This is probably my 7th diary here. Why not ? Diary is a free estate here. In a serious tone , my main reason why I started this diary is because I want a new start. One of my dreams was to get a honors degree. But now its completely shattered. I became blank. I relapsed too like 10 times a stretch.
So I need something that keeps me alive. A dream, A goal or something that keeps me excited each day. After a lot of self reflection, I decided to work towards becoming IAS Officer.
I googled to get some good coaching centre and finally found one which not only fit with my schedule but also they only charge a fee our family can tolerate.
Initially, my family was sceptic regarding my dream , but they are not against it. Contacted the tuition centre and it would start by June.
Trying again with greater optimism. Idk why but I remember one quote from Dream 11 ad
Bhai
Deciding that and that too on time is probably the best thing one can do, and it’s completely possible.
Keep working your ass off now, you’ve got this.
Nothing special bro. I just make sure I am mindful of what I am applying in my hair. Earlier I used to have hair loss problems . So my mom told me to follow a routine which help to balance Ph of hair and hence it may prevent hair fall. It’s like this
Monday and Thursday - Apply nothing
Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday - Apply oil
Friday - Apply shampoo
I just make sure I follow this. And now my hair fall problem is literally next to nothing. If you have any hair fall problem , I wish it would help you too
Visited Northern part of Kerala , Maharashtra, Karnataka and Goa. I will update regarding this tomorrow. Currently 3 days of no fap. No urges these days
MILESTONE : 3
Current streak : 4 days
Badge : Settler
Daily journal
Visited Karnataka, Maharashtra and Goa. Had a good time there. Took a lot of pics . Unable to update it coz in in detox right now with this app as white list. Visited placed like Muradeshwara temple which is famous for having 2nd biggest Shiva statue in the world and some beautiful places. Visited the jail where Vasco Da Gama was temporarily bailed . Our S4 starts tomorrow and I am ready to rock it.
Read 30 minutes
Mindfulness practice 15 minutes
Workout
Cold shower
Follow hair routine
No autosexual behaviour
Practice classical music
Restricted junk food
To do list update
Study daily portions
Download course information sheet
To do list for today
Study daily portions
Deadline
Complete Analog Circuits record - 13 May
No fap update
MILESTONE : 4
Current streak : 5 days
Badge : Peasant
Daily journal
The day went well. Was busy collecting the textbooks of all subjects from library. Worked out, meditated and studied till 12 AM. I am happy that I am optimistic this time. I beg to God to maintain this optimism during desperate times. While meditating , my gut feeling was telling me to take M.tech before IAS training . I find that as a good idea. Now thinking associated with it.
Read 30 minutes
Mindfulness practice 15 minutes
Workout
Cold shower
Follow hair routine
No autosexual behaviour
Practice classical music
Restricted junk food
To do list update
Study daily portions
To do list for today
Study daily portions
Study for Microcontroller viva exp 1
Deadline
Complete Analog Circuits record - 13 May ( Completed)
Complete Microcontroller record - 18 May ( Completed)
No fap update
MILESTONE : 4
Current streak : 6 days
Badge : Peasant
Daily journal
Woke up at 6 AM. A day was really superb and positive in the morning but challenging and confusing during the remaining part of the day.
Its like this . In the morning, when the girls in the class were outside we boys had a pushup challenge. I was in the 3rd position when it comes in taking maximum number of pushups. People cheered me for that. A good dopamine kick to start the day.
I was not able to get all the books required to study for this semester so I was busy looking for it during the remaining part of the morning.
Then the challenging situation happened. I saw my crush in a particular position which triggered the hell out of me. I had a lot of pre cum during this time. I can feel my underwear wet. I don’t want to explain about this , as it might trigger you too. This thought start to haunt me during the remaining part of the day. On reaching home , I realized I lost my record book. So I sent a voice message via WhatsApp in my class group whether if anyone has my record in their bag pls let me know. Hopefully got it later.
But the trigger I had earlier is really haunting me. I cant focus on my studies. It took me more time than expected to complete a specific task.
I thought of meditating but realized the thought was getting amplified like anything. So I stopped in the middle.
So I have to do some action to suppress the feeding to these kinds of thoughts.
Currently I am looking for a nearby coaching centre for GATE and once I complete M.tech , I will be looking for UPSC examination
My short term goal is to get M.tech and studying for UPSC in parallel. Now I am planning to study for GATE which leads to a college in which I am pursuing M.tech. UPSC is not a joke. I just made it as my long term goal.
I searched articles relating IAS and UPSC for past few days. From that what I understood from the experience of many IAS officers is that they are been manipulated by many people who have technical knowledge. So if I am blessed to become an IAS Officer, I don’t want to be manipulated by these people.
I believe getting IAS from UPSC is tough. Out of 16 lakh students only 1000 ( approx ) are been recruited as IAS Officers.
Seems like you have a good study schedule to crack this. Advice from you is always welcome. Also thank you for the encouragement
Why do you wanna go for Mtech if your final destination is UPSC, I would suggest joining a UPSC coaching Institute right away after your Btech or keep preparing of it by yourself, it’ll be even better if you can start your preparation with college itself.
Btech is very sufficient enough to write any UPSC exam.