Sacred's Journal

Day 31

So yesterday was a big marker for me, 1 month. Proud/happy about that.

I took some time to reflect today on previous posts. Scrolling up to the first post I made on this journal I was so unhappy and sad. It honestly saddens me to see how much I was hurting. I’m so happy that I didn’t give up. Life is precious, but when you can’t see it and all you know is pain it becomes nothing more then a hard decision to keep fighting. Thank God I’m better now. Thank God I haven’t seriously thought of looking back.

It’s way over being “worth it” to quit. It’s a blessing.


Song of the Day
Jonathan Morali - Free Spirits

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Yes , you have come a long way. I can’t even imagine how it will be like falling from a 98 days mark . Then you decided to start this journey ahain and look at you are getting up there again. It’s totally worth it !! Cheers mate.

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Thanks brother. Much love.

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Day 32

I had a huge revelation today. It’s something some people don’t want to hear, but it’s absolutely something everyone must know.

Wherever you are now is fully of your own doing. While you might want to blame other things, other things don’t control you. For so long I wanted to blame pmo for bringing me into poverty. I wanted to blame pmo for making me depressed and anxious. I wanted to blame it for ruining my relationships. But ultimately who pmo’d in the first place? Who decided to stay in the circumstances that brought about all the negativity? Me alone. While bad things may happen to us (and it happens to us all) it’s what we do that shapes our lives. Will we get back up and fight, or will we stay down and blame the thing which hurt us? Pmo was simply a means to an end.

Now i’m not saying pmo does not bring effects with it. It certainly does. I’m saying that it is all in my control whether I even pmo to begin with. With pmo you must accept the effects that come along. So in sort you bring along pmo and the effects all in your own doing.

We all need to take control of our lives, and take responsibility for it. Once we do that then we can fully start living how we want to. This to me is a hope.


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Absolutely brother :fire: … we should stop blaming and start taking responsibilities!

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Day 33

Realized another thing today. I replaced the crutch of pmo with another crutch. My phone. I realized this when after an urge I went straight to my phone to distract myself rather then going to God as i planned. So today I start consciously limiting my phone use to only necessary things. All forms of entertainment will only come from my entertainment center. For others having entertainment and social media in their pocket isn’t a problem, but I know my situation and what it does for me. I will write down a plan for this when I get back home.

It is a great thing having the drive to change. Before no pmo I didn’t have this drive to be better. Thank God for everything.


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Day 35

Had a wet dream last night and a dream about relapsing. It came after a hard time for me. I know myself better then ever this time around. I got some discouraging news yesterday. If I had been weak I probably would’ve relapsed, but my voice of reason is far stronger nowadays. I hold onto the hope of bettering myself in this tough time and continuing to work hard. Thank God for all you’ve done for me. I know your plan is greater than mine.


Song of the Day
Puddle Of Mudd - Blurry

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Day 40

Thank God for 40 days! Benefits are real and I’m grateful for them. I won’t lie life is tough, but I finally have a reason to fight. Been super productive. 5 more days and I’m half way to 90 baby.


Song of the Day
Incubus - Talk Shows on Mute

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Day 42 (insightful post)

Hopeless to Hopeful

Personally I’ve come to the conclusion that I am more broken then I thought. Yes, I’ve been doing good things this streak. Working hard everyday, exercising, eating better, being more productive in general. But I still had this hole in my soul that always brought me down. During this streak I’ve changed so much that I no longer see life as I did just 42 days ago. Meaning I feel as though I’ve awakened. Even in previous streak when I thought I knew everything about myself I wasn’t even close. Now this time I’ve come to know not only my core insecurities and problems, but also I’ve come to know why I have them and how to fix them. So that’s what I’m doing now, fixing what was broken for so many years (since childhood.) To me this is a God send. For so many years I did not know what was wrong with me or how to fix it. Now I do, now there is a chance for redemption.

If anyone is having these type of problems of not knowing what’s wrong in their lives I urge you to go on nopmo. It may be a life saver. With pmo your mind is in sort of a deluded state where you cannot think clearly, you cannot plan effectively, nor do you have the motivation to do so. You’re sort of just living and dealing with your problems daily, atleast that’s how I felt. But when you finally are able to think without the neurological effects pmo gives you, you will see that there hope for any situation. Life can be unnecessarily hard if you aren’t in control of it. I believe for some people this journey is an absolute necessity, for others it is beneficial, and for some it’s a burden. It really just depends on yourself. This post is for the hopeless, this thing can really save your life. If you are feeling that there is no hope, let yourself be that hope. And for me that meant taking back control of the one thing I should have control over, my own life.


Song of the Day
Vertical Horizon - Everything You Want