I’m back but I don’t know what to write
So I started writing the above yesterday but I stopped and just went to sleeve.
I’m really stressed right now, this headache I’m having just seems to be getting worse and my mum’s endless shouting never seems to come to an end.
I was listening to H3 podcast with vsauce3 and they where talking about Jake smoking after beating his cancer all because he was mad.
Mad because he always led a healthy lifestyle and had no sort of genetic cancer but that his was a mutation.
But Ethan said something that hit me, smoking s not great but people have become dependent on it since it relieves ‘stress’.
But that was actually just a placebo kind of effect that the individual had created for themselves.
That part just hit me since for me a relapse meant I was always relieving stress but in actuality if anything it just made me feel more worse and more dependent on relapsing.
That dopamine rush is only temporary.
Edging a few days ago just made me lot less productive, I had to uninstall my block app for a bit but when I got it back I didn’t use it ,so I spent over 5 hours procrastinating.
My sister had a go at me for doing nothing.
But I have been applying for jobs continuously as for sewing and painting I haven’t done much.
Good thing I been at least trying to keep up with my exercise, I’m thinking if I should try to lose some weight (my genes are so cruel, you can feel my ribs but my arms are fat )
And I pulled out a journal book I bought a few years ago, I’m thinking of creating a productivity journal.
(I feel like my writings all over the place but whatever )