Ritesh's Dairy. M[21]

:pray: :pray: :pray:

If—
Rudyard Kipling - 1865-1936
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If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on”;

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings—nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run—
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

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21 Oct:

The impediment to action becomes the action, the obstacles become the way. -Marcus Aurelio

Morning:
:x:Got up at 6:45 isntead of 6:30
:white_check_mark:Yoga, Meditation, book
:white_check_mark:1.5 hours study
:white_check_mark:Sattu and powder

Work:
:white_check_mark:3.5 hours of study(late tho completed 5 hours by 6:30)
:white_check_mark:No YouTube all day
:white_check_mark:Followed to-do list
:white_check_mark:Ten min nap

Watched a great movie on Netflix while lunch enjoyed Chicago 7

Evening:
:white_check_mark: Exercise

  • Meditation
    -audiobook 45
    -journal and plan tomorrow

Day was great, enjoyed it , overcame an urge I’m a person who overcomes his challenges.

my brain is asking for the drug but ,No I won’t watch porn and masturbate coz I’m not that person who watches porn and I want to prove it to myself with action and reaching day 30 for starters. Watching porn is like deceiving my partner and the world by hiding my dirty side from it and showing a false image of myself to people around me and no I’m not going to accept that life for myself. I want a life of honesty and happiness not the one where I myself am standing in my way.
I’m am not going to watch porn or masturbate today because porn is a poison for my happiness and relationship with myself and others
It makes me feel very bad and the second of pleasure prison is not a wise choice to make. It’s a lie that brain is telling me coz it wants it’s drug and I’m pushing it by doing hard things. There is nothing worthy in comfort but the world to be won in discomfort so I choose discomfort for myself ie aksing for broader shoulder rather than a lighter weight to be carried. I’m am strong ,I am worthy of a life that has emotional control in it. I am capable of controlling my emotions and reacting in a healthy way.

What do I want deep down?
I want to eat this shit spoon of urge and do my part of riding this urge out and empty the pot of finite urge so that I can be more of a person who can handle his emotions of discomfort and over come the challenges he has taken upon himself with great thought and discussion. I want to be more of a emotionally balanced person and react with a healthy response to the vice that my brain asks for just coz that is comfortable and doens’t take much to do but in turn harms more than it gives pleasure is not bad but this type of pleasure that affects the brain rots it. Rots the dopamine receptors to not let me enjoy the very essence of life which is in limiting consumption. I want to have a healthy brain and healthy body, better skin and porn causes acne and more stress in my life it’s poison for me and I’m smart enough to not feed it to myself.

What is my response ?
To study 30 min complete my 5 hr study challenge and then go for Exercise and do workshop day 11.

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What up brothers???

October 22:

I was experiencing some urges today but stayed loyal to work and having a life I want to live. One filled with challenges and me over coming them that’s what life is just a test.

Morning:
:white_check_mark:Got up at 7
:white_check_mark:Yoga, meditation, journal and book(20/20/20)
:white_check_mark:Powder + aloe juice
:white_check_mark:Studied an hour

Work:
:white_check_mark:I learnt basics of financial modelling today(1+3 hours so 4 in total)
Tho was not satisfied by the quality coz I wasted few minutes searchibg for audiobooks to download but ok I’ll do better tomorrow and not procrastinate. Tho am happy that I did 4 atleast ie improving my mean value
:white_check_mark:Nap in afternoon
Got my bcom results, passed with 8.7, yaaay
:white_check_mark:Did star routine
Will do recovery workshop now in 15 min.
:white_check_mark:Recovery workshop

Evening:
:white_check_mark:Walking + exercise
:white_check_mark:Listened to podcast on impact theory, Alex banayan such an amazing podcast it is

Book reminder- The third door.

-meditation and wim hof Exercise
-book 45 min Atomic habits
-journal and planning.

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Hey friends.

Will get to Day 15 tonight. Proud of myself, I am satisfied with this and plan to move forward with same energy and vigour as earlier. Next goal is getting to Day 30. These choices of not getting into pmo but to make use of the discomfort and advancing myself as a person and controlling the emotions but taking value based Decision is making me a person I want to be.

October 23:
Morning:
:x:Got up at 7:30
:white_check_mark:20/20/ didn’t read 20 min plan to do it from tomorrow
:white_check_mark:Powder and aloe
:white_check_mark:1 hour of study

Work:
:x:Didn’t achieve goal of 5 hours(4 hours did)
:white_check_mark:Nap in afternoon

Was watching Mirzapur for fun today so no Exercise and of that recovery nation , I feel that for me it’s only useful uptill day 7 coz I’ve never been so much addicted by it that I hamper relationship with people around me tho yes I don’t want to be the person who watches porn coz it’s bad as a vice and it has had adverse affect on my physical,moral,performance and life quality status.

