Yeah maybe. I found a new charger and my computer is fine now I am so happy
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Yayyyyyy 47 days, the beginning of my eternal streak and the longest time Iāve spent without pmo. Iām soooo happy
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Day 49. Does any of you experience flashbacks or dirty dreams after a pretty long streak? Because I do and itās a nightmare
50 dayyyyyyyysā:grin:
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Thank you very muuuuuch. The fight is not over Iām trying deperatly to control myself
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I canāt stop thinking about it. All the videos that I lost and the ones that I donāt remember where I get them from. This is terrible I know that, Iām in a point where I forgot how much it fried my brain and All I want is to come.
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You made a decision and deleted it.
Say Alhamdulillah.
If you keep thinking about it, then your brain will ask for it even more and you may tend to fall again.
So dont entertain those thoughts and focus on other things.
May Allah make it easy for you.
Ameen.
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53 days and the struggle is real, I found a way to get back some of my videos using an app but I havenāt watched anything luckily but that made me realize how addicted Iāam. I canāt stop thinking about it thinking about the end of ramadan and being able to download all the rest, it became an obsession at this point
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Iāll have to keep my self busy like I did befire ramadan I was working in multiple paintings and I think art is the only thing thatās going to save me
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Sister
Read this dua all the timeš
Allahumma ighfirli wa tub alayya innaka anta tawwaab arraheem
O Allah forgive me and accept my repentanceŲ indeed you are the most merciful and the aceeptor of repentance
The above is not the exact meaningā¦ I am not good at Arabic
May Allah get you out of the shackles of pmo and make you free from the slavery of pmo.
As long as you keep putting efforts and be mindful, you will be goingā¦
Stop thinking that you not be able to live with yourself if you donāt have those videos with you, you will always be you. Think this way instead, if you have those videos with you, then shaytan will truck into thinking that you are still an addict, you are free sister, thatās right, you are free of pmo, change your mindset, stop thinking that it is the end of the world, when you donāt those videos with you.
You said yourself that you love painting right, keep doing and explore new methods in that, I donāt have much knowledge about painting, you do.
Also The last 10days of Ramadan are approaching, so do dua with desperation, indeed Allah loves when his servant repents and begs for his forgiveness.
Donāt stop your worship and repentance till Ramadan, keep holding on to that rope of success ahead till your last breath.
Every son of Adam is a sinner, but the best of sinners are those who repent
No matter what sin you commit, or what situation you are in, make sure you never miss a single obligatory prayer, for indeed salah(prayer) is the key to success
I think itās too late I relapsed (what really happened is that I had a bad urge and I went to download a couple of videos, and just by the preview I became so aroused that I came without touching myself) and after going to sleep I had a few bad signs in my dreams, and I dreamed that I shaved my head. Like I told you Iām not super religious but that doesnāt mean that I donāt fear the wrath of god at all. Anyway some part of me knew that 2 months was impossible to do, I remember just before ramadan I told to myself this is silly I have to watch just a little bit just to avoid any mistake during ramadan, like I knew I couldnāt make it.
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I am sorry sister, but take the good from this, and move forward.
You went for more than 50days clean, be proud of yourself, mistakes happen and you mustnāt stay behind looking on that mistake, rather turn around pick yourself up and move forward.
You know how unpredictable this relapses happen, itās the same with me, so we must always be on high alert, I know itās easy to say and difficult to implement, while I am telling you this, there is no guarantee that I will not relapse but that doesnāt mean I shouldnāt put the effort to the best of my limits.
Learn from a relapse so that the next time you relapse, it shouldnāt be with the same mistake.
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You are human, and you will one day feel the existence of Allah one way or the other, he is our creator after all, it is only fair if we worshipped him as it is our sole purpose of being created, it has nothing to do with being super religious.
Only Allah knows who is the best among us.
Allah says,
[He] who created death and life to test you [as to] which of you is best in deed - and He is the Exalted in Might, the Forgiving -
This addiction is nothing more than a test, and we MUST CLEAR THIS TEST AND WE WILL.
At least I was able to make it to 54 days which is insane. I think that I should never have deleted that file because now that I found a way to getting it back I stopped obsessing over it, ramdan is seriously draining all my energy, at first it was cool but Iām not able to do anything, I canāt read I canāt paint or draw during the day so I had plenty of hour to think about other stuff, like porn thatās why I had soooo many flashbacks. It really bothers me the fact that I have soooo much trouble being productive and this is exactly what helped me before to stop masturbating for 35 days straight, which again something that have I never being able to. I draw and paint on the kitchen table because there no light in my room and no space, and during ramadan I just canāt because the table is always filed with something
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Donāt think like that, you know when you donāt have those videos, then it will be some other reason.
You know I had installed a blocker, since I have fast internet, so whenever I have to bypass the blocker I have to type, āI donāt have self controlā, but I would swallow my pride and type that shit and disable the blocker, there were some other blockers but there too I managed to find a way to uninstall and trick the apps features watch p*. WHO ARE WE FOOLING? WE ARE KEEPING THE THING THAT DESTROYS US, AND ARE ENSLAVED TO THAT VERY THING
DESPITE KNOWING THAT ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS REMOVE IT FROM OURSELVES AND IT CANāT DO ANYTHING TO US.
FIRST YOU NEED TO STOP THINKING THAT IF YOU DONāT HAVE THOSE VIDEOS, THEN YOUR LIFE WILL BE HORRIBLE
Anyways these types of mindsets arent gonna stop us from doing pmo.
We must think that we can control ourselves, even though it is difficult at first and many relapses may happen but still you shouldnāt change that mindset.
You know this Ramadan I thought I will be free since we have to fast, but I found myself relapsing after the maghtib time, it was just the belief mlin my mind that told me that try to abstain only during day time.
That false belief allowed me to have my fast valid and relapse at evening.
I seriously couldnāt figure out the cause and I am still strying to get my head wrapped around it.
But many of them here helped in changing my perspective and the misunderstanding that it is not just during day time that I should abstain from this but the whole month.
YOU NEED TO TAKE IT SLOW AND EASY, STEP BY STEP.
THIS ADDICTION IS A PUZZLE, YOU JUST NEED TO PUT THE NUMBERS IN THE RIGHT ORDER AND YOU ARE FREE
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Donāt worry these situations will be coming and going but donāt loose hope, keep fighting.
May Allah help you in succeeding through the efforts that you put.
Always believe in Allah.
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@luluane No you can of course you can , still engage and try to focus for your relapse not saying you canāt because you reached 54 days girl ā¦
You did ā¦ no one do it to you like a favor ā¦noooo itās absolutly you did by focus on sometimes (painting and your decions of deleting videos ) and sometimes our weakness learn something we canāt known if we wonāt lose ā¦ but please please stop feel down start paint something about your feeling what ever what it is ā¦ but I hope something give you hope make you move up .
Donāt stop expressing and sharing here please .
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Thank you for your encouraging words. Well now that I relapsed I donāt have those bad urges anymore and ramadan is coming to an end very soon, it sure helped me reach 54 days but it became not longer enough. I have to get back to a normal life and paint and draw more frequently.
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The fight is not over trust me. I remember the day after I relapsed I was talking to my mom and I started asking her completely incoherent questions without noticing and my mom started looking at me like what the hell are you talking about and I was really embarrassed, I embarrassed my self soooo many times while talking to people because Iāve seen soooo many porn the day before. Just because I donāt have a penis itās my brain thatās getting damaged the most from this, and I donāt want to experience that ever again
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Exactly @luluane you will be the fantastic one and unbelievable ā¦ I will be so glade to be beside each other always ā¦
My sharing code if donāt mind : lmbhdu