I relapsed today after a 5 days streak which was clean. I did sex and orgasm. It was a stressful day but i think its only an excuse. The truth is i became weak in the moment of Urge and the monster of lust grabed and eat me completly.
I am trying to achieve a Reboot 90 days from beginning of 2017 but still i am unsuccessful. My longest streak was 31 days. Though i have managed to do a couple of 30 days streak but i always fall and fall very badly. This goal of 90 days is eating my soul with every relapse but i am also a stubborn. I will not quit trying. Only death can make me quit now.
Today is 15 feburary 2018. My all confidence accumulated in past 5 days is gone with a single ejaculation. I am feeling very empty. My body has become a host of diseases. Cough and sneeze has come back. I can not properly chew my food. There is anxiety and fear. Like death will strike me from any direction. I have wasted my whole youth. I am 26 now. Only 4 years of some youth has still left with me.
My bonus point today is that i am not levelling my all progress to the ground by having multiple orgasms. One orgasm is enough. I will eat and drink balanced diet today so that my body can make me my life force(sperms) i cant afford to waste any more time. I want to break free from this cycle of Relapses. I want to achieve that enlightment stage which Great Man in history have achieved so that one day i will make a beautiful mark on history of mankind.