I relapsed today after a 5 days streak which was clean. I did sex and orgasm. It was a stressful day but i think its only an excuse. The truth is i became weak in the moment of Urge and the monster of lust grabed and eat me completly.
I am trying to achieve a Reboot 90 days from beginning of 2017 but still i am unsuccessful. My longest streak was 31 days. Though i have managed to do a couple of 30 days streak but i always fall and fall very badly. This goal of 90 days is eating my soul with every relapse but i am also a stubborn. I will not quit trying. Only death can make me quit now.
Today is 15 feburary 2018. My all confidence accumulated in past 5 days is gone with a single ejaculation. I am feeling very empty. My body has become a host of diseases. Cough and sneeze has come back. I can not properly chew my food. There is anxiety and fear. Like death will strike me from any direction. I have wasted my whole youth. I am 26 now. Only 4 years of some youth has still left with me.
My bonus point today is that i am not levelling my all progress to the ground by having multiple orgasms. One orgasm is enough. I will eat and drink balanced diet today so that my body can make me my life force(sperms) i cant afford to waste any more time. I want to break free from this cycle of Relapses. I want to achieve that enlightment stage which Great Man in history have achieved so that one day i will make a beautiful mark on history of mankind.
I had no energy the whole day.
There is no motivation to do anything.
All i want is lying on my bed.
I couldnt focus on one thing. There is constant distraction. Mind is not fully aware of surroundings. Due to which simple task looks very hard. Couldnt stand properly in public. Its all rush. Rush of overexitement of nerves.
Couldnt even eat my food properly. Its all messed up. Wish i had not done it.
Life seems of no meaning today. Nothing seems good.
All plans were meaningless today. It was a bad temper day. Had abusive conversation with loved ones.
Its all gone. Its over now.
I am hopefull for days to come. May god forgive me and provide me some strength to deal with my situation.
Its evening i have no energy but i have decided to do some excercise. I am doing it now.
Hey soo how are you doing man remember we are at war with this failure no retreats you did it before and now you can do it again you fall you get back right up again and upper cut this mtfrkr! We are here to support each and failure is part of it you can do it bro!
Waiting for read day 2 story … writing is only way to know inner emotion … sometimes we need to do self introspection …you write very good… waiting for read another day success story …keep writing brother
There is no urge today. I have firm believe in myself today that i shall make it beyond 100 days. 100 days is just a milestone actualy i want to continue this lifestyle throughout my life. It has given me tremendous benefits in past and i regret that if i knew about it way back then when i was 14 year old. Life would be different.
There was internet before but if you search on internet about masturbation, they would tell you that its healthy and normal. What a big lie. However, we cant reverse the time. So i should focus on right now(present) i know i can make things right. The power is not gone.
In Ramayana, Hanuman forgot his powers due to some bane but when he was told about his forgotten powers. He got his powers back. I too also learnt about my forgotten powers following the lifestyle of Bramacharya( hard mode nopmo)
And Yeah!
The powers are coming back. Today i felt it in evening. My whole day i remained like a zombie. My study time is reduced. After learning only single page of book my body wanted a break. I had neither energy nor motivation to do evening excercise but i did it and it felt amazing afterwards.
I eat my food in a more relaxed and proper way. My mind was also at peace and i remain fully in the present moment. Though these energy surges dont last too long because it is only my beginning. It is like when we start a motorcycle we have to kick it but in very cold winter the engine freezes and we have to warm it by constantly kicking. My situation is the same as of that motorcycle which got freezed in that cold winter and now by the power of brahmacharya/nofap( kicks) it is getting some sparks and my brain is getting the good signals and it is warming up for the journey/ the days to come.
The energy was good in the morning. My mind was calm and i did my work with good efficiency. I also studied after that and i also eat my food properly. I have noticed that as my streak gets bigger my sleeping time reduces.
I used to awake at 10 pm before but each day it is reducing half an hour. Today i woke up at 8.30 pm. It is good thing.
I didn’t do my evening excercise today so that my body can have some recovery. In late january 2018 when i was on a 8 day streak, i started running in morning. My body was not used to the morning weather and the running. So after 2 days of running in chilly morning i catched cold. After that the cold continues till my 15th day and i relapsed after day 16. So, thats how i lost my progress. I want to include morning running in my daily habits.
My legs have become very weak. I barely feel any energy in my legs. Weak legs drags my body here and there i want a strong body with strong legs. Thats why i need to run but i didnt have any motivation to go for it nowadays but i am determined. Whenever i will feel that surge of energy and i believe it will come back after a week, then i shall do my morning runnings.
Its hard to break the cycle. But once you do break it, it becomes very easy to make it to 30 days and 40 days. All of last year i was addicted to fapping, and was trying NF out and i honestly didn’t manage to make it to 60 days till the year was over. Its rough. Place more importance on other aspects of life, this will help!
I was very busy today. It has exhausted me more than i can take. My mental energy gets easily exhausted. It is very weak. i couldn’t even see in the eyes of the people i was talking too. My head was shaking in anxiety. In a crowded place i cant focus properly. I can not walk confidently. In simple words its all fucked up.
Today i did more than my capacity. I couldn’t have risked to do such if i had fapped one day before. I think i am healing quickly this time because of the relapse frequencies. Now i dont relapse continuosly in a row. There is a gap. One Relapse doesnt takes your all progress away.
I want to rise again. I can smell the beautiful scent of victory. I am feeling good now because although i was awkward today but i did my job well. It gaves some relief.
Remember when you have no energy to go for a task but you drags yourself to do it. At the end of it after all the hardship you will emerge as a more stronger person than before. Always push through your limits. It is only law of progress.
i want a strong body with strong legs. Thats why i need to run but i didnt have any motivation to go for it nowadays but i am determined. Whenever i will feel that surge of energy and i believe it will come back after a week, then i shall do my morning runnings.
