Rev2016 - Nofap Journey

#1

21(M)

I don’t remember exactly when my addiction began but I was definitely around 11-12 years old. I’d somehow come across this sketchy looking website that had pretty suggestive pictures of women.
Fast forwarding a bit to my mid teenage years my addiction had reached it’s peak (however at this point I wasn’t aware it was an addiction). I would usually PMO 2-3 times a day at this point and would feel utterly disgusted and guilty immediately after, however I made little to no attempt to stop because I thought it was “healthy and normal” because that is what society had taught me.
When I was about 17 years old (about a year after I got my first job), things started getting alot worse than I thought they ever would. Again I don’t remember how but i somehow discovered this “dating website” and let’s just say the females on it weren’t looking for a relationship. Anyway the website offered free membership for a certain time and I was instantly hooked sexting to these women (yeah I know I’m a loser), and it made me feel hugely better than compared to when I was using porn. You’ve probably already guessed it but when the free membership period ended the damage had already been well and truly done and I was constantly spending money on this website (which wasn’t cheap) because I just couldn’t help myself. So not only did I have an addiction but it was also now putting my financial wellbeing in jeopardy.
Now fast forwarding to the 19/02/2019 I was still hooked. I made various attempts now again to stop with little to no effect, and the fact that I don’t have any control over my urges is slowly making me lose the will to live.

The ways in which I have tried to stop was to block myself in every way I could think of from these websites (including getting my parents to set a restriction on my phone, however I made sure they didn’t know they were actually doing and what they were doing it for). However obviously none of this worked as I was always able to work my way around it or reverse it (a major disadvantage of knowing way too much about technology). After doing a tonne of research after my last “solo mission” I’ve become convinced that the solution isn’t to restrict myself but to control myself which is why I’ve started Nofap. I wasn’t completely aware originally that I had a masturbation addiction but now that I know I know what I need to do, and that is Nofap.

I think it’s useful to know what kind of life I’ve been living during these years, due to the fact many people have claimed that during Nofap they’ve had alot more of an inclination to improve their life.
So during the time I’ve had this addiction so far my life has been less than satisfactory. Ive never had many things I’ve liked doing but over the years one by one they all became less and less enjoyable to me and I ended up dropping them completely. During this time I’ve only picked up one new activity which is powerlifting/bodybuilding which I’m happy to say is something I will never give up as it makes me feel good.
My education is a similar story, I would lose interest and the motivation to do any work very quickly despite doing excellently and would always drop out about 2/3rds of the way through.
My social life is in very bad shape. During my early to mid teens I had a lot friends (probably too many) but since then my social life has become non existent. My oldest and best friend has slowly disappeared from my life because even though I valued him as a friend I just couldn’t find any sort of drive to make an effort (its pretty much the same story for almost every friend I’ve ever had).
Now for relationships. I’ve NEVER had a relationship with anyone in any shape or form. I’m not entirely sure why but I’ve also never particularly wanted one, purely because of the amount of effort it takes and partly due to how petty I hear alot of people are in relationships. Oh and also because Im not sure how I would tell a potential partner I’m a virgin at 21 years old…
My self care - my self care isn’t awful but its definitely not great either. I have a shower 1-2 time a day and I’m pretty hygienic. My skin however is pretty awful on my shoulders, chest and back and despite being majorly self conscious about it i have made zero effort to try and improve it. My facial hair makes me look homeless because it hadn’t been trimmed in so long and again it’s because of laziness.

I’m aware that all of this needs to be improved and that Nofap isn’t going to magically change all this. I’m just hoping that Nofap will give me some sort of encouragement or drive to fix more parts of my life than just healing from my addiction.

If you’ve actually read this far then thank you :slight_smile:

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#2

Day 1 - I completed today with practically no issues whatsoever, however I believe that’s mostly down to the fact that today was a pretty full day and I didn’t have much time for it.
I went to the gym, and on the way back I noticed alot more on exactly how much I unconsciously look at woman’s boobs and ass. I made sure to use what I believe is called glance strategy and made sure I didn’t look a second time.

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#3

Day 2 - so far today has been more difficult. I woke up and was instantly horny. I got up immediately in order to make it go away. It worked which I’m pleased about.
It’s about half way through the second day now and I feel really anxious and on edge.
Ive now reached the end of a long second day and experienced very minor issues (nothing I couldn’t handle haha). I’m feeling really tired so by the time I wake I will be well over 48 hours into Nofap.

