Day 9
So far I’ve been good. No big urges, but I know it will come sometime. Honestly I wasn’t following the plan I made out since the beginning but today I start it 100%. I will now build myself up everyday. I’m not looking back to the old me, i’ve got to create this new one with new habits and new daily rituals to improve myself. This feels like the last streak brothers, if God be willing.
Song of the Day
The Streets - On The Flip Of A Coin
Hope you’ve started your plan now brother!
We want to see you succeed man! With GOD’s Help, it will surely happen.
The new you is the real you!
Day 11
I’ve always felt I could be better. I think if you don’t maintain yourself atleast then you will waste. Personally I was wasting for many years. My aim now isn’t only to stop pmo but to build myself everyday even if it’s in a little way.
So far no real big urges. A flash of an urge might come but it’s immediately handled. I will begin reciting affirmations or bible verses and imagining a big red X when an urge comes each time. If this doesn’t work I will be adding more methods I’ve read about to overcome it.
Benefits so far
Higher concentration
Better memory
Clearer thinking
No brain fog
Anxiety down 75%
Depression gone
Connecting to people better
Motivation to do things
Energy
Voice deepening
Less hair falling out
Better looking skin
Dreaming again (literally and figuratively)
More that I can’t think about atm.
Haha thank you brother, I have. Things are going really well. I see what you did there with the last sentence haha. Thanks for your support.
Song of the Day
Ephixa & Laura Brehm - Losing You
Reason I chose this one is because it feels like I am killing off the old me at this stage in my life. I no longer want to partake in the things I used to. May God help me in this new journey. And may he help each of you.
Day 11
I’ve slowly been feeling worse since about day 9. While anxiety has disappeared it’s almost like I’m so my body is trying to get me sick for shutting down the urges with the methods I use. I’ve felt a bit sick but not much is the thing so it make me believe it’s a false sickness. My mental clarity has also decreased a bit and I have had headaches as soon as I wake up. I’ve also not had very vivid dreams as I usually do on streaks. It’s weird because these usually aren’t the withdrawal symptoms I get. I honestly believe this is my bodys way of panicking because I will not even entertain the idea of relapsing. I don’t think it’s a coincidence either that a strong urge came for the first time during this streak.
All I have to do is stay strong and keep with the plan. Thank God for everything. We’ve got this brothers!
Song of the Day
Billie Marten - Hello Sunshine
Day 4
To say this journey is absolutely the one would be me knowing the future and i can’t control that. To say I’m going to do my best to not relapse would be real and under my control.
I looked at myself in the mirror some days after having relapsed and saw something I didn’t see before. I was turning into the old me when I was deep into pmo. I was starting to gain weight as I was when I first started the journey. I wasn’t really taking care of myself. I was losing muscle size from not going to the gym anymore, and multiple other things. Then I realized probably the most beneficial thing I’ve ever realized for this journey; not only had this addiction damaged my brain, it had damaged my whole life. My body had been damaged because of this, my mental health, my relationships, my opportunities, my confidence, my joy, and multiple other things.
Then I looked at other addicts or people trying to quit certain things. Cigarette smokers for example, a lot of them never really quit until they hear that 6 letter word “Cancer.” A lot of Alcoholics don’t quit until they either hear “Liver Disease” or it starts ruining their relationships. Looking at all former addicts I could think of I realized one things they all had in common. They all looked at what the addiction had done or could do to their lives and that was their motivation. I think this was my error. I was looking at what substaining could give me or looking way back to some relationship. I should’ve been looking at now and the past. It has caused so much real damage it’s honestly scary. Something not looked at as a drug can still screw you up.
So at end I want to say I’m sorry for those I’ve disappointed. I’ve gotten right back up and I will start the climb over, but I will not quit. I will never quit.
Song of the Day
Slowdive - When the Sun Hits
You haven’t disappointed us brother. But I like your thinking, we must look at our lives and see what we can be, and see what we can do right now to make a difference. Take one day at a time, and head towards the future.
How has it been going? I hope you are doing well.
Things are going well. Thanks for asking. I can’t say it’s not been a little rough but I’m glad I’m atleast a week clean. If I can end this year clean I’d be so happy.
