I relapsed yesterday at around 2pm and then at 2, 3 or 4 am today.
Procrastination really f**** up a good routine except that I never really had a good routine in the 1st place , I did a bit of work whenever I felt like it, ate at random times, didn’t walk consistently, not doing my stretches in the last 2 months cleaning my room every 2-3 days, only completed 8 chapters of the book I’m reading, ignoring people’s messages and just browsing the web too much.
Negative thinking also comes into play but I didn’t have any urges for the last 50 days until I was stressing out about some personal stuff, didn’t want to do anything, locked myself up on my room and got carried away when I could have stopped but relapsed instead.
It didn’t even feel great if anything I’m kinda worried now and my urges didn’t end after taking a shower after the relapse I mean I was good until I woke up in the early hours of the day due to pain and a really bad headache. One paracetamol later I relapsed just to deal with the pain I was still having.
Felt like s*** went back to sleep when I woke up again 2 hours after the relapse from a scary dream.
I saw a dead corpse
My body was shaking and I was panicking but then I realised it wasn’t real. The whole thing felt so surreal and I just couldn’t shake the feeling for the next few minutes and just forced myself back to sleep.
The reason why I believe I ended up relapsing besides the stress I was experiencing was that I didn’t shower that morning.
Why you may ask, well it was too cold and I thought about changing up my shower routine but nope I just ended up relapsing.
Well uhm it’s nearly 2pm I haven’t done much since I woke up really late and everything is just painful. I think I need to see a doctor about this.
I really need to think positively right now.