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#4

Props to you for putting all this out. What’s your sharing code? I’m going to be following you. This is a journey you don’t have to do alone. Take courage @rev2016. You’re victorious!

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#5

Thank you for encouragement :smile:
I’ve never revealed what my life is truly like to anyone so this is a big step for me and not just from a Nofap point of view.
My sharing code is vrt0ky. You’re absolutely right when there’s a great community like this one who encourage you along on your journey it makes it easier! Hearing about this app has been one of the best things to happen to me already.

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#6

Day 3:

I’m actually starting day 3 a little earlier than expected due to a pretty short bad sleep. I actually had a dream during the short sleep, and I rarely ever have dreams (probably 1-2 times a year). It was a part 2 so to speak of a dream I’ve had before. The dream was basically a conversation between me and a woman who sounded dissapointed in me. I’m not saying I had this dream due to being on Nofap as I believe it’s just a coincidence I happened to have a dream now.

I just spent some free time I had to unfollow every potential trigger on Instagram (the only social media app I use regularly). I unfollowed almost 200 people.

It’s nearer the end of Day 3 now and I’m pretty certain I’m starting to suffer withdrawal. I’ve got a pretty bad headache which is unusual for me. The only times I get headaches is when I’m suffering withdrawal from caffeine when I’ve decided to cycle off it for a while.

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#7

So I failed 1 short sleep away from Day 4…

I was incredibly tired, and miserable and before I knew it my mind had convinced me that it was okay to watch a little bit of porn, but for an addict there is no such thing as just a little bit.

I know I should be pleased that I even made it 3 days without PMO, however it doesn’t make me feel any better or less dissapointed in myself.

However despite all this there is no point in dwelling on this, so I just need to learn from it and make sure I don’t make the same mistake again!

Day 1 attempt 2 is starting!

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#8

Day 1 Attempt 2 done with no problem at all! I feel alot more prepared this time around so I have high hopes.

#9

Day 2 Attempt 2:

I had no issues today except when I got nearer the end of the day. I’ll admit I nearly fell off the rails but I resisted so bring on day 3!

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#10

Day 3 Attempt 2:

I’m struggling a bit today, mostly because I had a bad day and want to release some stress, but I will NOT fail this time!

What I’ve noticed over the past week is that since I unfollowed everything on social media that could be a trigger, I haven’t even spent half as much time on my phone as I did before. This shows me that the main reason I use my phone is for porn…

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#11

Day 4:

I’ve broken my previous record now which has me very pleased.
I’m still feeling very miserable from withdrawal and appear to have woken up with an annoying tickly cough.
I’d forgotten to mention until now but weakness, light-headedness and lack of motivation is hitting me hard. I also started getting restless legs (rand om twitching) which from what I read online is also a dopamine withdrawal symptom.

#12

Day 5:

Im at the start of day 5 right now and haven’t managed to get to sleep yet. I really struggling to get to sleep because I cannot get the sexual thoughts out of my head at the moment.

Currently at work and I’m occasionally getting these waves of nausea. Hopefully that is due to Nofap and not because I’m getting ill.
As for urges and triggers, all is good at the moment.

I RELAPSED again at the end of day 5! I’m absolutely gutted.
I won’t give up. There is no place in my life for this awful addiction.

#13

I’m convinced that one of the main reasons why I failed this time is because I was focused on it way too much. I’m gonna go afk for long periods of time this time and just update this thread when I happen to be on here.

#14

Just relapsed just shy of a week which is now my new personal best! I failed but I’m still happy because going a week without PMO was unthinkable not long ago!
Starting again and going to go farther and become greater!

#15

Hey! You’re in this to win this. You’ve been going up and down this rollercoaster but it’s time for you to keep rising. Come on, 3 days is no joke. Great job! Add three more to that! :slight_smile: You are victorious. I wanna see you rise up!

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#16

Day 43 - I realise I haven’t updated this thread in a while however I was feeling a lot better keeping my mind off anything even remotely related to pmo but at the same time staying strong (hopefully that makes sense).
However I reached day 43 (which is a feat I never could have imagined before joining this site) and without warning I got a sudden urge and before I new what I was doing I’d failed.

I’m absolutely gutted and horrified right now starting from the beginning again, however if I’ve been strong before I can be strong again.
I felt a tonne of benefits over the now past streak. I felt confident af, horny af but in a good way (can’t explain it any better than that), and overall I was generally happier.
What annoys me about this relapse even more is the fact it didn’t even feel good.

Anyway day 1 starts again!