think of what you really want today… Tomorrow… And a month from now…
You have the core to change which most of us are struggling to find.
All I can say is stay up! Have faith in your strong yet peaceful heart… And never ever give up… As long as you have a healthy heart… You are far from failing in life… I can promise you that.

#139

Day 100:

So I told myself from the start of this journey, if I ever get to this day that I would reveal a bit more about myself and here we are as the title of this diary suggests.

I’m not a guy and that I’m actually a girl.

There was so many reasons as to why I couldn’t relate to everyone on this forum and why I chose to not reveal my gender, for one @happinessisinourhands I didn’t really have a problem with porn since it was catered towards men more than women.

I couldn’t really watch it I mean I hated it so much but I’m honestly glad that I don’t have that problem. But I understand the real struggle that porn has on people since reading for me was my biggest trigger.

I used to always relapse in the mornings right after I wake up just to relive any stress I’d have before starting my day.

And having too much time didn’t help that at all. If anything it made it worse.

After the 1st time I knew what I was doing was just completely wrong and I would sit in the bathtub cry about it but I couldn’t stop.
There was no one I could really turn to and the lack of female nofappers didn’t help.

But at some point the guilt I used to feel completely vanished and that it became a routine , I just felt so hollow inside and I’ve been on this journey from day one but I never had the will power to do anything about it.

But when I realised that I couldn’t find any joy in anything I was doing I thought I need to change myself.

And here I’m at day 100 but still struggling, but at least it’s much better than before.

#140

Not exactly… Lots of women are addicted to porn… About 25% of porn content is being searched by women…
And either you are a boy or a girl it doesn’t really matter… what matters is what you really want … What you are seeking for…
Have a good day…