Screwyneun9's accountability journal [16 M]

06/03/22 was my last relapse. I said the same about 29/03/22 but i feel a stronger resolve to actually go on this time.

My main reasons for wanting to rid myself of porn are : 1. To reach my knowledge goal to become a physicist, 2. Talk to my crush/ know her feelings about me so i can stop crushing on her and 3. To become an overall better person.

Im posting this for myself, but interaction is welcome. Let’s get through this together, and i hope ill be able to motivate you.

Day 1

[Regular Habits]

Studied : :heavy_check_mark:
Exercised : :x:

[Adonian Virtues]

Practised Discipline : For the hour before this, i consciously tried to be productive rather than just using my phone

[Day In Semi-Detail]

Nothing much happened. I as a person who does not pmo simply abstained from it, got my studies done and got motivated to acheive more.

I hope to be able to exercise tomorrow and will try to speak to a few people outside my social circle (not hoping for much there).

Day 2

[Regular Habits]

Studied : :white_check_mark:
Exercised : :white_check_mark:

[Adonian Virtues]

Discipline : Studied when i knew it was time to study but i deviated from times i set thrice. With the first time being off by an hour and the rest below five minutes.

[Day in Detail]

Sadly, my crush left the school to move to a different province. This made me feel a bit demotivated and caused me to question my reasoning behind doing this. I have realised that it was a bit pointless for me to do this for something variable and have started to see this improvement journey as for myself. Studies and exercises went well but the socialising was nonexistent. I’ll push it back to day 8 and keep working on me for now.

Day 3

[Habits]

Studied : :white_check_mark:
Exercised : :white_check_mark:

[Adonian Virtues]

Discipline : Basically the same as yesterday, with resistance towards doing what i had to do and faltering in certain areas. I hope to go with the uncomfortable options for 80% of the time from now on.

[“Detailed” Day]

Today was a fine day. Still getting used to not having anyone to have feelings for but its going well. Had slightly stronger urges but they only lasted for short periods of time. Thinking of adding meditation to the list of habits in preparation for day 7 but i dont know which form to practice it in yet.

Day 4

[Regular Habits]

Studied : :white_check_mark:
Exercised: :white_check_mark:

[Adonian Virtues]

Discipline : The friction i have before doing work has greatly decreased and i am able to study when i must. I am also more aware of more menial situations in which i can instil discipline although i don’t always do so, but i count this as a win.

[Day in Detail]

A very good day. Urges were near nonexistant although my mind was trying to store triggering sources for later (which we both know is of no use😂). I wanted to talk to a lot of people and although there was a mistake i made in today’s test, unlike my past self who would’ve let this control the rest of the day, i brushed it off and saw it as a chance for improvement. I also genuinely had fun practicing math today.

Day 5

[Habits]

Studied : :white_check_mark:

Exercised : :white_check_mark:

[Adonian Virtues]

Discipline : Compared to yesterday, i didn’t do very well. I stopped studying earlier than i should have and didn’t study with much intensity, but i won’t be hard on myself. The fact that i consciously tried to practice discipline is enough.

[Day in detail]

An alright day. No strong urges (not even to peek). Got back tests results i was happy with and was motivated to do better in future. Put my friend on to self improvement as well as he struggles with staying happy. I also finally have a “strategy” to get through the weekend.

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Relapsed today which was a few hours before my day 6 was supposed to start. I peeked on discord and that didn’t help with the urges i had. After this i searched for how to survive a peek but and i saw one post saying i had to restart. My rational mind saw this as extreme but after a while my jeffrey brain got the best of me and added this to my flurry of excuses to fap.
Honestly, I don’t feel too bad as i only did it once but the shame is still there.

Moving on, though : i plan to add more activities i have to do from tomorrow. Im also thinking of undergoing a dopamine detox during my upcoming school break for at least 7 days.

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