Cover Page Rewritten
18 December 2019
Today,When i read these journals, i recall how good i felt when i was on my highest streak. The taste of good life which keeps you pulling back towards it. So… i am trying again to get back to Life.
Original Post
9 July 2019
This journals are for motivation. These journals which i wrote are very good source of motivation for a guy who is sick and looking for a hope.
These journals speak volumes of the truth that one can be cured from the illness.
Goos story, Man! Congratulations for having such long streak. I would give anything to break through two weeks… But it is as you said, we never know when will be our final, successful atempt. I would add, that with each try we can get closer to that final one, if we take some lessons from all those previous tries.
A Sick Man
To understand Benefits of hard mode on me… first lets understand my sickness. This will be the first & last post discussing my bad life… after it… i will write only the Benefits.
At Day 0 … i had these problems :
All these problems originated in me from Fapping, orgasms. The picture suits me perfectly. A man cutting himself like crazy … drawing blood from himself.
Day 14 Benefits
After 14 days got courage to move out of my house to walk outside in public area.
After 14 days Reduced my sleeping dose to half. Silently suffered a sleepless night with patience.
Withdrawl effects
leaving any addiction is not easy. You have to pay a prize. i have paid my dues.
when i reduced my sleeping dose to 1/2. My body was sleepless for a night but when your determination is of that do or die… Your mind will give up. it has to give up.
Self Observation
Day 16
sometimes i observe my own body actions. they seems weird and like a old bad habit or wiring.
Excercise
started excercise on 4th day.
6 minute anebolic cardio workout.
started walking on day 14.
started pullups
started daind baithaks. day 16.
I thought you were banned or something?
Anyways, best of luck!
Wetdreams
1st wetdream on 11th day. had urges after it. Stay alert after such events.
i dont care much about a wet dream. Its beyond our control for now.
patience
on bad days i keep patience that things are changing slowly & steady… i am only going forward… no need to drown in depression if progress is not quick… it is happening & i have good days ahead.
One day at a Time
Staying Alert & keeping an eye on thoughts & actions is helping me building a good streak.
Root Cause of Anxiety & Fear
Unstable Core.
in Orgasm body shake like a leaf and is ridden hard from vital energy. When the process of Orgasm is followed on a daily basis it creates an Unstable core in us.
we feel anxiety & fear because we are shaking to & forth … we are not stable at one place. Our thoughts are scattered … our mind is somewhere else… we are shaking constantly… i noticed this on my day 18… i am observing my body and it tends to move … here & there… it is not relaxed and peaceful. it is afraid.
1st stage of Treatment is Observation of Self.
Edging NSFW Warning
i had a tough time on day 12. after my wetdream i was sexualy aroused. As i was watching a hypnosis video for self confidence, it had a women voice. it triggered my old wiring. Hence, unknowingly i started listening to erotic hypnosis… after 15 minutes i stopped… i came to my senses that it is only leading to a Relapse. That night i had to fight with the worst form of Urges. i endured it and the next day also i had to fight with them. i survived somehow. thereafter i remain vigilant over my actions & thoughts.
Day 20
Voice Change : Deeper & full of confidence.
More Energy.
My neck muscles had gone stiff due to lack of energy & wrong movement. stress was also a cause.
Now, i am moving it the right way… seems like the juice has spread to my whole body… Revitalising & curing my all body.
Day 18
i have started studying again for my goals which i kept delaying for 5 years.
Emotions comes to a zombie
Day 21 i cried a lot
i take my stands. i fight for right things. i got emotions now. When i am sad i cry my lungs out.
when i laugh … i laugh from belly.
Some people cant see me smiling… they try to take away my joy… or i am getting too emotional but anyway… good thing is that i got my emotions back.
My social anxiety has reduced. I took out my rusty bicycle … washed it and take it for a ride outside.
More Benefits
Sunset never was so blissful. i forgot all my anxieties in it. i took a dive into its beauty.
Focus & Concentration
As the days are adding up … focus is also increasing. Before… i easily got distracted … Example : i am getting my bike tyre repaired at a shop… the traffic nearby distracts me… from seeing my tyre being repaired.
Walking with The one
My walking has changed … Now i walk with my emotions. i am not a Roboot anymore. I got juice in my legs and i can feel my all body.
walking with myself… makes it easy for me.
More & More Benefits
Day 23
The Energy keeps on increasing. The confidence is rising. Eye contact is easy. Walking on the road with full confidence and masculine energy. Walking distance has increased. I want to go outside again & again. I want to face new difficulties. i want to Rewire myself.
Rewiring… Day 24
Learning eating food among people around.
Learning How to deal with social anxiety. I just say to myself when i am nervous that let it happen whatever is happening in my body and i get relief from stress. Nowadays i am going in soceity everyday. Sweat comes from my forehead when i am facing difficult situations and it gives me relief… or maybe its summer effect.
Working on other Addictions
Again Reduced Sleeping dose
Now its 1/4th the lowest dose possible of the tablet. Today Brain & Body are confused because of New Environment. I am accepting a sleepless night today. it takes 2 to 3 days for body & brain to accept new environment. It rewires when i left it no choice but to change. i am ready to die but i will not take more than 1/4th of the dose.
once i get used to it. i will go for SWITCH. after 10 days… i will switch to Aswagandha for another 10 days. Then TOTAL Quit.
Prostate juice
Sometimes after pissing, sitting, standing or laying down … a liquid comes out … it is not like semen and it is not urine… i think its prostate juice. There is no cause for worry. It is all natural and a process.
Brain Fog
After the reduction of the sleeping drug… brain fog is significantly reduced…making it easy to see things clearly.
Dance & Enjoyment in my motion…
Now i walk with good vibe & enjoyment feeling… i enjoy walking in soceity.
Day 28
I drove my car after many months. it felt good.
Meditation happened to me … it gives me relief from neck pain & increased my joy.
Social Anxiety is significantly reducing …
Day 28
Day 29
I cant describe it… i was in deep meditation with eyes open… sitting on chair… outside my room varandh… 10 step away is a busy public road… with vehicles going on to their buiseness.
for a moment i was lost in all sounds around me… i felt peace… it was refreshing.
life is changing quickly.
