Editing my diary 1st page.
22 August 2020 Evening.
My Final Streak
Full Force…Every drop of my Blood.
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3 July 2020.
Slowly Slowly getting back to good habits… Today i did 10 minutes of meditation and 2 minutes each of 5 pranayam excercises. I want to achieve perfection in these habits … I know that when we keep trying and working on some skill … we become good at it.
I am feeling good about tomorrow. I have a vision … a goal … to engage my energies in … This is sexual Transmutation.
Focusing on something of much higher value.
Giving Body & mind a direction.
To Better myself.
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You will be successful man! I have benn trying nofap since 2018 November. My highest streak was 32 or 33 days. The best 33 days of my life. And I was able to do because I had a big exam! And I really scored great marks in the exams. And that achievement motivates me to do nofap. But still I’m not able to cross day 8
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Thanks for the encouragement.
I love this forum.
I dont get this kind of positive message from my wife.
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IMAGINATION TRIGGER WARNING
I thought of deleting this diary when i relapsed after 6 days of making the first page of this.
Then i edited the date of last relapse.
I think i should maintain it. Life is not always perfect. Accepting it and moving forward.
Yesterday night i was sitting with my wife … we were watching youtube videos. A new music video by my favourite singer was there with no dirty thumbnail. I played it. At first there was a women wearing loose clothes with cleavage … i ignored it … my wife insisted to close the video … she said it can trigger you… as it was my favourite singer… i kept on watching without getting affected by the women in the video… i didnt look at her in lustful way… but as the video progressed further…
The video maker clearly was using lust as a subject … the same women was shown from behind… for atleast 3 seconds… and there i closed the video… the video director was showing the women ass & breast … aggressively. All they want is to increase the views.
A normal man can not ignore a healthy women shown like this… nature has inbuilt a system within our bodies … which main purpose is to reproduce the next gen.
When eyes see a female which is healthy & beautiful… it triggers the man.
This is very dangerous when we are triggered through a electronic device… in real nature … atleast the man has to work hard to get a real women.
Thats why â– â– â– â– & fapping is so dangerous.
I took right decision to close the video but the addiction got awakened.
At night it started to ask to see the video full. The desire to watch.
I tried my famous method… kill switch.
Switching â– â– â– â– thoughts with good useful thoughts.
The desire was strong …
I remember that when last time i fulfilled this desire… the desire got more power over me… it lead me to watch more… and untimately it lead me to relapse … the same vicious circle.
Shity life.
Hence i draw strength from my experience… i knew desire is never going to be fulfilled… it only will move in circle and my life will be the same shit as usual.
Hence… i choose to not watch that flith as it never gave me everlasting joy & peace.
I want a permanent source of joy & peace. Hence… i moved forward from it.
The flith desire chased me in my dreams.
Atleast 3 times i dreamed of watching that video and getting relapsed in the dream … the night was horrible… i hold onto my positive vision & thoughts.
After i wake up in the morning… the same deaire reappeared … to watch… This time i showed it a clear way out of my head with no negotiations.
We can surely overcome from this addiction on the basis of our earlier experiences and positive thoughts about a hopeful future.
Keep Toiling.
Keep Going.
Day 6
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Day 9
All things are improving slowly … Yesterday i wanted to go outside and work on my vehicle maintanance but anxiety & fear eat my courage… hence i didnt went. Later in day i was very frustrated & angry… at low vibration… the day passed.
Today in morning… this task was in my head… it become a challenge for me… inspite of fear i went for it. My will power has increased. My shame has decreased. I drove my car and completed the necessary task.
Focus & Energy has increased. Life is very Beautiful.
Keep Going.
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More power to you brother. Good to know the support of your better half.
Keep it up.
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Great mate! You are doing very great!
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10 Days Done.
I am in a Flatline.
Flatline is a time in this journey where you can see your ugly Truth.
Truth is very hard for the ego. Truth shows us our weakness and difficulties of our life.
I have always failed in Flatline because i never accepted my Truth. I always want to be a perfect & capable man. It is hard for ego … and also a big challenge to find solutions to our life problems.
Cowardness … is also a factor in my relapses… Trying to find shortcuts… not ready to pay the price … hard work …
I have to accept my truth and find solutions for it.
I have to pay the price.
I have to do hard work.
Whatever this is … i am ready to accept it.
At the same time… i will do my effort to come out of this well … which once i myself had dug.
Nomatter how deep the well has gone… there is always a open sky at the top of it.
Lets March Further.
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I have made a huge progress from day 1 to day 11
You can see that from these screenshots
This tells us that … practise makes a man perfect.
Those who keep trying again & again… eventualy successed.
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Day 14
After a long time woke up with good energy & clear head.
I walked a round around my house for fresh air.
I jump start back to my tasks without getting into smartphone.
Slowly slowly … i am improving & enjoying in my tasks.
Life is Beautiful.
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I am glad for your progress
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Wow, your diary is great man. I feel like going through an inspiring book. I see that you are making improvements daily. That is the secret to success. Even 1% imporvement per day can make you a great man.
We are with you. Keep writing and keep going.
Great is a must!
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@Sahas sorry if I offend you I’m just asking this out of curiosity, I see you got married and if you have intimacy won’t it be considered as relapse?
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Currently i dont get intimate… like sexualy close to her. I remain Pure as a Child.
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Got it brother, I’m very happy to hear you are taking this dead serious. Your post and message are motivating very much, keep inspiring and motivating us.
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No brother @EvilMorty most people don’t consider sex as relpase.
Sex is a very positive thing. It will release sertonin, oxytocin and all those positive hormones in your brain along with dopamine. There is intimacy in sex.
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Hahahahahaha
People believe what they wanna believe… but still i support you for the fact that it is better than masturbation/■■■■if done for its real purpose … that is Reproduction
Anyone who is doing sex for pleasure using condoms or spilling his seed outside the women vagina… in my opinion … He is The Biggest Fool.
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Correct. Sex is only for reproduction. Not for pleasure.
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Day 15 Wet Dream
Yesterday when i sit on a chair … a liquid came out by pressure by my penis… however very little. It happened atleast 3 times. I ignored it.
At night i had a sexual dream and i ejaculated unconciously. Just at the time of blowing my penis… i wake up from the sleep. I went to bathroom changed my shorts. It had little semen with liquids … quantity was less as compared to concious relapse.
Usualy i get wetdreams on the day when i get triggered by something but this time … i was clean from many days. Wet dream happenned out of the blue.
I ignored it as it was not my conscious decision.
I have heard that on 3rd stage of Awakening wet dream problem resolves.
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