Physical urges are starting to fade. Things and times that used to be triggers are much less of a problem now.
It’s still important for me to maintain routines and be vigilant, but I am allowing myself a little bit of flexibility.
Rather than pmo, I am finding pleasure in new things, like receiving massages (I am receiving monthly treatments), eating delicious food, and playing music (alone and teaching my little daughter). It’s great to have things to look forward to every day.
I am starting to explore some of my deeper issues which left me susceptible to pmo addiction. In particular, shame and trauma. I have started to get counselling, to help me address these things.
Family life is improving. My wife is going to get counselling too, and we both feel that we will come out of this situation with a much stronger and more genuine connection.
Overall, I am making positive progress, and feel hopeful for the future.
So, I have had an introductory counselling session this week, and afterwards did an exercise that helped me understand myself a lot better.
I did a schema mode assessment which indicated that my primary schema mode is detached protector. That means that I fear difficult / strong emotions and in order to ‘protect’ myself, detach or numb myself.
Sometimes I have used pmo to detach, and more often to fill the emptiness that is the result of my emotional detachment.
Am looking forward to gaining more insight and growing.
81 days, and I’m about to take a 2 week holiday with my wife and daughter.
I’m going to take my Kindle and mobile phone with me, no laptop, and enjoy some sunshine and relaxation…
Has been a crazy year so far!
Don’t forget to care for yourselves in this journey. To succeed, we need profound change that goes deep into who we really are. Killing the addictive behaviour is just step one on a magnificent journey of freedom…
This weekend feels like a real milestone for me. My wife and daughter are away from the weekend. In the past I would have wasted my weekend on pmo, but I have spent the time watching TV series, repainting the house, and spending time with friends.
The thought that I could get away with pmo this weekend has crossed my mind, but whereas in the past, the feeling would have grown until I gave in to it, I have been able to relax and dismiss it, as the pleasure is weak compared to the pain of lying to my wife about it, and having to tell her the truth about it again one day.
I’m not there yet, but my next goal is to start to think differently about p. To understand for myself that it’s a bad thing, not just for me over the long term, but for all concerned even in the short/medium term.
To everybody struggling, remember that Pmo thrives on shame, isolation, and where you feel rejected. So, brothers, keep growing in sincere love.
Give without expecting anything in return, and spend your time with people who in return love you in that same sincere way.
I fell yesterday after 200+ days. Will take time to reflect and then post here. There’s more learning in the falls than the streaks. I’ll be back stronger.