Good to hear! I’m glad you are still going strong.
I believe you can make it to 2020 clean bro, you got this 
Day 11
I’ve been sick the past couple of days with a bad cold. Weird how a lot of the time after I relapse I get sick. Obviously the sickness is caused by having relapsed. Very real physical effects… Anyways, I’ve been going really good recently. I’m starting to feel better overall. Noticing benefits already, but I’d rather call it realizing myself and how I’m truly supposed to operate. Had some flashbacks early in the 2nd week, but I just remember how damaging that the habit is and the urge subsides. My plan goes as follows.
My plan goes as follows:
•Every week write down something the habit has damaged in my life or can damage
(I think I need can go on infinitely on how bad the habit is)
•Every 2 weeks reread all I’ve written
•Whenever an urge comes drop everything and feel the urge. Understand that you have control over your own body
•Pray whenever a urge comes
•Imagine a big red X over a flashback or triggering thought
•Whenever an urge comes reaffirm yourself mentally or vocally *I can and will beat this" until you believe it
By God’s grace I’m here fighting and I know with his help I can do this.
Song of the Day
Balmorhea - Greyish Tapering Ash
Day 12
I believe one of the most important days of an addicts life is the day they decide to quit. Keep this day sacred to you, for it is the day you decided to take back your life. With this being said I also believe we must have strong enough reasons to stop. Remember all the reasons you decided that day to stop. For me I remember it pretty clear but I will still write down that day to fully remember. Wouldn’t it be amazing if next year you look at the calendar and you instantly know what day you quit? Remembering where you were and looking at where you are now would be so amazing to see. It’s a big celebration on that day for me. Feeling good. Going strong, thank God.
Song of the Day
Jonathan Morali - Golden Hour
Crazy looking back this addiction has given me such a negative mindset… lol sorry to all of y’all who’ve read it. These journals have had more downs then ups but I have hope things will get better now.
Hey brother, no worries. We must cross through the dark valley to reach the hilltop. Those negative posts helped to remind me of where I had been in the past as well and stay humble. There is learning in everything.
Also I love that Life is Strange soundtrack. I had never heard it before nor have I ever played the game. It kind of reminds me of the Last of Us soundtrack, don’t know if you’ve heard it but it is really beautiful as well.
I guess you’re right. Glad it’s benefited you slightly by serving as a reminder. Hope all is going good brother. And yes i have heard of it, I have yet to play it but I hear a lot of good things about it. Sounds beautiful.
Day 14
Finally after months I am past the 2 week mark and onto the 3rd. Thank God. Going stronger then I’ve ever gone imo. While urges have come the unwavering “NO” to urges hasn’t changed. In previous attempts I’d go days with no urges but as soon as a strong one came I’d give in. Hasn’t been happening this time. Remembering how damaging that the habit is really snaps me out. I will continue giving it my all. Hope everyone else is doing well on their streaks. We can all beat this. 
Song of the Day
Whitney - No Woman
Yes brother! If you hold onto that memory every time, you will never go back. So much pain, suffered and misery; let’s leave it all in the past and live in the truth.
You’re doing great brother - keep going!
Much love brother. Your support is always taken with gratitude. 
Congrats on making it into the 3rd week brother 
Amazing work!
Also love that song, will put it in my playlist 
Thanks brother. Glad you like it. Hope you’re doing well. Have a good Christmas Eve!
Thank you brother , I am doing really good, chugging along as usual.
I hope you have a good Christmas Eve as well!
Day 16
I’m feeling free at this point. I’m feeling like myself again. Yesterday was a special day with family. Just being able to be present with them and show them I loved them meant the world to me. I haven’t been able to do that in years. Please God may this be my last streak. I will try my hardest to make this my last streak and make 2020 my best year yet. We can all still end this year with some momentum going. Push brother! You’ve got this. Hope everyone has an amazing Christmas! Spend time with your family if you can. You only ever get one. And remember what the day actually represents. Today we celebrate a very special persons birth, Jesus Christ!
Song of the Day
Jonathan Morali - Free Spirits