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Together towards Day-30 :muscle::muscle::muscle:

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Yes brother. I’m enjoying being a swordsman​:heart::man_dancing:

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October 24:

Morning:
:white_check_mark:Got up at 7(10:30-7)
:white_check_mark:Followed the system & star routine done.
:white_check_mark:20/20/20 done
:white_check_mark:Powder and aloe

Work:
:white_check_mark:Studied 5 hours
:white_check_mark:Listened to audiobook
:white_check_mark:Nap in afternoon
:x:Didn’t do recovery workshop
:x:Didn’t Exercise (went with a friend to hang out while maintaining social distance ofcourse.) Walked 7832 steps if that counts

Evening:
Will-
-meditate
-watch mirzapur now .:grimacing::grimacing:

Today I understood one thing that porn is not the problem, the problem is me escaping from my life in the sense that we people run from obstacles of life (which is the only thing that offers us growth). It’s just like a bridge , if you have it you don’t give your all and fight the army that’s on the other side but if only if there’s no way else to go you have some chance to win and be proud of yourself. Just like these sides of the bridge, one side is growth and love and an amazing life coz you’re living it with all your heart , while other side is pain, shame, guilt coz you missed all the previous chance to fight and prove yourself to yourself and escaped with porn and masturbation (simple comfort)

I feel pain and discomfort is an integral part of life and these obstacles are the life itself.

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No one is at home now and I have my laptop, full on internet connection. Previously I’d have just been triggered by this to watch porn and masturbate. But now I know that I don’t even fucking want to do it,

  1. it’s a super waste of time without any output, masturbation feels good ofcourse but I don’t even want to do it. And the thing I don’t want and I do is the worst trap to be in
  2. tomorrow I will regret it therefore I’m not doing it. I need to make my tomorrow self proud coz that matters.
  3. If I die tonight id regret this shit so no.

See ya guys tomorrow.

Amar ha Chu*tiya nai​:laughing::laughing:.

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It’s day 17 my friends.

Having an amazing time. Proving every day the identity I want to instill.

October 26:

Morning:
:white_check_mark: Got up at 7:05
:white_check_mark:Powder & aloe
:white_check_mark:20/20/20 done Reading atomic habits

  • Studied 2 hours morning.
    Completed a book called Wind up bird chronicle tho it’s kind of an adult novel I mean parts of it but I enjoyed the story it’s amazing, so soothing and mostly on how we adults see time.

Work:

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Will post at 10,5 & 8
I have reached day 18 today. Am a gentleman now, proud of myself. Had a very hot dream last night tho no nightfall.

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Defeat, My defeat.
My deathless courage,
You and I shall laugh together with the storm,
And together we shall dig graves for all that dies in us,
And we shall stand in sun WITH A WILL,
And WE shall be dangerous.
- Gibran Khalil.

1 Defeat seems more precious to me then 1000 triumphs.

What say @Marcio?

@Ritesh_k99 congratulations on getting here, my son! I know it’s not being easy, but it will be worth it! :trophy:17

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I don’t know it’s pretty easy. I’m juat taking decisions like a person who takes value based Decision.

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Morning fam.
October 28 it is.

Morning:
:x:Got up at 7(11-8)
:white_check_mark:20/20/20
:white_check_mark:Aloe and powder.
-2 hr study.

If anyone needs any help with motivation or just want to talk. Text me up I’m always there for you guys.

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Watched porn today on 29 October.
Feeling pretty empty and energy less from within.

Worth it?
Nope not worth the time and energy.

What went wrong?
-Surfing net while studying.
-Reddit usage.
-Not doing star routine when the urge came up.
-Not reading daily about the subject so not remembering how shitty this feeling is.

Any fool can act wise when the path is clear, worth of a person shows up when there’s despair.

I didn’t stay upto my promise. For the day

But over a month I’m still nearer to my goal

3/30.

Not saying the shit that I’ll get up again nd all but I will make changes to my plan and this mistake won’t happen again.
Ie the one where I rationalise with myself that why am I doing this it’s mot worth it, and me being curious and acting out.

There are also things that are not going wrong anymore.

Study routine or getting in the study hours
Exercise and plans
Diet
Getting up early
Sleeping in early
Phone usage
General productivity and Relationships
Career goals

These are the things that are going great so I won’t fuck anymore of my time and continue them while also taking in the things that went wrong and improve them too.

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Got all my todo tasks and more done yesterday.

Today: Oct 30
:white_check_mark:Got up at 7
:white_check_mark:20/20/20 done
:white_check_mark:Aloe & powder.

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Already day 2 done

October 31:

Morning:
:white_check_mark:Got up at 7:10
:white_check_mark:20/20/20
:white_check_mark:Powder and Aloe + chia seeds
Read a bit of newspaper and made plans for the day

Work:
:white_check_mark:3.5 hours of study done
:white_check_mark:Nap in the afternoon
:white_check_mark:Some motivating thoughts, handled anxiety about job very well.
I have an anxiety that I’m 21 and don’t have a job/internship while I’m not wasting my time entirely - I have FRM under my belt + I’m working at learning Financial modeling and am good at Excel and Python, R

If anyone wanna share some insight please do.

:white_check_mark:Spent time with family

  • will do Recovery now then exercise and read a book.
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Negative thought are like killer ants ,you need to sqaush them listen to Daniel amen.