I couldnt hold myself… i have to write it in my diary… its morning time but anyway.
Last night went to bed without the pills at 10 pm. For 2 hours the thoughts were revolving in my mind. Random thoughts of past memory. I was changing my sleeping positions again & again. Somehow, i finaly slept. I woke up at same time as usual in morning at 7:45 am.
As usaul i dranked some water, went to toilet. Then, brush my teeth. Put on my winter gear & sports shoes. Went to a walk in nature. During walking, I never felt so good in my life. Maybe i forgot my childhood but it was a awesome experience. A love, a passion, a inner peace took me over completly. I was confident & sure. My body was true to my feelings. Traffic didnt bother me anymore.
May the god, keep showering his blessings on me. I am doing my best to lead a good life. Fortune favours the brave. God help those who help themselves.
Now, its time for my studies.
Take a quick bath in slightly cold water in evening daily. It will refresh the mind and body and all garbage thoughts accumulated during the day will also be washed off.
Before going to bed, do conscious deep breathing for 5 minutes.
Use blue light filters in phone and pc after 8:00 pm.
Last night was very disturbing for me. This was my 2nd night without any sleeping pills. I went to bed at 10 pm but no sleep.
At 1 pm i gave up the fight. Too much thoughts were making me crazy for 3 hours. It was like torture
Now, i have decided to give it a go on alternate days for a week & then with a gap of 2 days. Then, total quit.
I remember how i quited them last year. For bearing the torture of thoughts for 2 straight full nights without any sleep. And like this i had to fight with myself for a week of hell when my body finaly realized that this man will die but he will not take the drugs. So the body give way for me.
Lets see … next 2 weeks are the biggest challenge for me.
Hoping for the best.
Always fight hard.
Like a champion.
Last night as was fixed i didnt took my sleeping pill. I am taking them on alternate days now. Last night i had no extra thoughts, i was aware of my surroundings… after some time i fall asleep. I woke up at 2:30 am . I went to toilet… drink some water… again back to bed & slept. I had a dream in which i was watching ■■■■… it was vivid dream. After that 3 or 4 naked women come around me. I didnt want to go in all details because it may lead to someone relapse. To give it a simple description… i had sex with 2 of them… somehow i woke up … sexual thoughts again starts to revolve in my mind. What i did… i atonce cut my thoughts & started remembering Lord krishna & other deities like shiva.
Previous day i was having urges… yesterday to deal with urges… i sat in sidhasana & pressed the URGE button which is on home screen of the app. It worked. Then i look at motivational media on the app. An image appeared it said dont be a bitch. My urges went away that night. But it finded a way in my dreams. Thank God ! I didnt ■■■… i was so close of getting a wetdream.
I think our suppressed sexual feelings find their way in our dreams. Now, lets talk about today… i woke up early today morning. I went for morning run. I used my all sexual energy in my running. I spent it all. When i was coming back home… a saw a young lady… as i was exhausted i was not able to took a second look… or was it the advise of ankitk that took over me. I didnt take a second look but i wanted to. I was afraid. Anyway… now i am doing my studies…
Don’t worry bro… wet dreams are not your fault…the fault is when u give up…u did the best by resisting your urges, by running, by watching motivational videos…ur mind will notice soon that u don’t need any more fapping and relapses and it will go away…this is testing time, just don’t give up and hold on to it…u will be stronger than ever…People don’t applaud to the exhausted, the more u get exhausted, the more stronger u become, giving up is not an option, on your feet…get up, move on and JUST DON’T GIVE UP!!
It’s really a blessing for me to be a part of this forum…you guys are really a strong motivation for me to keep walking clean on this path forever… thanks to each member of this journey to stand as a pillar and shield for each brothers…
Today as i was watching a maths lecture on youtube… a advertisement video came… it was a song in which a women was dancing eroticaly. I must admit here that i didnt closed the ad immediately… i watched it. Then i continued with my lecture… then came the urge
It was like a huge rush of dopamine & it wanted to see more hot videos. It used all its weapons to convince me. Then i paused for a moment & started reasoning with myself.
I counted all my benefits which i got from quiting ■■■■… they are…
From lying in bed to running in morning.
Studying for my goals.
Social Anxiety gone.
Doing excercise in evening.
Quitting sleeping drugs.
Taking care of my family.
So, i questioned myself… what should i get from ■■■■ & masturbation ?
I got the answer : you will get few hours of pleasure & after that you will lose all your 6 benefits
Hence, i decided & took the decision of not watching a hot video.
Today i have deviced this method of understanding… which keeps your life decisions in check & give a clear picture of what you are going to do.
Heyy guys, today morning i was watching some good videos on YouTube suddenly some erotic videos appeared with arousing photos on cover page of those videos…there were not just one but many …the best thing is i was very much able to move on without looking at those videos…i just laughed and said what nonsense videos… feeling better day by day…later had some urges but completely able to control with some efforts…i m sure soon will b able to control effortlessly… Cheers to our NOFAP journey!!
Last night i killed my mind.
As it was a night of no drug. I am taking sleeping drugs on alternate days. Before lying down i meditated for 20 minutes. It was 11 pm. No sleep only thoughts & me … the clock was making sounds… i saw the time… it was 4 am. O my god… fucking hell…
My wife asked me to take the pill but i refused. Nowadays… i am so firm in my belief that i will do a task … whetever it takes. I have become habitual of pain & sufferings…
I kept lying on my khat खाट ( bed ) for 5 hours watching my thoughts come & go…
Finaly i got some sleep of 1 or 2 hours.
Next step… facing the torture for 2 days. Next plan… taking the pill leaving 2 days in between.
I think it feeds subconscious mind and we do not even get the urges then. It’s a nice trick.
